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Uncle Teddy and Cora: Dealing with the Debbil

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“Do you have somethin’ ta offer?”

I was standing in a bright patch of afternoon sun, but it felt like the whole world was cloudy and gray as I looked at the creature that had asked me the question. It was…Well, I don’t know what it was, really. Just looking at it, I’d describe it as a large homeless man made out of garbage and decay, full of dirt and trash and dead things.

But it was more than that too. Its green eyes of broken glass flashed with intelligence, and when its silver hypodermic teeth parted, the words that slipped between them were rough but knowing. I think it was that dry, almost business-like tone that made looking up at it worse. It drove home the point that I was the interloper here, not it. It knew what was going on, what the rules were, what its role was. I was traveling purely off a combination of Abraham’s shoddy notes, educated guesses, and a determination to not give up on getting Teddy back.

It would have to be enough. Stepping forward, I met its iridescent gaze and nodded. “I see you well, Incarnata, and I am here with both an offer and the fervent hope that a deal can be struck.”

Its large, shifting head returned my nod as it spoke. “Well-spoken. The dealing has begun.”


(From the notes of Abraham McMillen-partially paraphrased so they make fucking sense)

Incarnata: The name given to one of the Seven Realms. Also the general name for all beings that originate from there.

The realm Incarnata is a highly dangerous place, and was generally considered riskier to visit than infernal Hell so long as one had an escape route planned from Lucifer's Realm. The Hunter’s invasion and slow conquering of Hell has increased that Realm’s dangerousness greatly, but Incarnata still remains a very dicey proposition as well.

The reason it remains a goal for so many is because of what all it can offer. The Incarnata Realm is one born almost entirely out of belief and willpower, ideas and dreams. While it is highly mutable and wildly unpredictable, there are also many indications that it can be a source of great power and fulfillment.

(Two paragraphs are scratched out here so thoroughly that I couldn’t make out anything other than a handful of words: “tulpa”, “well”, and “Elder” in the first paragraph and “Imago” and “Halloween Room” in the second.)

These incredible displays of power aren’t limited to within their own Realm, however. Many Incarnata settle in our reality or in others. There are accounts of Incarnata living relatively mundane lives on the terrestrial plane, while other stories tell of those that cultivate power through becoming a legend or myth. It’s hard to know what is true and what is bullshit.

But what is known for sure is that some Incarnata are here with a specific job or purpose. They act as ferrymen for people that want to cross from one realm to another. Brokers for certain hard to find objects obtained from places most can’t go. While that all sounds great, the price is usually very high. Unlike demons, an Incarnata isn’t interested in your soul. But they find pleasure and power in acquiring something you value greatly, whatever that may be. Incarnatas are allegedly always truthful, but that doesn’t stop them from being shrewd dealmakers. I’ve heard it said that the only people that deal with Incarnatas are those that want to lose more than they gain. Or as my friend Chester used to say, dealing with an Incarnata is a lot like going to an orgy at a power tool convention. You always get screwed in a weird way and you’ll likely leave without all your parts.


I tugged up the shoulder straps of the backpack I was wearing as I considered what I had learned from both Abraham and his notes. The backpack was weighted down with all the tumerin from the devil piggy bank, and I knew that the infernal currency was very valuable in some circles, no pun intended. But looking into the Incarnata’s glittering eyes, I didn’t think money would be of any interest to him.

That opening response to his question about “did I have something to offer” had come from another of Abraham’s notes, and while it seemed to please the creature, I wasn’t sure what the best follow-up was. I didn’t want to offer the wrong thing and piss it off, but I also didn’t want to offer more than needed to get what I wanted. Sensing a growing impatience, I forced myself to begin.

“What do I have that is of value to you?”

The Incarnata shifted slightly on its oozing feet before giving an almost humanlike shrug. “How am I ta know what you got and don’t got? Am I your kin or keeper?”

It was hard to tell, but it sounded irritated now. Its metal teeth rasped together to make a low, unpleasant ringing sound that seemed to echo through the stillness of the abandoned park. For the fiftieth time I wondered if not bringing Heckle and Jeckle with me had been the right call. They were great guards, but I didn't know how their presence might unnecessarily complicate things with the Incarnata—I didn’t need brute force, I needed an agreement. I also needed to approach this differently, and fast. So I tried it from the other end.

“I need you to get my uncle, Theodore Westgate, from the blood tesseract controlled by the Blind Court. I will pay…what is fair and reasonable for that.”

A dry, rustling sound that I took as laughter issued from the creature. “Ain’t dealin’ with him. Dealing with you, ain’t I? So if you need travelin’ it’ll be you that does it.”

I nodded, my heart sinking slightly that the simple, easy way wasn’t going to work. “Can you get me to where Uncle Teddy is and bring us both back out of there once I find him?”

There was a pause before he nodded. “I suppose so—if you’re touching when I bring you back. But I can’t see well in that place, so the return will be at a set time, not whenever you like.” He sent out a green tendril of tongue that looked like a slimy, dying vine, its multitude of pulsating branches caressing the spaces between those needle teeth before retreating back into the dark, rotten muck inside. “But what do you have ta offer for such as that? Travels such as these aren’t undertaken lightly or without great expense.” It teased out the last words as though it savored the taste of them, and I felt my heart thudding faster as I realized I was no closer to knowing what I should offer.

