I Was A Lab Assistant of Sorts (Part 3)

Hey everyone.

I know it's been a minute, but I figured I would bring you up to speed on everything that happened.

So, needless to say, I got out, but the story of how it happened was wild.
So there we were, me and the little potato dude, just waiting for the security dude to call us back when the little guy got chatty again.

“Do you think he can get us out?” he asked, not seeming sure.

“I mean, if anyone can get us out it would be him, right?”

“What do you base this on?”

I had to think about that for a minute before answering, “Well, he's security. It's their job to protect people, right? If anyone should be able to get us out, it should be them.”

It was the little dude's turn to think, something he did by slowly breathing in and out as his body puffed up and then shrank again.

“I will have to trust in your experience on this matter. The only thing I know about security is that they give people tickets and yell at people for parking where they shouldn't.”

I laughed, it sounded like some of Doc C's assistants had run afoul of campus security a few times.

“What do you know?” I asked, suddenly kind of interested in what this little guy had collected.

“What do you mean?” he said, sounding unsure of how to answer.

“I mean, you take in all your knowledge through people's thoughts, right? What kind of information do you have? Even if you could get out of that tank, what would you do? Could you take care of yourself out there?”

The creature seemed to consider it for long enough that I wondered whether he was going to answer or not. He mostly just floated there, bobbing in his little tank like one of those gross toys I used to see at KB when I was a kid. I had turned back to my phone, thinking I had struck a nerve, and when he spoke up, it spooked me.

“I know lots of things academical. I can solve great mathematical problems, decipher scientific formulas that would leave your peers drooling, and compose written works that would rival the greatest minds of this or many other times. What I cannot do, however, is remove my own lid, take myself from this place, or, I am coming to doubt, breathe the air that you take for granted. I do not know these things for a fact, but I have come to suspect them heavily. I may need your help more than I suspect, as little as I know you want to help me.”

I shrugged, not needing long to think about it. The little potato dude was gnarly looking, but he and I had grown a little close, despite myself. If he helped me get out of here, I wouldn't mind helping him do the same, even if it meant finding him a place in this world. That was what you did for someone who helped you, at least that had always been my way. We would see if I still felt that way when the time came, but as far as I was concerned, I was as much in his debt as he was in mine.

I had just opened my mouth to say as much when the phone rang from the corner of the card table.

The number wasn't one I had saved in my phone, so I figured it must be the security dude.

“Took you long enough,” I said, picking up the phone and realizing it had been almost an hour since I'd spoken to him.

“I mean, I can go back to my desk and let you manage on your own if you'd prefer.”
He must have taken my silence as an acknowledgment of my error, and I heard keys jingling as he, hopefully, tried to open the door to the R. Ashley Science Building.
“So,” he said, “where are you then? I don't see any footprints in the dust that's laying pretty thick everywhere, so it's not like I have a trail to follow.”

I looked at the little potato dude, needing his help for this part. I had always been blindfolded when the Doc brought me here, so I was going to be next to no help. The little dude closed all his eyes for a moment, contemplating his next move, and when he opened the largest pair again, he sounded sure of his directions.

“Tell him to go down the hall and find the fifth door on his left.”

“Go down the hall and find the fifth door on your left.”

“Okay,” the security dude said, and I could hear his footsteps over the phone as he walked, “Hey, you said it was just you in there. Whose that I hear with you?”

I started to tell him that it was the experiment I had told him about, but decided against it, “Just a friend. We're both trapped in here and need to get out.”

“Mhm,” he said, stopping suddenly and taking the keys out. The jingling over the phone was maddening but as he slid them in, I heard the creak of an old door and found I remembered something. I remembered walking thirty steps, I had started counting just to have something to do, and then hearing a spook house creak as a door opened. I didn't know where he was, but I knew that creak.

“Okay, I'm in one of the old science labs, now what?”

I could hear his feet scuffing as he moved inside, and I looked back to the little potato dude for further instructions.

“Tell him to go into the broom closet behind the teacher's desk and he'll find a door in there.”

I conveyed these instructions, and I heard him scoff as he took out his flashlight.

“There's no door in here, just bookshelves. If this is a trick, I swear I'm gonna,”

“Tell him to pull on the bookshelf closest to the door. The hidden door is behind that.”

“It's the left one closest to the door. It's behind there.”

