Voices

For around a couple years now, I’ve heard voices. They’re usually more active at night, and they sound like someone’s watching TV in a room right next to me.

Usually I hear them the way I hear my thoughts and so I know no one else can hear them. They’ll say they want to kill me, and be extremely graphic about it, and they’ll put images of my corpse into my head so I look at pictures of little animals to cheer myself up.

I’ve always been interested in psychology and how minds work since serious mental problems run in my family. Around 9 months ago, I became fascinated with what made people killers, why they wanted to kill, how they chose their victims, and what their victim’s corpses looked like. The pictures of corpses actually calmed me down.

I started watching more and more crime shows and pausing the television when they’d show the corpse in the crime scene to make sure I could remember it. The different stages of decomposition and how different methods changed the bodies and how many things were used as weapons absolutely fascinated me.

I stopped being as absorbed in serial killers, spree killers, and school shooters after 3 months, but I still pictured gore.

I always separated myself from the people who actually acted on their thoughts since they started with animals but I’d never hurt one aside from self defense so I figured I’d never completely snap and hurt people.

The last 4 months I kept hearing “there’s too many” with no context so I brushed it off. Last night I heard “There’s too many dogs. Kill them”.  I don’t know what to do to make the thoughts stop. I’m so scared.

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This was based on a personal experience of a user who requested to remain anonymous. Due to the content and nature of this story, they wanted to emphasize that this is a slightly fictionalize version of past experiences, and they are not a threat to themself or anyone else.