Jeremy went missing when I was eighteen, and at the time I wasn’t sure how I felt about it. I was worried about him, and I hated seeing what my parents were going through. They blamed themselves, of course. My father seemed to grow older overnight, prematurely tired from the weight of picturing his oldest son laid up in some crack house or meth den. My mother barely slept at all for over a year, and after that me or Matt would still catch her sometimes softly crying when she didn’t think anyone was around. Her first child was gone, probably murdered and then abandoned in some forlorn ditch or secluded patch of woods. She’d always worried about the crowd he’d taken up with—how secretive and strange he had become over the years. How different from the boy she remembered and loved. No doubt those people had led him into some danger. A danger she had failed to help him avoid or escape.
From those first few days where Jeremy didn’t come home or answer his phone to the following months my parents spent talking to police, private investigators, and their friends about helping find their baby boy, I saw the pain and guilt eat away at them like an infection. It spread through their relationships with me and Matt, with their friends, and even with each other. They still deeply loved each other when my father died, but I couldn’t help but think how much better their lives could have been if Jeremy hadn’t gone missing. It made me resent him at eighteen, and by the time our father died…well, I still loved my older brother, but I hated him a bit too.
So it was hard sitting across from him in the cabin’s large living room, watching our mother and Aunt Trudy fawn over him, watching him joke around with Matt like they were best friend brothers who hadn’t missed a step. They all acted like he’d cured fucking cancer by dropping by after almost a decade, and it was all I could do to not punch him in the face.
But it wasn’t just anger and resentment that was bothering me. Something was different about him. He’d always seemed odd and remote, but there was a difference between feeling strange and feeling like a stranger. This man was definitely Jeremy—aside from a few lines around his eyes and a thick black beard, he looked much the same as I remembered him. The same slow, gentle smile, the same soft, deep voice. The same dreamlike stare that could startle you when it suddenly became focused and penetrating.
But the Jeremy I remembered was quiet and kept to himself. He was socially awkward, even around his own family. He was always polite enough, but he never had much to say and almost seemed to resent the times he was forced into any kind of prolonged interaction. I’d always felt a little sorry for him—he seemed so isolated and sad and lonely, even if he didn’t realize it himself a lot of the time. I’d never felt we were close enough for me to ever talk to him about it, but after he was gone, I always wished I had.
Now…Now he was warm and friendly. Talkative and outgoing, funny and even charming. One minute he’d be asking Trudy about her store or our mother about her writing. Then he’d start kidding around with Matt or asking me how my graduate work was going. He smiled, he joked, and he seemed so happy to be back with the family that he had missed for so long.
Except I didn’t believe it.
There was something off about all of it. It was too polished, too practiced, too sure. There was nothing in particular I could point to, but I couldn’t shake the feeling that we were watching a performance. Being sold something or tricked in some way. They were all just happy to accept him back, no questions asked, and he was making it very easy for them with his warm laughter and interest in all he had missed. And yet no one was asking him much of anything. It was as if he’d never abandoned his family at all, or as if his reappearance was as delicate as a soap bubble—they were avoiding the slightest disturbance out of fear he may suddenly pop back out of existence again.
But as the day went on, I found it harder and harder to play nice. They were just giving him a free pass, and yes, I was happy he was back, especially for our mother’s sake, but he didn’t get to just show up and not give any kind of explanation for where he’s been. Trudy and Matt were in the kitchen making us all sandwiches when I decided I couldn’t take it anymore. I thought about just getting up and going outside for a bit, cooling off, but then I thought about all the times I’d seen our mother crying. Seen our father looking like something inside him had been snuffed out. No. He wasn’t going to hurt them again, and if he was coming back into this family, he was going to answer some fucking questions.
Mom was telling a story about when Jeremy was little, her eyes bright as she looked at him. Leaning forward in my chair, I interrupted.
“So, um, not to be a dick or anything, but where have you been, Jeremy? We’ve been telling you all about what we’ve been up to. How about you? Want to tell your family why you couldn’t call us or visit for like ten fucking years?”
Our mother’s eyes went wide as she visibly paled. Out of the corner of my eye I could see Trudy and Matt turn to look from the kitchen. I’d been right. They were all terrified to ask him anything.