I could hear the security guards sigh of exasperation, “Sounds like some Scooby Doo bullshit to me,” but when I heard the scrape of the shelf coming off the wall on a hinge, I knew he was on the right track. After the door creek, there were more steps followed by a scrape of wood on tile as something slid open. It was freaky to hear it all from someone else's end, but it gave me confidence that he might actually find us.

“Okay, there's a door here and,” he opened it creating a metallic sound, “there's a stairway that goes down into a basement.”

The security guy sounded a bit less sure of himself now, and that was good because it meant he might actually take this seriously. If he thought we were college kids running a goof, then he would probably leave us to our fate. If he believed that we were being real with him though, then he might come and save us. I heard him descending the stairs with slow, deliberate steps, and when he came to the bottom, he gasped a little.

“What the hell is this?” he breathed.

“What,” I asked, “what do you see?”

“It's some Frankenstein shit. There's coils and glassware and all kinds of things. It's not dusty down here either. It looks like someone might have been living down here until very recently. This is wild, I guess you guys weren't kidding.”

“There's a door on the left-hand side of the room, tell him to go through there.”

“Go through the,” I started, but when I heard the thump of an old door being pushed open, I knew he had heard the little creature.

“Holy shit,” he said, and suddenly there was a rush of air and I heard a loud clatter. The heavy breathing I had been listening to was gone, and the silence that replaced it was worrisome. Had something gotten him? Did Doctor C have other experiments roaming around other than the little potato dude? Were they maybe a little more dangerous?

“Hey? Hey! Are you okay? What's going on?”

There was nothing.

“HEY! Answer me! Are you okay?”

Still nothing.

“Security Dude! Are you,”

“He's fine,” the Potato guy said, and I looked up in surprise, “He's close now, I can sense his mind. He's very surprised by what he's found in that room. It's made him think a lot, made his mind create images.”

I felt a little sick watching the potato guy talk about it. His deformed tongue was sliding over his little stone teeth and he'd have been salivating if he hadn't been floating in water. I realized this was how he ate, how he had fed on the others, and I was suddenly very glad that he couldn't do that to me. It was like watching something intimate and it made me feel dirty.

“Hey, you still there?” The security dude yelled, and I put the phone back to my ear as I told him I was, “Good, sorry about that. It's just that some of this stuff is wild. I've never been to a science lab like this before. This is the weirdest place I have ever found myself in.”

“Tell him that we are on the far side of the room, the third door with the padlock on it.” the potato guy said.

I didn't bother to relay the message. I stood up and pounded on the door with my fist, shouting for him to come get us. I yelled that it was me, the guy on the phone and that he needed to get us out of here. I heard running on the phone, and then a minute later I heard his voice as he spoke through the crack in the door.

“Hang tight, buddy. I'll have you out in a jiffy. I just have to find something to break this lock with.”

The phone line went dead, but we hardly needed it anymore. I could hear him in the other room, riffling through things as he tried to find something to break the lock. It was pretty clear that he believed us now, and the knowledge that we were actually in trouble made him remember his duty. Saving a couple of students from danger was probably one of those things the school gave you an accommodation for, and he wanted to look good for his boss.

“That's right,” the little potato thing whispered to itself, “You'll be a hero once you get us out of here. Just let us out and they'll know how great you are.”

“Are you,” I asked, but he shushed me as he continued to whisper.

“You'll be a hero, you'll be the boss, and you can finally get a spot on the force with a feather in your cap like this, just like your father always wanted you to.”
From the sounds on the other side of the door, whatever the little guy was feeding him, it was clearly working.

After about ten minutes, I guess he finally got desperate.

“Step back from the door,” he said, and I had taken only a couple of hesitant back steps before a loud bang came from the room. It was followed by three more loud pops, and I started to wonder if Security Dude had pulled out a gun. Whether he was a bad shot or the lock was just too thick, I don't know, but after the fourth shot, I heard something thump against the outside of the door, followed by the door opening to reveal our savior.

He was young, nineteen or twenty, with khaki pants and dark blue polo that said Campus Security on it. He still had the gun in his hand, something I wasn't sure I had seen any of the others carry. His blond hair was all stuck up and his face looked flushed, but he was a welcome sight nonetheless.

“Thank God,” I breathed, walking over to shake his hand.

