Series by Murderbird17
So, where did i leave off? Yea that’s right! I just found out the one person on this god forsaken plot of land that i had considered to be on my side before Mark showed up, is dead. That’s right folks, the lady in the tree wasn’t mad at me, she wasn’t ignoring me! She had been deceased for almost a year now. She is the one who really provided me with the means to survive over the past three years.
She gave me a gun with magic bullets. She gave me hearing in an ear that had been destroyed. She gave me antidotes, alcohol, IM PRETTY SURE SHE EVEN DID MY LAUNDRY ONCE. I also can’t help but think that she had something to do with the fact that the spirt preacher couldn’t posses me. The most important thing she gave me though, was her trust. Based on the few times she had directly communicated with me, through letters, she had always eluded to the fact that i was supposed to be the one to help cleanse this land of the supposed darkness. Like i was the chosen one or some shit. Wether I’m actually special or not though, she trusted me absolutely. And i failed.
In her mind i was battling these monsters and scaring them away from here! I was the hero she had been waiting on, for she couldn’t fight the creatures directly due to some sort of oath. In reality all I’ve done for the past three years was dick around and get lucky. I’ve never gone out looking to solve the monster problems around here. Even when i set the trap for Camo, that was purely selfish in reasoning. I was just annoyed by his constant attempts at trapping me. I didn’t do it for the greater good of the land! Looking at my life I’ve really never done much to serve anyone else but myself. Even the stuff i did after my dad was killed, i wasn’t avenging him, i was getting revenge for me.
I don’t know why she ever decided that i was the one that would make things right, what instincts had told her that i was the man that would finally change something. I really wish she had never decided on me in the first place because that fact alone is why as i type this in my hospital bed, my throat is hurting and my lip is trembling. Actually that might be the hospital food’s fault. Not really sure at this point.
Enough sad monologuing, time to get back to what happened. Sonya had some explaining to do and i fully expected to get every ounce of useful intel from her. First question i needed answered was what the hell happened to the lady in the tree. “Sonya, what happened to her.” She looked at the ground, it was obvious that she was dreading having to explain this to me. “She snuck into what was left of my shelter in the middle of the night after skinny attacked the ponderosa. She told me...” At this Mark (who seemed to materialize from nowhere) cut her off.
“Look, i understand you wanna get right to the part where the tree lady died, but first there is some other questions that need answers. Why did skinny attack in the first place, do you know where he came from, do you know how to stop him!” I turned to ague with Mark because I was the one who wanted to get to the part where she died, but unfortunately, Mark was right. “Yea, as much as i want to hear about what became of the lady in the tree, we need to start from the beginning. Now what was that about you saying that some of these monsters popping up were your fault?” I guess Mark hadn’t heard that part of the previous conversation because now he looked at me with surprise etched into his face.
Sonya was even slower to answer this time. “Well, ummm, Cole, it wasn’t MY fault per-say. You know how stubborn and persistent Hector can be right?” I didn’t really like where this was going but i had a pretty good idea. “Yea? I mean he tried to kill me, what? Six times i think?” Without thinking Sonya replied, “9, but that’s not what’s important, what is important is that Hector has been trying to summon cuthulu for years now, but in the last year, he’s finally started having... progress... sorta.” Mark chimed in. “What exactly does this progress consist of?” The young cultist paused for a moment, deep i thought. “Well, that attempts at summoning rituals started working, just not as we planned. Things were coming though the portals we created, the things weren’t what we meant to summon though. So far we have summoned a 15 foot tall cloaked tentacle man that has been kidnapping our brothers and sisters on a regular basis until recently, the baby doll monster you both just saw, and spirit that keeps creating minor inconveniences like broken plates and shoelaces being stolen from their respective shoes. But this last thing we summoned, and by far the most vicious. Was the shape shifter.”
I couldn’t believe what i was hearing! “So let me get this straight. YOU PEOPLE are responsible for the tall man, the ghost preacher bitch, that baby doll abomination, AND skinny? Was there ever a point where you thought, damn, these rituals aren’t really helping us out very much, maybe we should STOP!” Sonya shrugged as she looked at me. “This is Hector we are talking about.” She had a point, Hector doesn’t know when to quit. Mark decided to pipe up again, “And what finally happened to convince you that these rituals were a bad idea?” “When the shape shifter killed half of us then only stopped after saying that he was going to take a nap and come back for the rest of us later.” “That’s a pretty solid reason.” I said after considering what she said.
