I love walking out to fetch my morning newspaper, by golly, and will do so through all the years Heaven has left to me.
It’s a way to check on the neighborhood. To smell the grass. And if I’m being honest, the morning walk to my front lawn is always the first place to test a new sweater vest. Is it a hit? Did I go to far with the yellow argyle this time? Now I’m laughing because I’m remembering a pink and blue argyle sweater vest I wore many years ago. The neighborhood got an eyeful that day! Oh my!
But as I walked out to the front yard this morning, it was only that sweet Missy from across the street who was enjoying the sunshine. She had a baby in each arm, bless her soul! I’ve always been told that twins are when Heaven hugs and kisses you at the same time. The children were just the cutest things, sucking on matching green pacifiers! I trotted straight across the street (I’m still not too old to do that much on my own, mind you) and snatched the paper from the ground so that she didn’t have to juggle the kids. Poor dear! Her husband works long hours to provide for his family. You don’t see that in America as much as you used to.
I’m sorry, that was judgmental. If Maud were still alive, I’d be given such a scolding.
Anyway, I walked back over to my house and decided that the morning had been active enough to forgo coffee. I settled on a nice, cold glass of lemonade and iced tea. My, that Arnold Palmer had some good ideas.
Would you know that I read the paper for just three minutes and put it away? Shocking behavior, all of it. When did politics get so inappropriate? First news leaves the papers for the world wide web, and then it leaves decency behind altogether. Despicable people!
I’m sorry, Maud.
Anyway, I decided to settle things down with a Reader’s Digest. Now there’s a periodical I can wrap my mind around! Two hours just flew by, and I got up to take a late morning constitutional before lunch. Today is tomato soup day, and boy, am I excited! Usually I pair it with grilled cheese, but I read (in Reader’s Digest, ha ha) about putting some hot sauce in it. Can you believe it? Hot sauce!
I strolled up to my front door as I finished (1,913 steps on my step counter!) at exactly 12:00 p. m., my mouth watering, when the black Mercedes parked in front of my house. The back window rolled down.
The Representative peeked out at me, raised his index finger to the sky, and nodded.
I flashed my finger to the sky and nodded right back.
The car sped off. I took a deep breath, then crossed the street to Missy’s house.
The pot bubbled furiously on the stove, but I could hardly hear it over Missy’s muffled sobs.
The gag was too loose, bless my soul. I did the best I could, but these gnarled hands aren’t what they used to be!
The vomit had pressed hard up against the gag and formed an unholy froth of saliva, puke, and thick, mucusy drool. It was seeping from the corners of her mouth in a steady pour. The pungent concoction had absolutely coated her neck and drenched her blouse. What remained of her mascara was spread thickly across her cheeks, leaving her face with the appearance that those misbehaved little teenage cretins intentionally apply to look “goth”!
I’m sorry for the outburst, Maud.
Anyway, Missy looked like she was about to choke on her vomit slurry. “You know the rules,” I explained calmly as I withdrew the soaking-wet gag from her mouth.
I could barely distinguish her nods from the trembling. The poor waif was shaking like a leaf!
“No noise,” I whispered. “You know what will happen.”
She convulsed, but bless her soul, she stayed quiet. After a moment, she regained her composure and turned slowly to the cradles on the kitchen table.
Her eyes were transfixed on the sleeping baby in the nearest cradle. She could not seem to bring herself to turn toward the empty one.
I don’t blame her. The streak of blood was just nasty.
“Now,” I said, maintaining a balance of calm certainty and authoritative control, “are you going to comply?”
Her eyes seemed to glaze over, and I was certain that I had just witnessed part of a soul dying.
But she nodded.
And I nodded back.
I turned to the bubbling pot on the stove and gave it a swirl with a wooden spoon.
Oh, my.
It seems that a green pacifier had been boiled right in with the meat!
I flicked it aside with the spoon and scooped a big, fleshy serving out of the pot.
“Now,” I announced, smiling, “open wide, Missy!”
She hesitated for just a moment, and I gave her a tsk-tsk-tsk. Then I turned and looked at the remaining baby.
“Do I have to make a second serving?”
Her breath hitched so slightly, but the action said so much.
“That’s what I thought.” I brought the spoon to her mouth. “Here comes the airplane!” I announced in a singsong voice that Maud would have loved.
Missy opened her mouth, and I shoved the hot spoon inside. I pulled it out, and I could see the wad of meat protruding in her cheek. Her tears were pouring freely once again.
I lifted an index finger to the ceiling. “There is a Better Way, Missy.” I nodded, then continued in a whisper. “The Time is Nigh.”
“Now chew.”
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Credits: BD
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