It's been one year since my family was murdered. God, it feels as if they were just here yesterday. It's bizarre how fast your life can change.
My sister.... that's what this is all about. I've been asked to tell my story quite a few times, even offered hefty sums from popular News Networks, and Newspapers. I refused. It's not like I need the money. My parents left me the house, and a large amount of money in the bank, as well as some stocks.
I never planned to say anything about my family's murders, wanting to just let it go. Try to, anyway. But, (and as cliche as it sounds) my therapist suggested talking about it. Getting it out there, instead of keeping it all buried inside of me.
It's because of the nightmares, really. That's what's making it so impossible to come to terms with this whole thing. And due to my destroyed memory, I never know if a nightmare is just that, or a memory. For the most part the dreams are rarely identical. But there is one that is always the same, happening every week at least. Much more vivid than the other dreams. And while the others are more terrifying, this one scares me for a very different reason.
Most of the nightmares are different from one another, but of course the end result is always the same, just happens differently.
I tried the journal thing, but it just felt fake writing to myself. I want to get it off of my chest, I do. But I don't want to go to the media either. I don't need that kind of attention. I figured Nosleep gets a lot of traffic, while also leaving me the anonymity I need. So, here is the "scoop" that many News Networks, and columnists tried for months to get. Technically they're still calling. I suppose they all want to know what could make a sweet, normal teenage girl do what she did. We always need answers.
There's even a writer who is desperate for an interview. She offered more than the networks, and newspapers combined. She writes true crime novels, but thinks she's a detective, and is damn persistent.
You guys get to hear it all for free though. Here goes….. God, where do I even start? My brain isn't what it used to be, not after that night. The damage Aria caused was servere, but through a lot of surgeries, and rehab, I've come to be able to resume normal activities. Most of my memory of that night however was erased. I couldn't even recall many of the hours leading up to the "events". But luckily for me, I recently found Aria's diary, and while it won't give me my memory back, it may help answer some questions. The most obvious, and important - why?
My sister, my little sister, Aria was 14 when she died. The local paper referred to her as a "mentally unstable suburban teen" and they used a picture from her last lacrosse game. You may recall seeing it. Her gray and pink uniform, the words Wolverines across the front, a slight sheen to her cheeks from hours of intense play against their rivals - The Honey Badgers.
They won. Aria had been named player of the year, and had her picture plastered across the sports section of our local paper. She had been so happy.
She was also a smart kid. By every definition she was a good kid too. But that all stopped soon after she was allowed to switch rooms. She used to have a tiny room on the second floor, but after a lot of begging on her part, Aria was allowed to move to the third floor. It was pretty much used as storage for my father's photography hobby, and was essentially just one large room that ran the length of the house. There was a small bathroom, just a toilet and sink. But Aria loved having such space. My father shoved his photography equipment into her old room, and all was right with the world.
The changes in Aria were subtle at first. Sleeping in and forgetting to set her alarm, so that mom had to drive her to school, making herself late for work as a result.
Wearing the same outfit two days in a row, either out of forgetting, or choice.
Not wanting to eat much. Wandering the house late at night. All small things, but looking back I see how they were the start of something else.
When she stopped leaving the house for anything except for school, that's when it became clear to my parents that something was wrong with my sister.
They tried talking to her, but she would sit quietly, only ever responding by a nod or shake of her head, ending the conversation with a less than believable "nothing's wrong."
I wanted to talk to her too. But we hadn't been too close since we were younger. We hardly spoke when I was in high school. I was out with my friends and she with hers. Our lives were just different. When I came back from college (I left early to take a year off to explore what I'd truly wanted to do ) she had pretty much grown up. All my friends were gone, at different schools all over the country, and Aria was really busy with high school, and the team. We had just grown too far apart..
When she began skipping school, and quit the lacrosse team, my parents grew really concerned.
They started to suspect she was somehow using drugs, despite her hardly ever leaving the house.
I'll admit, I didn't believe she was using drugs, although I can see how my parents thought as much. Aria was growing visibly thinner over the months, and even though she spent most of her time in her room, she had dark bags under her eyes. Whatever she was doing in her room, it wasn't sleeping.
One night I woke up to use the bathroom , and caught my sister standing in the hall just outside my parents bedroom door, pacing and muttering. She was holding something in her hands, tightly against her chest.