He had opened his mouth to say something, but when he saw the little dude in the jar, his face turned like bad milk.

“Jesus Christ!” he shouted, raising the gun as he pointed it at the tank, “What the holy hell is that?”

“He's a friend, he's a friend,” I said, trying to assure him, “he helped guide you here. He won't,” but as I looked back at the little guy, I realized I might be wrong.

The little dude had all his eyes open, and they were focused on our new friend. Security Dude was staring back at him, and I saw that he had begun to shake a little. The hand with the gun had especially begun to shake, and he seemed to be losing a battle to keep it at his side. His eyes were locked on the little creature whose eyes were locked on his in turn, and the veins in his head were starting to bulge. I took a step back, not sure what was going on here, and when the security dude started to scream, I saw his eyes roll up to the whites. His eyes began to leak, looking like he was crying blood, and when he fell over, I saw that blood was coming out of his ears too.

We stood there in silence for a few seconds before I could find the words to speak to the little dude.

“What the hell was that?” I breathed shakily.

“Sorry about that,” the little potato guy said, “I was just so hungry that healthy brainwaves were too much to pass up.”

“So you killed him?” I asked, shocked at what I was hearing.

“To be fair, he was thinking about shooting me. It was right on top of his brain and if I hadn't acted he would have shattered my tank and possibly ended my life.”

He turned to look at me me then, and the feeling of all those eyes on me was extremely unsettling.

“I had to kill him, you understand? He was threatening me, and when you threaten someone, they are allowed to stand their ground. It was self-defense, plain and simple.”

The things he was saying were technically true, but it didn't make the body lying on the floor any less terrible.

“So what do we do with him?” I asked, not sure what someone did with a dead body.

“We leave him here. I would venture a guess that he isn't the only body down here. Are you ready to escape?” he asked.

I nodded, grabbing my charger and my earbud case as I slid my phone into my pocket. The little dude's tank proved a bit more difficult, but not much. It was like carrying a fish tank, somewhere between a big five-gallon tank and a gallon bowl, and as I started to settle it, I heard the last thing I expected to hear down here in the dark.

It took a few minutes to click in all the insanity, but it was the theme song to Chips.

I settled his tank on the table, looking back at the dead security dude, and noticed the light flashing in the pocket of his khaki pants. It quieted now, but as I approached it started ringing again. It vibrated the pool of blood gathering around him, and I felt like a grave robber as I slid my hand into his pocket. Closing my eyes as I slid it out, I looked at the screen and instantly felt foolish. Did I expect to recognize the number? Did I think it would be someone I knew? As I slid the toggle to answer it, catching it on the fifth ring, I heard someone breathing heavily on the other end and said hello.

“Officer Draff? It's Agent Maxy, we spoke a minute ago. Doctor Crandler hasn't been very forthcoming with information, so if you have actually found his latest experiment, we would very much like to take it into custody. Have you secured it yet?”

I looked at the potato, but he didn't seem to have any answers.

“Officer Draff? Are you there? Hello?”

I tossed the phone out into the inky blackness of the next room and went back to scoop up the tank.

It appeared that our timetable had been moved up a little bit, depending on what Security Dude had told the Fed Dudes.

“Get the keys,” the little guy whispered, nodding his lumpy head at the Security Dude.

I nodded, seeing the wisdom in it as I unhooked them from his belt.

A settled the tank in my arms and we headed out into the room beyond. The security guy had been right, it was certainly something to see. There was a dim light that shone from the top of the ceiling, and I could see all kinds of things in the dark space. Silver tables, big tanks filled with liquid, smaller trays with instruments, and shelves upon shelves of things too small to make out. I suddenly wanted to see them all, to inspect every one of them, but I didn't have time. I did see that ours was not the only locked door. Three others were still padlocked shut.

What would I find behind those, I wondered, but I hadn't the aim or the time to investigate.

I jogged out of the room and into a little room that did look like it belonged to Dr. Frankenstein. A desk sat in front of two huge shelves of books and the rest of the room was taken up by more tables and electric coils and all kinds of weird equipment I didn't have a name for. It all pulled at me to come look, but I saw the stairs calling me louder and I ran up them as fast as I dared and into the dusty broom closet.

We were heading through the silent classroom when we saw the flashlights through the windows.

