The Agent from MIPA

[A transcript of the first recorded interview with Subject H270, a victim of the recent "Interplanar Distress Phenomenon" that has taken approximately one hundred reported humans as of this date. Their numbers grow exponentially.]

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MINISTRY FOR THE INVESTIGATION OF PARANORMAL ACTIVITY WASHINGTON, D.C 17. October, 2005 To: Officer Kathe Waldheim From: Agent Olaf Kaspar-Gottfried, Unknown Beings Examinations Department

MIPA FILE NO. 33-4215 LAB NO. 92475683-K

NOTES: Subject H270 has been put under sedation and injected with truth serum to ensure accuracy of the report and my own safety. Interview takes place one night after his rescue. Subject remains shaky when regarding my person, yet is otherwise confident reporting the incident.

BEGIN TAPE

Part I
Kaspar-Gottfried: Recount for us the events that led up to your capture.

H270: Home… I want to go home…

Kaspar-Gottfried: You will be returned to your residence after the investigation, provided you cooperate with us.

H270: No, no. Not my home. The home.

(Sounds of a struggle. H270 shrieks, then whimpers softly.)

Kaspar-Gottfried: Now, please recount the events that led up to your capture.

H270: It started with the noises. You’ve heard them, haven’t you? The noises? They come out at night. Little clicks, whirs, taps, vibrating sounds, that sort of thing? Completely unexplainable noises that sound normal at first. But they only come out at night.

Kaspar-Gottfried: So these “noises”… they captured you?

H270: No. Not at all.

Kaspar-Gottfried: Explain.

H270: The noises grew louder and louder every night. I could never sleep. After a week of insomnia, I decided it was useless. I thought they were trying to dominate me and take control of my mind. I would not be a slave to them. So I embraced insomnia, used the night to truly listen to them. That’s when I realized… their voices had a pattern. A language. Time kept passing by, and I was determined to learn their language. And so I did. They kept saying the same things over and over again to me. “It is not too late.” “Come here, come quickly.” And then there are the things they said to each other. “What is he doing?” “Is he asleep yet?” “It’s okay, it’s okay. He’s coming soon.” The waking birds would drown their conversations out when dawn broke. Then there would only be silence. And one night, I noticed they kept telling me, “Come down, and descend. Come down.” I thought they were speaking metaphorically, about some descent into Hell. But it wasn’t. One night, I felt compelled by some strange force. A spirit not my own, to leave my bed and descend. I resisted as much as I could. After all, if I were out of bed. It’d mean they’d stop speaking to me! But I left. And I went into the basement.

Kaspar-Gottfried: And how did you find–

H270: The mirror? I was just getting to that. There was this warm light, an amber glow coming from nowhere in particular. The light was pointed at the mirror. In fact, the mirror was the only thing visible by this light. I approached the mirror. There, I saw what was one of the strangest sights I’d ever seen in my life. The light was pointing directly at it, yet all the mirror showed… was darkness. Visible shadows, dancing around. These, these were the voices. But they were speaking too much, talking over each other for me to understand them. So I concentrated. I selected a voice, and concentrated on it.

(Another pause)

Kaspar-Gottfried: And then what happened?

H270: It all became clearer. The shadows took their true form. They were small, demented beings. Tragic imitations of the human form. Like deformed children. It almost hurt to look at them, with their crooked spines and contorted limbs flailing about in spasms. What little I could make out of their facial features… Dear god, they were pressed and squeezed in ways you couldn’t even imagine. Even with you as an agent, you couldn’t imagine. It looked like their faces were made of melted candle wax.

Kaspar-Gottfried: But what about the voice? Who was the voice?

H270: To this day, I still don’t know. As I sat there, trying to figure out just who it was, gazing upon these sick little shadow-children, waiting for an answer… I heard heavy breathing from behind me. The voice kept shrieking at me, over and over again, but I couldn’t understand what it was saying. I turned around. A flash of light came from nowhere! And I was blinded as it engulfed me…

Kaspar-Gottfried: The light?

H270: No. The beast. It came for me.

Kaspar-Gottfried: You’re saying it ate you, then.

H270: No. The beast. It came for me. It had a purpose for me. And those were the events that led to my capture.

Part II

Kaspar-Gottfried: Now, what happened while you were inside this beast?