It was dark, but I could see a glint of light coming off the object. She turned her head and saw me, and her eyes grew wide. I was about to ask her what she was doing, but she ran up the stairs to her room. I told my mother the next morning, and I could tell she was worried.
The day they died I came home in the midst of a huge argument between my mother and Aria. She was screaming at my mother, her face red, and streaked with tears. She had screamed "You never listen to me!"
My mother looked stunned, even afraid, but held her ground. She told my sister that she was going to see a professional, and get the help she so clearly needed. I was shocked, but glad that my mother wouldn't be swayed. Aria was clearly lying that something wasn't wrong with her. How could she expect our parents to ignore that?
I stood watching the situation unfold when Aria suddenly looked at me, and grinned. I stared after her in shock as she ran to her room. I heard my father and mother talking that night, they planned to send my sister to a hospital in the coming days.
I tried to listen at her door a few times in the days before Aria would be sent away, and I even tried peeking underneath it once or twice. But all I ever heard was silence, and all I ever saw was darkness.
But that night……,when I was pressing my ear to her door, on my way back to my own room, without any warning the door was pulled open with such force I nearly fell inside. Aria stood in the doorway, her jaw tight, and her blue eyes surrounded by dark circles. Her eyes glared at me with such hatred them, that for a moment I was stuck in place, afraid to move. She had one hand on the door, gripping it so hard I could hear the wood flexing under her grasp.
After staring at one another for a long, terrifying moment, I found my voice, and whispered her name.
"Aria." She only glared back, gritting her teeth, it almost looked as if she would growl.
"What are you doing.?" She hissed, and before I could respond, the door was slammed in my face. I went to bed that night, in a mix of fear and confusion. What had happened to my sister? She had looked at me with such contempt. I lay awake thinking all night on this.
This is where my memory stops. It was as if I closed my eyes that night, and awoke in the hospital, my head throbbing and bandaged, surrounded by doctors. The look of sympathy on their faces when I asked for my parents, I'll never forget that.
I was told my parents were killed that night. They were both stabbed repeatedly while they slept. Murdered in their beds.
My mother had defensive wounds, a sign she must have woke during my fathers murder and tried to stop it.
My sister, I was told, had jumped from her bedroom window, after hastily scrawling a note - "I hate her. She had to die. No one would understand. So I'm doing it myself" the note had her dried bloody fingerprints smeared around it.
A neighbor heard her screams as she flung herself from the third story window, to the pavement below. The neighbor, Mr. Kyle, ran to my sister, but she was nearly gone, only gurgling a few responses to his coaxing her to hang on. He didn't yet know that inside the house my parents lay cut to pieces in their beds, while I clung to life at the foot of the stairs. My head had been bashed in. Police suspect I was running for the door, to get help. My hands were severely cut up from a possible attempt to shield myself from the knife, though I was not stabbed like my parents.
I was questioned extensively, but I had very little answers for them. Supposedly during the days leading up to her death, my mother shared her concerns about Aria with my aunt, and with my aunt's testimony, the police shut the case as just another demented teen who killed her parents then herself...
I spent many months in the hospital, and weeks in rehab. The first day home was hard. I missed the funerals of my family, and despite my aunt and cousins cleaning the house of any evidence of that awful night, it still took everything in me not to run from the house. It felt tainted.
It's been three weeks since I've been home.
Yesterday I found the diary. I couldn't bring myself to read it. Not then. But today, I finally opened the book, getting lost in the pages of my sister's life. The diary went back six years. Aria wasn't an everyday writer. But it was updated often enough.
It went from a normal, happy girl with dreams of being a professional lacrosse player, and a large animal veterinarian, to a delusional child.
I read through pages of her first crush, her first big fight with her bff, and little worries all teens have. Nothing out of the ordinary.
Definitely nothing anyone here would want to read.
But I'll write her final entries.
Saturday -
Mommy and Daddy finally let me have the room upstairs!!!! I'm so excited I can hardly write. Dad's getting all his equipment out now, I can hear him as I write this. He's keeping his things in my old room. It'll be a little cramped, but he was totally fine with it. Surprisingly mom was the one I had to convince. She didn't think I needed all the space or privacy, but I explained that I am going to be 15 soon! And besides, I told her I could use the extra space to bring up the old piano in the basement, the one I never played, and practice! She was all smiles then. It's gonna suck….but a little piano everyday is worth it as long as it's in my new room!!