I crouched, the little dude making grumpy noises as he sloshed in the tank.
Outside, there were about a dozen guys with lights, searching around the building. It appeared that Security Dude had told them where we were, and now we were stuck. I looked at the tank, the lights and voices moving just on the other side of the wall, and asked the little dude if he knew another way out.

“I don't know,” the little potato guy said, “Let me think for a moment.”

“Better think fast,” I whispered, “they could be in here any minute.”

He floated and thought, all his eyes closing again, and I was forced to listen to the chatter just outside the window.

“He said the R. Ashley Hall, right?” said a voice I recognized from the phone.

“Yes, sir. He definitely indicated this building.”

“I can't raise him. It's possible he went in by himself and whatever was in there eliminated him. We need to get inside, one of you go see if there's anyone else working security. I need keys to this building and,”

“I found it,” The little guy said, turning me back to face him, “There's a back door, a spot one of the assistants went to smoke sometimes.”

“It's probably locked,” I said, bemoaning our luck before remembering the ring of keys that were sitting in my pocket, “Which way?” I asked, getting up as I lifted the tank.

“Last door on our left. It's a little kitchen area with a door to the outside.”

I stayed low, trying to make it under the windows as I duck-walked for the door. The hallway was dusty, the unused corridor practically covered in it, and as I crept past doors, I could hear voices heading for the front of the hall. That was good, because if they were all in the front then no one would see me going out the back. I tried the door but wasn't too surprised when it was locked. The ring of keys looked huge as I finagled it out of my pocket, and I started trying them one at a time without any real clue which one was the right one.

I had just found one that would slide into the lock when something hit the door hard enough to send dust flying everywhere.

I almost dropped the keys, my finger finding the middle of the ring as they slipped out of my hand. I found the key I had lost pretty quickly, and as I came through the door, I heard the front door starting to groan under the battering of the Feds. I stumbled into the kitchen area, turning to close the door and lock it back. No sense making it easy for them. I went to the back door and, by some luck, the same key opened it as well.

We were out the door and onto the lawn of the college before they were the wiser.
We must have looked pretty wild as we made our escape through the low shrubs. We were staying low, me still hanging onto the tank for dear life, and when little dude shouted at me to get down, I sat down and put my back to a nearby tree. I sat there catching my breath, wondering why he'd told me to stop when suddenly there were flashlights around the back.

I dared a little peek and saw a woman in a suit waving the light around as though looking for something. I popped back behind when she started sweeping our location, and held the tank tightly as I prayed she wouldn't see us. The potato dude could roast her, but that would certainly draw attention. Our best bet was to stay clear and hope they moved on.

"Agent Fiss, report."

"Sir, the back door is open, and,"

I held my breath, breathing slowly as I tried to keep my breath from giving me away.

"Excellent work. That explains why the front door was locked. Officer Draff must have gone in through here. Let's go, we have our entry point."

As they piled in, I noticed that her light was still trained on the area we crouched in.

"Sir, I was thinking that a search of the area might be in order. If the subject escaped through the back door, we should,"

"There's no signs of forced entry on the door, Agent Fiss. It's more likely that this was how the officer entered the building. Come on, we may need every hand to bring this creature in."

The lights retreated, and I finally felt like I could breathe a sigh of relief.
We made tracks all the way back to my dorm room, and that was how me and the little dude became roommates.

It's been pretty chill since then. Poto lives in my dorm now and the two of us live pretty comfortably. He’s looking better these days. All the creativity roaming the halls is enough for him to stay fed without roasting anyones coconut. He doesn’t ask to be let out anymore, and I set up a little TV for him so he can catch up with the outside world. He usually just watches smart guy stuff, but every friday we have a movie night I make him watch something less academic. We’re watching Friday this week, though I’m pretty sure it’ll go over his head.

He's helping me with my science stuff, and I'm thinking of changing my major to Biochem next semester. He was right, he knows so much, and he’s helping me know stuff too. I’m sure there's an ulterior motive, but I don’t mind. We seem to be living in a “symbiotic relationship” as he says, and with the little dude's help I can pass almost any test. He's starting to be able to beam stuff into my noggin too, so I guess we really are living simpatico.

I'm still careful to spend time on my phone so I don't get too creative.

If I go full egghead, the little man might decide I might make a tasty snack too..

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