I have not slept since we left. I am already starting to feel the effects of having no sleep. I hope this message gets to you in time. You may hate me when you've finished reading. Or maybe you'll be grateful. Either way at least you'll know and that's all that matters now. Lux didn't agree… He said it would be better for everyone if they didn't know. There would be no feelings of impending doom. No fear, No tears or heart wrenching goodbyes. Everyone would just go on like it was any other day. But that seems so unfair…..
Why do I deserve to live, when so many others won't? All my friends and family. My teachers. Even Roc. I've had him for as long as I can remember, yet we can't take him. Lux said he wouldn't likely live through the journey, shock of it all I suppose. But Roc. He's the best pet anyone can ask for, and I have to just leave him for death.
It was so hard. Saying goodbye to everyone without really saying goodbye… They couldn't know you see? I had to pretend all was normal. My parents… that was the worst. And you, of course. You have to know that I begged for you to be allowed to go. I begged. As I did for my parents and baby sister. But Lux said it was impossible. That just getting me on board would be difficult. He's had to sneak supplies on board for us, without raising any suspicion. So far he says we're alright. No one has asked any questions. They trust him.
At first I refused. I had gone four days after Lux told me that the world was ending, and he would take only me when he left it. I refused and spent four days getting used to the fact that I would die with everyone else. I was almost becoming okay….
But Lux called me on the fifth day. He agreed to allow my sister to come. He agreed because Ris is only just an infant. She won't take up much space. You see why I had to go now, don't you? When it was only my life, I could stay. But now that there is a way for Ris to live… The choice is no longer mine. I said yes. Lux was pleased. I understand this. He has loved me for a while now in secret, but it's always been obvious to me. He doesn't want to be alone on our new home. I dread even saying the name….
He doesn't want to make the journey alone either. It will take us 93 days to reach it. There are others going of course. The higher ups. But according to Lux, there's not many. And only a handful even know about what's happening. There's not enough ships. Lux was lucky. He helped build these ships, and tested every one. He's an expert. He was ordered to fly alone to be able to carry equipment. But Lux assured me that even with the equipment, there's room for Ris and I.
I'm worried about Ris. Scared she won't make it through the pressure of take off. But Lux has promised that this isn't a ship that I've seen before. It's unlike any that's been shown to the public. It's faster, and much smoother. He basically laughed at me when I mentioned my fears of take off. “We are far more advanced than you realise, Sara.” He said in between laughs.
He was right. Take off was definitely easier than I thought. And the ship… Asa, if you could have seen it! It was unlike anything I've ever seen, even in my mind. But that isn't important… I wanted to tell you about the night I left. Our last meeting. I wanted so desperately to say goodbye, to tell you I loved you, that I always would. But I couldn't trust myself to say anything real…. If I started I would have told you it all. And I couldn't leave you that way. I couldn't look into your eyes and tell you your life would be ending, and that I was leaving you alone for it.
When you took me to our spot, and we sat under our tree and you put your head in my lap while you gazed at the sky….. I nearly broke right then. But I had to be strong for Ris! If she was not mine to protect, I would have stayed with you. I'd have stayed in your arms under the our Tree and watched as everything turned to fire around us. But she is my sister. I cannot leave her to take this journey without me.
Asa. I love you. I know you will understand my decision, and know that a part of me will always be with you.
We almost didn't make it. Lux had to sneak us on before anyone saw us, but Ris woke up just as we boarded the ship. My heart was in my throat! They would have killed us both if they found us, and likely Lux too. But thankfully there was just one ward on duty, and he was just as oblivious to our presence as he was with his own impending demise. Lux hid us in a very cramped place, where odd looking machines were stored. Thankfully Ris didn't cry out again. She was content with my humming quietly in her ear, and the blinking of the machine's lights.
