Let me tell you the story of Amy, the girl I love. We first met last week at a Starbucks. She looked so hot in that denim miniskirt and crop-top outfit. And her buttocks just screamed “SQUEEZE ME!” I don’t know how this worked out, as I’m not the best with the ladies. However, the second she talked to me, I knew she wanted me.
With the softest sexiest voice ever she said, “Hello, I’d like a latte, decaf please!” And that is when I was sure she was the one. Hell, I was already taking her out for coffee. Our evening went great; she laughed with her friends and I watched her laugh with her friends. She even thanked me for the coffee. I was in heaven. I finally had a girlfriend.
She wanted to leave early, and said something about having to wake up early the next day. She stood up and left with her friends right away. She didn’t say goodbye. I instantly thought, “Did I do something wrong? What could I possibly have done to upset her?” So, I followed her to the parking lot just to clear things up. She didn’t even notice me. She was busy saying goodbye to those friends of hers. I was afraid they might get in the way of our new-found love. I had to fix that. I had to do something; you see, I love her and can’t let her go.
The first thought that came to mind was to talk to her friends, and make them like me. Obviously, that wasn’t the best way. But, my hasty, irrational, in-love self got to me; so I climbed into their still-parked jeep, they were carpooling. I could see the hate in their eyes as they shouted at me to leave. I sure as hell did not appreciate that. I had to fix it. Speaking to the first one was fairly easy, no struggle. The second one ran away though; talk about someone who can’t make a conversation. I hope she doesn’t tell Amy. I think I’ll visit her before she gets the news. She gave me her address as she signed up for the Starbucks card, how nice of her. Anyway, I started the car, and headed over to Amy’s. Oh how I missed her.
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I liked the Jeep, but hated the music the girls had in the stereo. Anyway, in no time I was right behind Amy on the road. As she suddenly sped up, I realized she was still trying to avoid me. I don’t think I’ll ever understand women. Then, her brake lights went on, she slowed down, parked in her driveway, and dashed to her house. Quickly, I parked right behind her and sat there contemplating. I was to meet her parents for the first time, and had to make a good impression. Oh how I wished her dead friend hadn’t been in my passenger seat; she got it all blood stained.
Back to the main story, I really needed to know what had gone wrong. So I stepped down from the jeep and went ahead and knocked on her door. I heard yelling and screaming, then the door open. It was her dad. He looked upset; I really didn’t understand why. She must have told him something. But what? Standing there silent, the both of us were joined by her mother. She’s sexy. They looked upset; I thought they didn’t like me. I needed to fix that.
Oh god you should have seen the look on their faces when I pulled out my pistol. It’s a small one, always hidden in my boxers. One shot, two shots, three shots, they were all peaceful now. No one was mad anymore. Amy was still screaming though, which stopped after a bit. She was peaceful too now, I think she came back to her senses. In quite a struggle, I took got her in the Jeep in the passenger’s seat and through her friend in the driveway.
And that was the start of our love. Amy and I now live in peace at my place. I absolutely adore her; I don’t even mind that she had started to smell bad. I shower her every day and do her hair. She’s so pretty. I love her, and July, Elliot, Susan, and John. The apartment is just big enough for all of us. However, I think there can be room for one more. Maybe I’ll meet someone at my next shift at the Starbucks, who knows.
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Credits to: shreddex
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