Sucking in a breath, I tried to feel my way forward. “I don’t know much about you, but I think I’m right that you don’t care anything about money or mundane wealth. Maybe even offering such as that would be an insult.”

The Incarnata’s eyes flashed with an inner light that made my chest tighten with fear. “You would be correct. On both counts.”

I could feel myself on the edge. If I didn’t give a satisfactory response now, I thought the dealing might be over, and it seemed unlikely that would go well for me. My mind raced back over what I had learned from Abraham about Incarnata and what the creature had said and done. Maybe somewhere in there…

“My family.” I blurted out. “My parents. They’re both dead now, and the memory of them is all I have left. I loved them very much.” I felt tears springing to my eyes, the enormity of what I was about to offer settling on my heart like a weighted shroud. “I offer my memories of my mother and father to you in exchange for safe passage to where my uncle Teddy is located, as well as safe passage back to this world fifteen minutes later for both of us.”

The creature raised a single finger that seemed comprised of a candy bar wrapper intertwined with black clay and crawling beetles. “If you are touching him when I return you to this world.”

I nodded. “Yes. If I am touching him when you go to return us to this world.”

Giving me a gruesome, silvery smile, he took a step forward. “The deal is struck.” Without warning, his hand shot forward and gripped my head, the feeling of cold, squirming earth against my forehead pushing an involuntary gasp from my mouth a moment before my jaws clenched tight. I felt him in my head, pillaging quickly but roughly as he looked for the memories of my parents. Within a few seconds, I felt a terrible coolness seeping through my brain as something precious was taken from me. I was crying freely now, because while I knew I’d had parents and remembered my deal with the Incarnata a moment before, I couldn’t call up any specific memory of either of my parents any more. They were just gone.

The Incarnata released my head and I stepped back, cradling my face in my hands. I was sobbing quietly enough that I could still hear a soft popping sound to my left as something in the park changed. Looking up, I saw there was now a small wooden door standing freely a few feet away. I glanced back at the creature and it nodded.

“Fairly paid. Now go. You have fifteen minutes.”


My negotiations with the Blind Court had broken down fairly quickly. They were unable to do more than contain me and offer mild irritations because of the tumerin under my skin, and I was going to give Cora a bit more time before I went to Plan B. So what I was left with was temporary exile to a bare white room that was completely empty except for an uncomfortable recliner that squeaked shrilly at every movement.

The great Blind Court had decided they would force my compliance through boredom.

It wasn’t a terrible plan. Their thought was that being trapped here with them, I’d eventually give in and work with them when I saw the alternative was an eternity of mind-numbing blahness. I would like to say I could just last forever in some zen-like state of internal peace, but fuck that. And besides, my DVR only holds so much. Papa needs to get home.

Still, I tried to be patient. Cora would likely come through, and Plan B wasn’t a good option unless there was no other option. So I just had to get my mind on something…

“Teddy!”

I turned around in the chair as it let out a terrible squeal. Cora was in the room with me, looking a strange combination of ecstatic, sad, and terrified. She also had a gross glob of mud or dog shit or something on her head. I bore it in mind as I jumped up and went to give her a hug, carefully avoiding the earthworm that was delicately exploring her bangs.

“Who has the best niece? I do!” Pulling back, I looked at her more seriously. “Are you okay? Did you have any problems getting here?”

She let out a tired laugh as she picked the worm from her hair and flung it toward the chair. “You could say that. But I made it. And we’re getting pulled back out in less than fifteen minutes, so we have to be in physical contact when that happens.”

I frowned at her. “Fifteen minutes? From when?”

“About thirty seconds ago, I think. The Incarnata didn’t have a stopwatch or anything.”

I felt my skin go cold. “Incarnata? So you wound up having to deal with one? Abraham didn’t have another way?”

She shook her head. “If he did, he didn’t tell me before Milly’s brother, Peter, showed up and killed him.”

I frowned and wanted to ask more questions about that, but it would have to wait. “Did it say if it was fifteen minutes on the terrestrial plane or here?”

A new look of worry spread across her face. “Oh God. I don’t know. It all happened fast and I forgot to ask. Is time a lot different here?”

I raised an eyebrow. “I don’t know. How long have I been gone?”

“Um, about six weeks.”

Rubbing my chin, I nodded thoughtfully. “It’s as I feared then. Time is much slower here, as I have been here for twenty-five years by my best estimate.”

Cora's eyes widened as she took a step back. “So we might be here for weeks or months?”

Grinning at her, I shook my head. “Nah, just fucking with you. I think time is the same now. Used to be different maybe, but my devil coins have been messing with their mojo a bit.” I ducked out of the way as she swung at me, but I was too slow. Pain exploded in my ear as I backed away. “Shit! Sorry! Sorry! Truce!” Holding up my hands, I looked up and saw her smiling at me.

“I’m glad I found you, asshole.”

