Hey guys, I’m back again with an update.
It’s been a couple of days and the food is just about gone. Luckily, there’s a sink in the corner so I don’t have to worry about water. It tastes a little metaly but it hasn’t made me puke so I guess it’s fine. For some reason, there’s a bag of cat food in the corner so I guess if it comes down to it I can eat that.
Okay, now onto what you’re all really interested in.
The little potato dude is okay. He’s still a weird little guy, but I haven’t had to smash him yet. I know what he eats now, but that's getting ahead of myself a bit. We’ve come to an understanding but it definitely took us some time to get there.
The first day was the worst.
As I tried to find ways out of the little room, the little guy just kept screaming to be let out. The longer he screamed, the more he started to sound like a baby crying for food. I swear I could hear him through my headphones, and after they died, I was stuck with just the sound of him crying. I alternated between charging my phone and charging my earbud case, but sometimes I was still left listening to the little guy scream.
He cried till about midnight, and that's when I almost snapped.
I picked up the tank, now more like a fish tank and less like a jar, and stared through the glass at him. I must have been pretty scary because he stopped yelling and just stared back at me with his multiple eyes. He had so many, they were all over his body, and we had a little staring contest before I finally told him to shut up.
“Or else I will smash your little tank and squish you like a bug.”
He seemed to think about that, and when he nodded it was like his whole body nodding.
We had some silence after that as the two of us sat and made our little plans. I thought about calling campus security, but when I tried, they just thought I was goofing. I tried to explain to them where I was and what was going on, but they just told me not to play games and hung up on me. I tried 911 again, but they said the same thing. Heck, the lady on the 911 call threatened to call the police if I kept calling, and I told her to go right ahead. Maybe the police could find me better than campus security, but since they haven’t broken down the door yet, I guess not.
It was about three am when I finally thought to look at the tank and found him watching me.
“Well?” I asked, making the little guy jump, “Have you got any ideas?”
He seemed to think about it, but before he could say it, I cut him off.
“And don’t say let you out of the tank.”
“Fair enough,” he said, “In that case, I have nothing to add yet.”
“Terrific!” I said, putting my head in my hands and staring at the floor.
“Have you, perhaps, thought about vents or drains?”
I had, but they were all too small for me to climb into. There was a drain in the floor but I couldn’t even get a foot in there. The ventilation shafts were an idea, but most of them would be too snug for me. I’m a beefy guy, not muscular but kinda fat, and getting stuck in the vents sounded like a terrible way to die without anyone realizing it.
“Yeah, obviously. I’m too big to fit through those.”
“A problem I do not have.” the creature reminded me, more than a little smugly too.
“Back to that again,” I growled, “And what's to stop you from just leaving me hanging once you get out?”
The little dude didn’t say anything for a few minutes, contemplating his next move as I Googled like a madman. I was looking for blueprints for the college online since a place like this would have to have them filed. See, I’m not super smart when it comes to math and science, but I know a little bit about building permits and filing your blueprints with the city. If this place was built by the college, then it had to exist in the public sphere.
After an hour of looking with no results, I was ready to throw my phone down. I went and grabbed some kale chips out of the little fridge, munching them sullenly as I tried to come up with a plan. The little guy was back to looking at me again, and I couldn’t help but notice that something had changed. All the eyes on his body opened and closed but they were never all open at once. He also looked tired, maybe even a little pale. I looked down at the bag of chips and thought again about how I might have to feed this little guy at some point.
“Do you need to eat? It’s been about twenty-four hours since Doc was here, and I don’t think I’ve ever been here when he feeds you.”
The little creature pulled its lips up into a sad smile, “You couldn’t feed me what I want. I don’t eat normal food and you aren’t equipped to give me what I need.”
I started to get a little offended, “What's that supposed to mean?”
It looked at me, and I felt a little shudder ripple over my skin as it did.
“I feed on brain waves. Creative brain waves, to be precise. The Doctor feeds me by just being around me like his lab assistants did. You, however, don’t seem to create the same way he did. You look at your little device all the time and it makes your brain waves taste bland and unappetizing. That's why The Doctor’s Assistants kept getting headaches. The more they created, the more I fed. The Doctor doesn’t get them because his mind is like a wellspring. You, on the other hand, are incapable of nourishing me. You simply don’t think the same.”
I sat back, not sure whether to be happy that I couldn’t feed him or offended that he was sayin I was too dumb?
In the end, I guess I just decided to roll with it.
“Well, I guess we’re both stuck then. You need to eat brainwaves and I need to eat food. We can’t get either here, so what do we do about it?”
“Is there anything in here we could use to break open the door?” the creature asked hopefully.
