I saw her again last night.
This time, it was onstage at the campaign rally.
One minute, the crowd was cheering for me, praising my every word. Banners reading: TELLER 2 SAVE AMERICA dotted a sea of faces, each of them crying out for a better future, a better America! One minute, I made my vows to them.
“There is deep division in our country! A division between good and evil! Between those guided by morality and those who have forgotten it! But together, we can heal those wounds! We can fix this broken nation of ours! We can remove its flaws, cast away its broken pieces and build it back greater! We can come together as one people, under one God, as one America!”
I heard them cheer for me.
I looked out at the crowd… and there she was.
Her head tilted to the side. Her short blonde hair hanging limp from her head and her pure blue eyes fixated on me.
The moment I saw her, my voice caught in my throat. She shouldn’t have frightened me…
She shouldn’t have.
But those eyes that locked with mine… there was a message in them. Something for me. I forgot about the rally. I forgot about the people, the signs, my speech. I just saw her.
The crowd hung on to my silence, waiting for me to continue but my mind had come up empty. My mouth suddenly felt dry and I could do nothing but stand there like a deer in the headlights, helpless so long as her icy stare was fixated on me.
Once upon a time, I’d loved her eyes.
‘Eyes of that shade are actually indicative of pure aryan heritage,’ I’d told her. ‘It’s a sign of a pure bloodline. That’s something to be proud of!’
Now, they just filled me with terror.
I needed to make an excuse, find some reason to leave. I needed to say something! Anything! But the words didn’t come.
Finally I turned, disappearing offstage.
“Mike, what the hell are you doing?” I heard one of my aides ask, but I didn’t respond to him. I just needed to get out of there. I needed to leave. I needed to get away from her!
***
I first started seeing her about two months ago, around the same time that I announced my campaign. I’d be out on the street, either on the campaign trail or out and about when suddenly I’d catch a glimpse of her out of the corner of my eye.
At first, I’d thought that it was just my imagination or a case of mistaken identity. Obviously it couldn’t be her! Ginger was long gone. She was nothing but a bad memory now.
I even went to her grave to lay some flowers and said a prayer for her, hoping that maybe it might give me some peace of mind.
It didn’t.
As I knelt by her grave, I could see her amongst the headstones, her head tilted to the side… her cold blue eyes locked on to me. That stare filled me with an icy dread. I stood on unsteady feet, staring at her as she stood and watched me. A couple of strangers walked past her, not even seeming to notice she was there.
For a moment, I wondered if this was all in my head… a manifestation of guilt, perhaps? But what happened to her wasn’t my fault! If anything it was her brothers! That stupid oaf had been the one who’d killed her, not me!
It wasn’t me!
I turned away, leaving the cemetery as fast as I could. My hands were shaking as I gripped the steering wheel and drove away. I could still see her in the distance behind me.
***
“We can’t…” She’d said. “You’re… you’re married… it’s a sin…”
“Come on, sweetheart… for you, I’d commit any sin.”
She’d laughed at that line as I’d kissed her neck.
“You’re terrible…” She giggled.
“Oh, I know…”
It had been a mistake. I knew that then and I know it now. But, Ginger had been an attractive young woman and I am a man with needs! People make mistakes. We’re all only human.
The affair was short. We only met up a few times before my wife caught on and that was the end of it. I told Ginger I couldn’t see her again and that should have been the end of it.
But no…
No, she came back…
***
I saw her backstage after a town hall a few weeks ago. She didn’t move… but she seemed to follow me, keeping pace behind the crowd as I left. I could see her watching me… her neck still tilted at an odd angle. She kept following me. Even when I left the building and went out to my car, she followed me, a shadow in the dark, identified only by her tilted head.
I didn’t lose her until after I’d started driving and even then… it might not be entirely accurate to say I lost her.
More like… I chose to stop seeing her.
Whenever I knew she was there, I tried not to look.
Tried not to acknowledge her.
But she hasn’t gone away.
No matter how hard I’ve tried to ignore her, no matter what I’ve done to reassure myself that Ginger is dead she won’t go away!
It’s not even my fault!
***
“I can’t raise it on my own!” She’d said, tears streaming down her cheeks. “Please, Mike! Please, nobody needs to know it’s yours I just need-”
“No!” I’d snapped. “No! No, I can’t have it out there! I can’t!”
“Well then what the hell am I supposed to do?”
“Just get rid of it!”
She’d stared at me with a look of horror in her eyes.
“Get rid of it…” She’d repeated. “Mike that’s murder… you know it’s murder, you said so yourse-”
“And right now, I’m saying get rid of it!”
She’d stared at me with this look… with these tears of betrayal. She didn’t get it.
“Get rid of it,” I said again. “This is MY career that’s on the line here, not yours. Get rid of it!”
She’d cried… she’d begged.
But in the end she’d left.
Three days later, she was dead.
Her brother was the one tried for her murder. A witness said he’d seen him push her down a flight of stairs. She’d broken her neck in the fall. He said she’d begged him to do it, but the judge hadn’t decided that was convincing enough evidence.
Either way… the pregnancy was taken care of and Ginger was out of the picture. It wasn’t the ending I’d wanted but… it would suffice.
***
Seeing her at the campaign rally shouldn’t have spooked me so much. But that look in her eyes… I think after everything, it just broke me.
After I left the rally, I went to the hotel I’d been staying in. Called my team and said I’d been feeling ill, and went upstairs to run myself a hot bath to try and relax. While the bath filled, I went to sit with my laptop and check some emails. I sent off a few quick apologies to my staff, and asked them to draft a letter to my supporters apologizing for my sudden departure. I figured I could still spin this into a positive. Say I was ill when I came onstage, but still wanted to give my best for them. It’d make me look like a harder worker or something.
After a few minutes, I figured the tub should be ready. I poured myself a drink and went upstairs again, ready to put this miserable night behind me.
Tomorrow… I’d need to find a way to deal with these… visions. Find some way to stop seeing her.
Tomorrow.
I took a sip of my drink as I reached the top of the stairs, already feeling a little more relaxed and then…
There she was.
Inches from my face.
My heart skipped a beat as I stared into her cold blue eyes. Once again, my voice caught in my throat.
“Michael…”
Her voice was a low whisper that turned my blood into ice. I felt a hand on my chest and I saw her lips curl into a knowing smile.
And then I was falling.
I reached out to try and grab her but she was already gone… and the stairs were rushing up to meet me.
***
The doctors say I won’t walk again. They say I’m lucky I only broke my spine.
Lucky.
No…
I don’t think I’m lucky at all.
There’s debate on if I can even still run in this campaign now… people think I’m dropping out. Honestly - I think they might be right. Even if I don’t, I doubt I’ll live to see the end of the primaries.
She’s in the room with me now.
Watching.
Smiling.
I’m not sure if she’s savoring this… or waiting for her chance to finish me.
Both, maybe.
This isn’t the ending I wanted… but I guess it’s what I’ll get.
---
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