I gave her another quick hug, blinking quickly until my vision wasn’t so watery. “Me too, Cora. It means more to me than you know.” Pulling away again, I frowned at her. “And I want to talk more about your dealings with that Incarnata. But for now, there’s no time. Did you bring the tumerin from the piggy bank?”

She slung the backpack off into my arms and I grunted at the weight. “Good job. This should work.”

Cora raised an eyebrow. “What are they for exactly? I mean how do they help us here? Just destabilize the place? We’re going to be leaving soon anyway.”

I grabbed the backpack by the shoulder straps and swung it like an oversized mace at the closest blank wall. The bag tore the wall apart like tissue paper. Pointing at the hole, I explained. “This many tumerin can do a lot more than just keep them from directly fucking with us or make their blood tesseract rumbly in its tumbly. We can shatter constructs like this wall, for instance.” Glancing out, I saw the hole opened out onto a dark hallway. Beckoning for her to follow, I went on. “It also expands the range that their magic won’t work on us, making it difficult for them to trick us or keep us lost or trapped.”

We were walking down the hall now, and I stopped at a door marked “Boiler Room”. I pointed at the sign. “Now I would lay money that either one of these dweebs is a Freddy Kruger fan or…wait, they didn’t even have boiler rooms when these fossils were making this place. Freddy fan it is.” I paused, the corners of my mouth drooping a little. “See? That makes me a bit sad. I feel like with more time, we could have found understanding by bonding over our mutual love of Robert Englund’s body of work.” I sighed. “But such is life. Now let’s go free the demons so they can murder these douchebags.”


The scary boiler room is a common horror movie trope, and with good reason. It’s dark, confusing, and full of hot pipes and eerie noises. Just kind of naturally unsettling. But you know what is more unsettling? A giant stone basement filled with chained up demons.

I had only seen true demons once before, and that was in Hell when I was running from the Hunter. I had been terrified then too, but the sad sack demons (horrifying as they were) that I saw there were really just another line item on my fear to-do-list at the time. Now though, they had my full attention.

There were small demons, large demons. Some looked human or at least humanish, while others looked like a snake and a spider had a baby with taffy. And not normal taffy either, but very evil taffy. I had expected them to talk to us, or scream threats, or maybe howl like a monster. Instead, they all sat silently staring at us as we entered, each one of them bound by silver chains and secured to devices that bled them endlessly, sending channels of black blood away into small holes in the basement walls. Suppressing a shiver, I leaned toward Teddy.

“I think I know what you’re planning, but are you sure it’s a good idea?”

He turned and looked at me with a smile, but his eyes were hard. “A good idea? That’s debatable. But they fucked with us. People don’t get to fuck with us and live.” He tipped me a wink. “Got to keep up our rep and all.” He turned back to the demon horde chained up before us. The closest one looked kind of like a giant beagle except more…runny. “And besides, these guys aren’t dumb. They know who put them here, and they know they have to work fast once they’re free to get the Blind Court before they skitter away. Right guys?”

In creepy unison, they all gave a single curt nod.

“Cool beans.” With that, he unzipped the backpack and started tossing out tumerin like chicken feed as we walked down the center of the long, dark room. I was very aware of keeping my hand on his shoulder just in case we got pulled back early, but I couldn’t help but watch as the demons began scrabbling for the coins they could reach. With each one they touched, you could almost see them regaining their strength, and by the time we reached the far end of the room, I was already hearing the first of the chains snap.

I put my back to the far wall, half-expecting that the demons were going to turn on us instead of heading for the exit. But for the most part, they didn't even spare us a backward glance. The one exception was a smaller demon that looked like a badly burned child. It took a tentative step towards us, but then stopped. Eyes widening, it spun around and ran after the rest.

I looked at Teddy. “What was that about?”

He shrugged. “Demons are notorious for being…”

There was a disorienting rush of images and suddenly we were back in our world.

“…weird fuckers.” Teddy finished. Glancing around, he gave a frown. “Where are we?”

I was taking in our surroundings as well, and while I wasn’t sure, I thought I recognized the truck stop down the street. “I think we're in a town called Brimley.”

Teddy was about to ask something else when we saw a man chasing a woman down the street. They were both moving very fast, but he was clearly faster, and as we watched, he slammed into her back and sent her skidding twenty feet across the asphalt before she came to a bloody halt.

“Why are you doing thif, Evening tar? We wanted you to lead uf all to the new glory! But you're no different than him! You're just another forry excuse of a Debbil….” The words came out loose and half-formed from her bloody lips, ending in a wet, barely articulated whine as the man stomped on her head hard enough to sent a thick, red spray across the street in our direction. That's when he looked up and saw us.

“More? How many demons are there in this town?” The man was already stalking towards us when I heard Teddy let out a groan.

“Fuck. Fucking Brimley.” I glanced his way, but he was already stepping forward, putting himself between me and the man. “Look, we're not demons and we have no…”

The man was suddenly a blur, moving past Teddy and then to me. I felt a flash of pain followed by rocky ground biting into my bare skin. Because I was naked.

I looked around, suppressing a shiver as the icy air of my new surroundings soaked into me. I was in the middle of freezing darkness punctuated by the stark forests of the new Hell.

“Oh no.” 

---

Credits

 

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