“So was it during skinny’s nap that the lady in the tree came to talk to you?” I asked. “Yea it was a few hours after the attack. The community was absolute chaos while Hector tried to calm everyone down, i was in my shed trying to figure out what i absolutely needed take with me when i fled. That when i hear a woman whisper ‘hey’ to me, it was her. I immediately knew she wasn’t one of us because, well she doesn’t wear much in the way of clothes and we are very strict about our dress code here.” “What did she want?”
This time Sonya took a deep breath and closed her eyes before answering. “She said that she had a way to save us from the shape shifter, but she had a message and a few things that she needed to leave with me. After telling me this she went back outside for a moment and when she came back she was carrying 3 large nets. She explained that the nets were for the man that lived up the hill, you, and that i was to give them to you as soon as possible. She also said she had thought of a way to keep the shape shifter from attacking anyone again until you had a chance to deal with him.”
This revelation puzzled me, i knew for a fact that the lady in the tree couldn’t directly attack or harm any creature as part of an oath. Mark stayed silent, deep in thought. I on the other hand, kept on pressing Sonya for answers. “So why the fuck didn’t you tell me any of this sooner? This information would have been hang, oh i dunno, like A YEAR AGO!” Sonya flinched as i finished my sentence. “Honestly Cole, i was just scared that if you saw me, you would kick the shit outa me.” I guess i can’t blame her for that one. I did kick the shit out of Hector right in front of her a couple of years ago.
“Ok ok. Did she tell you how she planned on doing this?” “She never got the chance to, before she could explain any further we heard screaming along with the sound of ripping metal outside. We rushed out to see a 9 foot tall Ronald McDonald ripping someone in half while laughing like a mad man. The Native American woman looked at me one last time and said ‘make sure to tell Cole that he alone can send these Beasts back using those nets. He may not know yet, but he will know what to to when the time comes. The elder spirits will guide and protect him.’ With that the Indian woman took off towards the shape shifter ,which was now a giant werewolf. As she got closer she started screaming some words i didn’t understand. She also started glowing blue, which was odd. She finally got the shape...” “Just call him skinny, it’s catchier.”
Sonya seemed kind of annoyed that i interrupted her but she continued all the same. “She got SKINNY’S attention when she stopped five feet in front of him. She was lit up like a blue glow stick at this point. She had stopped chanting at this point and was just standing in front of skinny trying to catch her breath when skinny said ‘well aren’t you different, I’ve never killed a glowing one before!’ And proceeded to casually swipe at her with a clawed hand. Indian woman didn’t flinch, but when the first claw made contact with her there was a deafening BOOM, accompanied by an explosion of what looked like red mist!”
“SKINNY CAN VAPORIZE PEOPLE?” I blurted, now a little more wary of my plans to attack the entity. Sonya was quick to set me straight though. “No no no, SHE did something to herself with those incantations. Before that point all skinny had done was shred people into smaller portions of people.” Mark muttered in response, “Probably some curse that she set on herself as a trap so when skinny attacked her, it would trigger. This would bypass her rule of not being able to cause direct harm to other creatures since in a way, skinny cursed himself by attacking her out of his own will. Did anything change about skinny’s behavior after the lady in the tree, you know?” Mark slid his thumb across his through in a slicing motion, as he finished, he glanced over at me with what looked like pity in his eyes.
“Yes, umm, what’s your name?” His look of pity quickly turned to a look of annoyance. “Mark.” The expert said with a growl. “Yes Mark, his behavior did change. See, after the Indian woman disappeared, it only took a few seconds for skinny to regain his composure. He almost immediately started laughing. Then said ‘What the hell was that? A suicide bomber attempt? PATHETIC!’ However, as he lunged to grab yet another one of my sisters, he fell to the ground in writhing agony! He got up and tried again and again, but each time he attempted to attack someone, he was met with paralyzing pain.”
“So the curse makes it so that skinny can’t hurt anyone?” I asked, apprehensively. “Because 6 months ago skinny smacked the dog shit out of me and i almost died.” “Not quite, see the curse has one catch, we found that out when Martin , cuthulu bless his soul, tried to take advantage of his inability to attack, and launched an assault of his own. But when his baseball bat made contact with the creature, he was immediately stuck down by a clawed hand.”
I slapped my palm against my forehead, “AHHH, that makes sense! So he can only attack if you attack first! That’s why he tries to get us pissed at him, he made it seem like he was trying to lure us outside to disguise the fact that he was actually luring us into attacking him!” Both Sonya and Mark looked at me somewhat startled for a moment before Mark spoke up. “Cole, pardon me but I’m honestly only used to you saying stupid shit, but i think you’re actually right this time.” I started to argue, but quickly realized he was right. Fuck you Mark.