“Checked already. There’s some lab equipment and the fridge, the table you're on, and the chair I’m sitting in. Other than that, not much. There are books, but none of them are gonna get us out of here.”
I kept searching on my phone for something that looked familiar in the blueprints, but it was getting frustrating.
“Ugh, if only I knew where we were. If I knew the name of the building I could find the right map or tell security where to find us!”
“Wait, is that all you need to get us out of here?” it asked, floating close to the side of the tank so it could look at me.
“Well yeah. If I knew where we were then I could tell security where we were stuck.”
“I know where we are,” it said, and it sounded less smug and more sinister when it said it.
I stared back at it for a few seconds, waiting for it to fill me in.
It sat there for a few seconds, waiting for me to ask the question.
“Well? Are you gonna tell me or what?”
“Why should I?” it said, “If I tell you, then you’ll just leave and I’ll be stuck here. What guarantee do I have that you won’t just leave me once you’ve gained your freedom.”
The little son of a bitch had me there. There would be nothing to stop me from just leaving him here to die in that tank. Without any brain wave to gobble, he’d shrivel up and die. Maybe that's what he deserved, but I just couldn’t bring myself to hate him like that. The little dude had never done me wrong, and I couldn’t mess up my karma by shafting him like that.
“I promise that if we get that door open, I’ll take you with me.”
“And release me?” he asked, hedging.
“Dude, if you get us out of here, I’ll take you to SeaWorld and release you, if that's what you want. The kale chips are going to run out soon, and if I starve, you are SOL little bud. You might not be able to eat my brain waves, but you can’t open your tank or dial my cell phone with those baby fingers either. Whether we like it or not, we kinda need each other right now.”
The creature nodded, bumping its little head against the side of the glass.
“Agreed. I will have to trust in your honor, I suppose.”
“Brah, I am chocked full of honor. I've never welched on a promise and I’m not gonna start now.”
“Very well then,” it said with a little smile, “The building is called Rashley Laboratories. At least that's what the assistants always thought of when they thought about it at all. One of them thought it was spooky when they walked through it to get here, and the images led me to believe that it might be abandoned.”
I already had the cell phone out and Googling as he finished. There was no Rashley Laboratories, but there was an R. Ashley Science Hall. It had been abandoned in the nineties after an explosion in the science wing, but the campus had never torn it down for some reason. It had been named a historic building in two thousand nine and while they had renovated the outside to make it prettier, the inside was pretty much untouched.
Sounded like a great place for a secret lab and a covert experiment.
Campus security picked up on the second ring, and I sighed when I realized it was the same guy I had dealt with the night before.
“Campus security, Officer Rob speaking, how may I help you?”
“Hey, yeah, we talked last night before you hung up on me. I still,”
“Hey, I remember you. Are you still playing this game? This has got to be getting old by now.”
“Look, just listen. We’re…I’m stuck in the R. Ashley Science Hall and I need help.”
There was silence as he digested this.
“Okay, nice try, but that building has been closed for years. I’m pretty sure the doors never open.
How exactly did you get in there, if you are actually stuck in there?”
“It’s hard to explain,” I said, looking at the little potato dude as I thought about how to start.
“I’ve got time, let's hear the whole story,” he said, pretending to be interested.
To hell with it, I decided, might as well lay it all on the line.
“I’m sitting down here with Doctor Crandler’s experiment, the one who got arrested for buying stuff to make. He pays me to sit down here and watch it at night, but the door is locked and I need someone to let me out.”
The line was quiet for a few seconds, and then Officer Rob started laughing.
“Wow, great story. I love the little name drop, but I’m kind of busy to be going down to an abandoned building and tromping through dust right now, why don’t you call back when,”
“Fine,” I said, deciding to take another direction, “maybe I’ll just call the Feds and let them know that I have a highly illegal experiment that Doctor Crandler was working on and that the college was probably helping to fund. Then, when they ask why campus security didn’t take the call, you can tell them how you thought it was a big joke and didn’t look into it. That's probably going to make you look really great.”
There was silence for a minute, then a big sigh from Rob.
“Okay, kid. It’s at least worth a look, I guess. Give me your cell phone number so I can call you from my security phone when I get there. You can help me find you since you’re so lost.”
I looked back at the potato dude, putting my hand over the phone as I whispered, “Got any other ideas about how to find us?”
He looked like he was thinking, before nodding and saying he could probably guide him to us.
So that's where we’re at now. Help seems to be on the way, and I’m updating you guys as I wait for the security dude to call back. I’ll post again when I have an update so stay tuned for more news. Wish me luck, hopefully, we make it out of here pretty soon cause one more kale chip and I might need a barf bucket.
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