H270: The first month was hell. While I was subjected to searing pain, pain from blinding light that should never be been on earth, I saw visions. Visions of my family, and everyone who ever loved me. I kept trying to scream at them, begging for them to rescue me, but they couldn’t hear! They could only hear me in their mind. And they never heard screams. They heard little noises, thumping and whirring in the night… And that’s when I stopped. It was torture enough to know their loss, their panic. I would never dream of subjecting them to the beast’s children, their twisted siren song luring them into that dreadful fate. The only way to stop the noises was to stop screaming. Yet the hellish light and visions continued.

(Pause.)

Kaspar-Gottfried: And the second month?

H270: That’s when I became wiser. I knew better then.

Kaspar-Gottfried: Explain.

H270: Some time after I stopped screaming, the noises started again. These were determined little shadow-children, I decided. As the visions kept flashing before my eyes, I came to realize… I should just stop caring. I learned the children’s games, so it was time to learn the beast’s. I forced myself to become indifferent to family and friends, and eventually, the entire earth. Never before had I known how petty the physical earth was. A bunch of shivering little souls crawling across a lump of rocks and water, never concerned with anything but the other little souls they come across. And you know why? Because every one of those souls is just like the other. And they’re so obsessed with themselves, that they have to simultaneously love and hate every other soul they find. And when I became disgusted with them, the beast became proud of me. For the very first time, I could see exactly where I was. The light stopped, and I could move freely again. I was in a spherical realm, consisting of plasma that was both dark and light at once. And then, I felt no pain. I was approached by a spirit, much like a shadow-child, but at the same time, the opposite of one. I would say it was healthy, but this being transcended the concept of health itself. Physicality simply did not matter to it, just like it stopped mattering to me. Then all it did was place its ghostly hand on my shoulder and say, “Acolyte.” But that’s when your men smashed the mirror! And there I was, in human form, lying on my basement floor like some imbecile again! It was utterly humiliating!

Kaspar-Gottfried: I’m sorry, but such was my assignment.

H270: Don’t give me excuses, human! Flesh-lover!

(Sounds of a struggle, then a cry of pain from H270.)

Kaspar-Gottfried: I am not here to fight you, nor do I have to explain myself! Just tell me what happened, or I’ll hurt you again!

H270: I’ll be good, I promise. Just don’t hurt me that way any more.

Kaspar-Gottfried: Continue, then.

H270: I don’t know what to say.

Part III

Kaspar-Gottfried: Tell me about any thoughts, dreams you’ve had since the rescue.

H270: I’d hardly call it a rescue with the nightmares I’ve had. More blinding light, more searing pain, and you know the worst part?

Kaspar-Gottfried: What?

H270: I could not defeat it. I thought I knew it all, I thought I had the realms and spirits figured out. And of course I knew their games. But this certainly was no game. They needed me. And I needed them. My purpose, their destiny.

Kaspar-Gottfried: I’m afraid I do not understand.

H270: Of course you don’t. You’re just another soul. But at least now I know what that one shadow-child was trying to tell me in front of the mirror.

Kaspar-Gottfried: And what was that?

H270: “DO NOT LOOK BEHIND YOU.”

(Silence. Olaf clears his throat.)

Kaspar-Gottfried: I think we’re done here. Thank you.

(A thud.)

END TAPE

—

[Upon receiving this message, Officer Kathe Waldheim decided to speak to H270 herself, but neglected to sedate him in her haste. She thought she had calmed him when she promised to return him home to conduct the interview there, as noted in a MIPA file. The only thing that could be heard on that interview's recording were wild shrieks, tearing flesh, and piercing laughter. Inspectors of the scene found that nothing was left of Waldheim's body but a torso, limbs and head ripped straight off and nowhere in sight. On the torso, carved in rough letters, were the words "NOT HOME."

H270 remains missing to this day, and more people are beginning to fall victim to Interplanar Distress. Another MIPA file states this, "No matter what it takes, we will continue to work on rescuing these victims. Despite Waldheim's mistake, despite H270 being on the loose, despite any risk we could be taking, we must work out the cause of this phenomenon. We will keep sending agents after this beast no matter how many lives are lost in the process. We may even need to feed victims to it, just to see if they can find its weakness." Agent Olaf Kaspar-Gottfried was promoted, and placed at the head of this operation. He claims he's not insane. He says he just needs to find his home.]

Credited to Lindsay S. (HackerOnHacker)