In hindsight, I should have noticed it earlier. But when you’re always with somebody, sometimes you don’t see the bigger picture until you take a step back.
One evening, after I got back from work, he was still lying in bed, with the covers over his head, body curled up and facing the wall. My partner had told me he needed a break, some extra rest, some time off work. But it had now been over three weeks. With each passing day, he said less and less. Getting a one word reply would have been a pleasant surprise. And no matter how much I tried, he wouldn’t eat during the day. Instead, I would sometimes wake in the middle of the night hearing him get something from the fridge, or putting something into the microwave.
Eventually, I sought help. They would come over to try and talk to him, asking me politely to stay out of the apartment for a few hours, maybe do some shopping or watch a film or something. But it was no use. The harder we tried to reach out to him, the tighter he would grip onto his blanket, retreating further and further into this abyss inside him that I could not even begin to imagine.
That day, I was just coming back from work. Moments after the train emerged from the tunnel and the carriage was bathed with the evening glow, my phone rang.
“Honey.”
“Paul!” I was astonished that he would call me.
“Honey, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”
“Why? Wha-what’s going on?”
“These last few months. I-I can’t imagine how much pain I’ve put you through.”
“Paul. No, sweetie, don’t say that.”
“No, I’m sorry, I’m so so sorry. There’s no possible way that I could make it up to you.”
“Don’t say that. Don’t say these things. You don’t owe me anything.”
“Honey, don’t come back to the apartment tonight. Please, whatever you do, don’t come back tonight. Please, promise me this!”
“W-why? What’s going on? Honey, what’s going on?”
“Please, just promise me this. Say ‘I promise’, please honey, please do this for me.”
“Paul, just tell me what’s going on. You’re worrying me so much, I feel sick!”
“Please just promise me.”
“Ok, I promise. What the hell is going on?”
“I don’t want you to see me like this.”
“What are you on about Paul? Don’t be rash, don’t do anything stupid!”
“Honey, remember that time we were in Vienna? And that night we were walking through that garden underneath the stars?”
“Mhm”
“I’ve been thinking about that a lot lately. At that moment, I felt such a strange, weird mixture of feelings. With you by my side, I felt so complete, like I was part of a whole. But staring up at the sky, with that cosmic vastness surrounding us, I couldn’t help but feel lost and insignificant. Like I was part of a whole, but such a small part, such a meaningless part…….you know what I mean? I hope at least, at the very least, that you’re able to treasure that moment, and all the other moments we’ve had together.”
I managed a smile through my blubbering.
“You cheesy bastard.”
There was a silent pause, during which the train arrived at my station, and the doors slid open.
“Honey…..I love you.”
Before I could answer, there was a loud thud.
“Paul, what was that? Paul? Paul? Answer me!”
I ran and ran and ran, with my phone pushed against my ear, waiting, begging for a response.
For what seemed like an eternity, there was nothing, wailing from my end and silence from his.
Then, all of a sudden:
“honey”
“Paul, are you still there, Paul?”
“help” His voice was croaky, but there was no doubt in my mind that it was Paul.
“Paul, what’s happened, tell me!”
“help me”
“Paul, I’m nearly back. I’ve just turned the corner onto our road. Whatever’s happened, just hang in there.”
“help me. inside. i can’t.”
And then, just as I reached the entrance to our apartment complex, Paul began to make this hideous noise. Like a kind of muffled scream, raspy and high-pitched. It was relentless. He screamed and screamed without stopping for breath.
I rushed through the door of our apartment and there he was. His feet were dangling three feet off the ground, his face was still, pale and lifeless, seemingly at peace. His phone was on the floor, shattered.
But mine was still up against my ear. And the screaming didn’t stop.
—
Credits to: photofreecreepypasta
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