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Pasta Player: Conker's Worst Fur Day


Well, I am so scared right now. I just played a fucked up game/ROM called Conker's Worst Fur Day. Anyways, I guess I should tell you my story. When I was younger, I owned a N64, and for my birthday I got a game called Conker's Bad Fur Day.

It was a game meant for adults due to swearing, blood, nudity, sexual references, etc. But my parents just saw the cover and thought oh this looks like a cute game, perfect for our son's birthday!

Anyways I used to love that game (I did NOT tell my parents about it because I knew they would return it.). Anyways, I loved playing through it and I laughed alot. (I would have laughed more if i knew what some of the jokes meant before.) Okay, so earlier today, I was watching a YouTube video about sonic. And I came across a video called eggman is the great mighty poo. I knew I heard that somewhere, then I saw something called Conker's Bad Fur Day: Great Mighty Poo. Okay, so after seeing this I thought "Hey, I remember this game!". Suddenly I felt an extremely big urge to play the game. I had already had an N64 emulator (Project 64).

So I googled Conker rom. Exactly like that. The first few sites I did'nt trust, but then I saw one called Conker's Worst Fur Day Rom, I don't remember the site name, but I clicked it because the urge started growing. It opened a near blank page with just a button in the middle that said "Download: Conker's Worst Fur Day.zip" I clicked it instantly and it downloaded. When it was done I started playing. It did'nt open with the cute jumping N64 logo, and conker cutting it in half with a chainsaw, It started with a grey squirrel (Like the one in the bar on the main menu.) running in a poorly lit room, then a mangled, bloody, wounded Conker appeared behind him and sawed him in half with a chainsaw spilling guts, bones, etc. everywhere. Then Conker looked at the screen with his torn up bloody face, and said "You're in for HELL fucker.".

The strange thing was that in Conker the word Fuck is censored, but in this rom it wasn't. I thought "COOL AN UNCENSORED CONKER GAME!" damn was that a bad idea to keep going with the rom. Anyway the game started with conker entering the bar as usual, but instead of the menu showing up, when conker entered the bar all you could hear was loud, eerie, depressing, realistic, screaming. I instantly turned down the volume. Then out from under the door of the bar blood started seeping through and mixing in the puddles from the rain. Then the screen faded out to black. Then it showed the beggining area where you start the game and you have the hangover. Finally I can play! I thought. That was not a good thing. Anyways I started but there was no cutscene and Conker was fine. I pressed B and Conker swung a chainsaw, then put it away.

Cool, I get a chainsaw instead of a faggy frying pan. Anyways I jumped the fence to speak to birdy. But, when I walked up to him Conker looked at him and said "Hey, shit head. Give me some help." then birdy the scarecrow looked at him and said "Why the fuck do you need anything. You know how to play Raleigh.". WHAT THE FUCK? I thought. I didn't put my name into the game, unless the rom read my user name from the computer, but the way birdy said my name, sounded like the real voice actor. I just took a breath and continued. Then Conker looked at birdy and said "You fucking shit hole. I'll cut your fucking head off." then the game let me play. I pressed B then the game entered a cutscene.

It was very dark for some reason, and the place was only illuminated by constant lightning flashes. Anyhow I just caught a glimpse of Conker killing birdy with his chainsaw. Then he said "Rot in hell fucker.". Then I got to play, but the game was still dark and had lightning. I made my way up the mountain path, but the gargoyle was not there, so I headed in the cave. I was expecting to appear in the bright happy field with the Nast, Nice fork in the road. But instead conker entered the path up to the haunted house. I walked up but I forgot about the skeleton snakes, and got attacked by one, but instead of being chewed up and spit out, it showed the snake put conker on the ground and start mauling him, biting him over and over, revealing his guts, bones, and eyes start spilling out.

Then the skeleton snake let out a demonic cry, then jumped out of the road and dug back into the ground. I was waiting for the game to restart back at the checkpoint, but instead it showed a fucked up hurt, bloody, wounded, conker in a seemingly endless room, filled with zombies (like from the graveyard level.). It showed Conker on the ground, guts, blood, etc. lying all around him. Then it showed his face. I got so shocked from the scene, I turned around and let my stomach settle. Then I looked back at the cut up, bloody, conker face. He was missing his eyes and it showed empty sockets.

Then after he let out a moan he said "You never know... a goo... a good... thing... until... until it... it is... GONE!". When Conker said gone it was so loud and terrifying I shut off the sound. Then I took a piss and came back. The screen showed conker being devoured by endless amounts of zombies. Then when all that was left was the disturbing head of Conker.

The zombies faced the screen and started walking towards it. Then I tried pressing B. When I did a shotgun was pulled out, (the game seemed like a first person shooter, so it was like halo sort of.) I pressed z and it fired a shot holding off the zombies. I remembered that in Conker, zombies must get a head shot to die. So I killed them one by one until there were no more. Suddenly the conker head said in a whisper "Ra...Raleigh..." I ran over, knowing I would have to see the head, but I felt like I had to do it. The screen showed Conker's head lying there, and he said

"Do...Don't be...be...like...me...learn...to..to...love...and...don't...love...money...be...be...kind...promise...me..you...will...do...this."


The game didn't do anything, and by now I had tears running down my face, and a softly said to the screen okay. Then Conker's head let out one last gasp and said "good." then the screen darkened out and the game shut off. Then I gently deleted the rom and turned off my computer. Even now I can still hear his voice, but I know that rom was a message to me. Let it also be a message to you. Okay? Good.
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