Lux retrieved us after what felt like a hours. He was given the go ahead. And it had to be exact. We strapped ourselves in, Ris in a special seat Lux had acquired. I was terrified. Our ship was scheduled last to take off. Each ship had to take off within just moments of one another. I suppose for safety. Only a handful of people knew about this, and mostly everyone of them were going. There would be questions when 39 ships took off. We couldn't give them time to come and ask them, Lux told me. When the ship shot off into the sky my breath was momentarily taken. This was temporary, thankfully. I looked back at Ris but her cries were drowned out by the engines, though I could see her eyes squeezed shut tight, and her mouth open in a silent scream.
It wasn't long before we were up, away from everything, bathed in darkness. Lux was concentrated on his controls, his eyes constantly moving from one button or panel to another. I asked him if I could check on Ris, but I don't think he heard me despite the engines returning to near silence. I risked it, unbuckled my seat belt, and kissed Ris. She was still crying, but not badly. I gave her a little toy that played music and she was calm again. Lux finally was able to take a break, and we ate and fed Ris too. After, we had to buckle up for hyper speed.
“You'll get accustomed to it, but at first it's safer to be buckled in” he said. It took quite a while for my legs to be able to move while the ship was going so fast. The stars were no more than a blur passed the windows.
It's been 3 days since we left. I was worried about sending this. For you may never get it. Lux said the connection is not strong, and the signal may misfire. If it does, who knows where it will go. Lux said there's a high chance in this message getting muddled. This scared me at first, but he told me my message would most likely be taken as a joke, or fictional story by whoever found it, so we are okay there. But I am hoping it gets to you before…
I thought about not sending it. I didn't want to give you the knowledge of what was to come. But from what Lux says, it will all happen in the blink of an eye. I pray he's right. Your - Our planet is set to explode in two days. I had to say goodbye. I had to tell you I love you. I couldn't let you believe I would ever leave you, unless it was for Ris. Lux let me see photos of our new home. I stared at it for a long time. I showed Ris as well.
She smiled when I showed her. I smiled too, for the first time since I left you. It's not as beautiful as ours, but I guess I'm biased.. Still, it looks calm. Unlike our world. Lux said there has been much research on this planet. It's hearty, has lasted a long time. I'm worried about the ones who live here… Aliens used to be just made up stories. Soon we will be among them. Lux showed me pictures of them today. He didn't want to show me before we left. He was worried I would be afraid and change my mind.
He put the book of pictures collected over a long span, research done in secret. I gasped when I looked at them! The first was a female, going by the description underneath her picture. She was dressed in a garment that flowed at her waist, but was tight everywhere else. She looked sleepy, side effect of the medicine she was given Lux said. I flipped through the book, gazing at every picture. I was scared until I got to a picture of a baby just a bit older than Ris! It was a male, and like the others in the book, he was ugly, but also...cute. He was sitting in a cage, and looking toward the camera with a curious look on its face.
I let Ris see the pictures. I had to get her used to seeing these... beings. We couldn't show our fear. We would have to choose one of the beings from the book. Whichever one we chose, that would be the body we would be. I asked what would happen to the beings we chose…. But Lux didn't answer, and I guess that's for the best.
Lux chose a male of course, tall and thick with odd markings on its arms and chest. I chose a female. The only one that I could look at without feeling sick. She's not as hard to look at as the others. Though she was drugged during the picture, she still had a sort of smile on her face, though my main reason for choosing her was the fact that she had a child. A young female a little older than Ris. I needed for us to be together. Lux made sure to choose a male that was close in distance to me. We would be just a walk away from each other he said.
I suppose that's good. I'll need his help blending in. We will look like everyone else, and acquire their basic memories and knowledge of the world, but I would need to learn a lot of my new home. I hope we can keep Ris safe. Lux said that there aren't many that believe in life outside of their planet, so there shouldn't be any suspicion. I hope he's right.
I look at the photo of the planet often. It's smaller than I expected. I have to go now Asa. I hope this finds you. I will think of you always and speak of you to Ris, and those we left behind. Our new home awaits. Lux has told me it's name. “Earth”.
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