For his part, Jeremy didn’t look upset or surprised. Instead, he seemed a little sad and embarrassed as he gave me a nod. “You’re right, Kat. I should have explained myself sooner. It’s no excuse, but to be honest I’m just ashamed of it. Of how I’ve treated all of you. And at least with you I get to try and make amends.” He glanced at our mother, and when he looked back to me his eyes were shimmering and wet. “I’ll never forgive myself for not getting more time with Dad. For not being here when he died. I just hope that, with time, I can show you…” He glanced around to each of the others in turn. “Show all of you, that I’m back for good and that I want to make amends for how I treated you.”
Mom was crying now, hugging him as she gave me a sad look that was also tinged with anger. “Is that good enough, Kat? The main thing is that he’s back. Our boy is finally home.” Jeremy hugged her back while giving me a small smile.
“He didn’t actually answer where…”
Jeremy broke in. “I know you have a lot of questions, Kat. I don’t blame you. And we don’t have to talk about everything right now, but it’ll all be answered in time. For now, I’d just like to enjoy spending some time with all of you. If that’s okay?” He was still smiling at me, but it felt a little colder now. I looked at Matt and Trudy and then our mother. Sighing, I nodded reluctantly.
“Sure, Jeremy. We’ll talk about it more later.”
“Tell me what’s going on right fucking now.”
Matt rubbed his arm where I’d punched him. The two of us were far out in the yard in front of the cabin, but he still kept his voice low as he responded. “Ow. Shit, K. Calm the fuck down, okay? Why are you so pissed about this?”
I frowned and shook my head. “I’m not piss…Okay, I am pissed, but it’s because something isn’t right about all of…” I gestured back toward the cabin, “that, whatever it is. Where has he been? Why did he come back now? And how in the fuck did he find us at this random-ass cabin in the middle of nowhere?”
Matt dropped his eyes and I punched him again in the arm. “Yeah, I fucking know how. This is all set-up. I fucking knew you wouldn’t just randomly decide to rent a cabin for us all to hang out at. And Mom and Trudy were clearly surprised when he popped up today. So what is it? You’ve been talking to him? He got you to set this up?”
Matt stepped back, recoiling first from the punch and then from my words. Raising a hand to ward me off, he met my eyes again. “Stop hitting me. God.” Sucking in a deep breath, he went on. “Okay, yeah. Jeremy contacted me a couple of years ago. We started talking a bit.” He took another step back as he saw my eyes widen. “I know, I know. But he made me promise not to tell, and I figured there was no reason in telling if he wasn’t going to come back around.”
I interrupted. “No reason…Matt, Mom thought he was fucking dead. Don’t you think we would’ve all liked to know that he was alive and okay?”
He winced. “I know. He just made me promise and…I don’t know. I didn’t feel like I could break that for some reason. Plus, I was hoping that I could eventually get him to come back around. And he’s here, so...”
Frowning, I tried to keep my temper in check as I went on. “Yeah, but why now? Why all this set up out here? Why couldn’t he just come home or call or whatever?”
My heart sank as I saw Matt’s face begin to crumple. “Kat…Mom’s sick. She’s been sick for a few months now. You’ve been busy and she didn’t want to worry you. Said she hoped she could get past it without you ever having to worry about it.”
I reached out gently and touched his arm. “What’s wrong with her? Please, tell me.”
He wiped at his eyes with the palm of his hand and looked back toward the cabin. “It’s breast cancer. I don’t know all the details, but the stuff they’ve been doing hasn’t worked too well. I talk to her more, so she told me about it, but she made me swear not to tell anyone else, even you. And I kept my promise for months, but then a couple of weeks ago I let it slip to Jeremy. I think I thought it might be the thing that would bring him back. And having him back might help her somehow. Make her happy.”
I gave Matt a hug. “I get it. I’m sorry I gave you such a hard time. I didn’t know you and Mom were dealing with this.” Pulling back, I gave him a watery smile. “But it worked at least. He’s back and she’s super happy.” I sighed. “Fuck, I wouldn’t have given him a hard time if I’d known about all this. I’m still pissed at him for being gone, but…it doesn’t matter. I’m on board, and from…” I trailed off as I saw Matt was shaking his head and smiling, his eyes glassy and wet as they met mine.
“You don’t understand, Kat. Jeremy isn’t just back to visit. He says he can fix it. Cure her. That’s why we’re up here.”
I pulled back further, confused. “What are you talking about?” Matt kept grinning, his hands uncomfortably tight on my arms.
“Don’t you see? Jeremy is going to take away Mom’s cancer.”
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Credits
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