I’m trying to quit social media. I really am. I’m tired of my friends’ vague pleas for sympathy (“guys im having THE WORST day”), tired of their invites for parties I never attend, tired of their successes too (“my bf is teh best <3 p="">
I’m trying to quit but…something is happening.
My friend Matt is insufferable. He’s a “friend” solely in the Facebook sense of the word—some guy I only see when he’s latched onto my real friends like a fungus. He’s always posting his inane, half-baked political views (poorly spelled, of course) and complaining about his equally vapid girlfriend. I hate seeing his punctuation-lacking, rhetoric-drenched updates creeping down my feed and choking out news I might ostensibly care about.
I finally decided to block him. He’d never know. I was just a speck floating in his peripheral vision.
Still, the relief I felt at the sight of a Matt-free News Feed for a whole week was replaced with gnawing unease. I was invited to a house party that he was sure to slump into. The thought of him confronting me (“You ignoring me, bro?”) made me queasy and I considered not going at all. But I couldn’t let down Ian. And Chloe would probably show up.
Matt wasn’t there. I was so pleased that I didn’t notice my other friends acting strangely at first—not until we grabbed some beers from the fridge and went to hang in Ian’s living room. I took a seat in a folding chair and everyone else settled in. The best seat in the house (a large, plush armchair) was left empty and I watched as people opted instead to lean against the wall or plop themselves on the floor. I took a swig and didn’t think much of it beyond wishing I had claimed the armchair for myself.
We laughed and talked and bullshitted like usual, but sometimes there would be pauses when no one said a thing and stared at the empty armchair, looks of anticipation or interest on their faces. These silences were usually followed by bouts of laughter or exclamations (“No way, man!”). Or, most bafflingly, sometimes they asked questions, relevant to nothing, that seemed directed at the silent space.
I sweated and looked at my beer. I couldn’t be that drunk, not after just two. When the next silence simmered through the room—eyes on the armchair—I was gripped with an intense desire to leave. To be away from…whatever was going on. I took another deep pull of the beer, readying my excuses to be on my way. When the bottle lowered from my vision, as if this were some sort of cue, everyone’s gaze shifted from the chair to me.
“What?” I said, nearly choking on my words. Instantly, their eyes shuttled between me and the chair.
“He asked you a question, Eli,” said a lanky guy I didn’t recognize and he pointed at no one. Someone laughed nervously.
“Quit fucking with me.” I stood up quickly—my confusion had morphed into undirected anger. It was probably just one of Ian’s pranks, but my discomfort eclipsed any sliver of humor to be found. “I’m outta here.”
“We’re not fucking with you—”
I let my beer fall to the floor, not caring that it sloshed onto the carpet, and was across the room before he could even finish his sentence. I heard Ian call my name and a murmur of excited voices as I flung myself out the front door. I didn’t look back. I just wanted to get home.
“Eli!” It was Chloe. “Wait up!”
Reluctantly, I stopped my trudge across the lawn and turned to face her. When she reached me, I could see that her cheeks were flushed from drinking—a rosy pink that matched her lips. I felt my heart trip along faster. Like always.
“Eli, what’s going on?” she said a bit breathlessly. “Are you mad at Matt?”
“Matt? What are you talking about?”
“Um, I’m talking about you acting like Matt didn’t exist all night.” Chloe smiled crookedly but there was little joy in the expression. I could only stare at her, dumbfounded. She continued when I said nothing. “You totally ignored him. You wouldn’t even look at him when he was talking to you.”
“Where—where was he sitting?” I somehow managed to speak around my tongue though it felt too big for my mouth.
“Are you serious? In that huge armchair, right next to you.” Her eyes narrowed with a look of worry. “Hey are you feeling all right…”
I didn’t hear the rest of what Chloe said—my heart was pulsing too loudly in my ears. Matt had been there but I hadn’t seen him at all. Hadn’t heard him. I had blocked him out entirely.
I blocked him.
—
Credits to: _magpie_
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