“So do i kill, or banish skinny by tossing one of those nets on him and yelling whatever magic words come into my head. Wait, how the actual fuck did i know what magic words to use?” Sonya answered me with, “yea, i don’t really understand that either but let’s just roll with it.”
Just then i heard Mark say, “what the fuck?” From right behind me. This was odd since Mark had been standing in front of me for a few minutes now. I turned around and sure enough, there was a second Mark behind me. This meant that either skinny just walked up pretending to be Mark, or even worse, he had been talking to us the whole time and now knew everything that we knew.
Sonya and i both backed away from the marks as they stared at each other in confusion, at then back at me. The mark on the left yelled. “THROW THE NET ON IT, now is your chance to end him!” The other fires back “NO! He’s trying to trick you! Throw it on him! Fast!” After a moment of thought i said, “OK, so, i think i have a way to figure this out. Which ever one of you is the real Mark just has to punch the other Mark to prove you can attack first!” Both Marks shouted, “BUT THEN HE’KILL ME!” At this Sonya whispered in my ear, “Damn, he’s good.”
But i already had knew what my next move was. “Sonya, give me one of those nets.” As she handed me one of the nets that was laying on the ground next to her i started walking towards the Marks until i was right in front of them. A wicked grin spread across my face as i said “Alright, here is a question that only the REAL Mark would know the answer to, how did i get the tall man to run away?” The Mark on the left quickly responded, “UHH, you cut off a tentacle! But couldn’t skinny have seen that?” I know looked Mark on the right to see how planned to respond to the situation. All he did was squint his eyes at me and sigh, then, in a defeated tone say, “you took off your clothes and ran at him naked until he fled.”
Satisfied by his answer, i slung the net over the top of the left most Mark’s head, and yelled the new magic words, “EK’LAH’HA’CHELRIKA!” Not really sure why the magic words that came out of my mouth were different from the ones that came out when i got rid of the baby doll monster, but like Sonya said, i guess we just roll with it. As the runes that that were carved into the rocks that outlined the net started to glow red, and skinny was swallowed by the smoke, i heard him utter, “No, Fucking, Way.” In a deep voice, then, as the smoke that swallowed him was blown away by a breeze, he was gone.
Pretty anti climactic right? I was honestly kinda hoping for some badass battle where we fought to the death and i got to stab him with a magic wooden spear that was like a final gift from the lady in the tree or something while saying something really cool. But in the end, skinny was defeated by an immature inside joke. That’s it! I mean yea, the tall man is still out there somewhere, but skinny is done! The lady in the tree got her wish. That’s all i could really hope to accomplish. Mark was pretty pissed off at me for putting his like on the line and risking sending him to another dimension on the basis of him remembering an inside joke. In response to his anger, i just told him that i had faith and him and in the end, that’s all that mattered. All he said in return was, “fuck you, i need a beer.”
I didn’t tell him how i had really figured out who was real when they both said “but then he’ll kill me!” in unison. See, the new Mark that had just walked up shouldn’t have known the rules of the curse since he hadn’t been there to hear about them. All i can figure is that skinny had probably been listening in disguised as a cultist and decided to enter the conversation and stop us before we came up with the plan to kill him. I really just wanted Mark to believe that i was dumb enough to put his life on the line for something that skinny could have easily heard had he been eaves dropping at the right time. Serves him right for basically calling me a dumbass earlier!
After skinny was dealt with, Mark and i shared an uncomfortable couple of goodbyes with the cultists, most of whom hadn’t even noticed what had happened (including Hector) Much less appreciated the fact that we just got rid of the single most vile creature that had ever in habited this land. But i was ok with that, the fact that the lady in the tree’s killer was gone for good was enough for me.
Some of you are probably asking, “wait if that’s all that happened, then why were they both in the hospital?” Well... that actually happened when the headquarters of the monster hunting organization that Mark works for summoned both of us to be interrogated about the events that lead to the destruction of skinny, with they knew to be an extremely high level threat. After all the paper work and questioning was over with, Mark offered to take me out for a drink. I accepted. Long story short, don’t drink and drive kids. They even took up our electronics for the first week we were in here! Claimed it was so they could “scan” them but i knew it was just punishment for damaging a company armored suv.
Anyways that’s pretty much it for now. I’ll try to keep posting but now that skinny is gone, the land seems a lot more... relaxed. Hope y’all enjoyed the tale of how i finally killed skinny. This is Cole Signing Off.
END
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