I can't wait until I can have my first sleepover in it. Chesly and Abby won't believe it! Gotta go. I want to help Dad move his junk so I can speed up the process. Leave him alone to do it and I won't have my room until next week!
PS. It's got a bathroom!!! No more sharing with Kate!
**
Sunday -
My first night in my new room. I nearly forgot to write tonight. It's almost 1 am. I'm tired, and achy from carrying my stuff up here. Dad helped with the big stuff like my bed and dressers. And mom insisted on handling the clothes (probably so she could personally fold and hang each item haha) Of course Kate didn't lift a finger. She sat on the sofa on her phone all day. Probably pretending to look for a job. I think she's mad I got the upstairs room. I know she asked for it a few times too. But she should be in a college dorm!
Tired, gotta get some sleep so I can paint tomorrow. Chesly and Abby are helping!
**
Tuesday -
I love my room. Did I mention that? Haha
The paint is almost dry. I chose a soft pink for three of the walls, with a lavender for the back wall. We painted the bathroom pink and lavender stripes, Abby's idea. But it looks great. Tomorrow mom's taking me to get some new things to decorate this place. Got practice in the afternoon, but then I'll have all night to decorate!!!
Dad argued with Kate again. I swear for a 19 year old she sure acts like a baby sometimes.
Dad was mad cuz she keeps sleeping most of the day, and plays on her phone all night.
Ugh, just another reason dad will never let me have my own phone…
Gotta go
**
Thursday -
Sorry it's been a few days since I wrote. My room is finished. Looks perfect! Abby is staying the night tonight, so that's awesome. I can use the company. Mom and dad cut Kates phone off, and she went nuts. She acts like she's mad at me too. What did I do?! She's such a brat. This wouldn't have happened if she hadn't dropped out of college. I told her so today and she looked like she wanted to hit me.
Gotta go. Abby's coming soon.
**
Saturday -
It's been awhile, sorry. I am kind of mad. Or scared. Idk. Could be nothing but I think Kate is planning to do something to mom and dad. She sneaked on mom's phone a few days ago, and I heard some of what she was saying. She said she wanted to leave but she couldn't. She didn't have the money yet. She said it would have to look like an accident and then started talking about cars and stuff. I stopped listening because I was afraid she'd hear me.
She wouldn't hurt them, right?
**
Monday -
Something's wrong with her. I know it. I stayed up all Thursday night listening to her on her phone. Dad gave it back after she promised to get a job within the month. (Yeah right)
Kate was on the phone for hours with someone. She was saying awful things about our parents. And how they have a lot of money. She said she was thinking of ways to "do it" and laughed. I think she is taking drugs. She sometimes goes out saying it's to look for work, but when she comes home she looks sleepy. I don't think mom and dad have noticed. Or they just think she's staying up too late. I do hear her at night when they are asleep. She laughs and talks about how she hopes she can cry when the time comes….
She wants to hurt them, I feel it. I was so tired from staying up, I didn't hear my alarm today. Mom had to take me to school, but we weren't too late.
**
Thursday -
I have been staying up late listening to Kate. She's acting so different around mom and dad now. Like she's all nice and helps clean up. She never uses her phone during the day though. Dad said he was proud of her "change"
Mom seems happy too. I didn't tell them yet. I wanted to get more evidence.
But this staying up all night has made me sleep right through my alarm!
Mom's had to take me to school a couple times now and is upset cuz she's been late to work. I feel bad. But I have to know what Kate's planning!
**
Saturday -
Mom and dad sat me down to talk. They looked worried. At first I thought they knew about Kate and I was almost relieved, but then they started to ask if I was okay. If I needed to talk about anything. I almost said it right then, but Kate was there, watching. So instead I shook my head, and lied. I Told them nothing was wrong. They didn't look like they believed me though.
**
Tuesday -
I started guarding my parents room at night. I watch them during the day too, so I had to stop going to practice. I quit the team until this is taken care of…. Though I don't know how.
I carry a knife at night, just in case.
Last night Kate saw me. She was sneaking down the hall, and I could tell she was heading to mom and dad's room. When we saw one another, we just stared. Neither one of us saying a word. I finally ran to my room. I couldn't take being alone with her! I guess I never really thought she could hurt them. But she may be serious after all…
**
Wednesday-
I waited til Kate went to fill out some job applications, and then I told Mom what I knew, what I'd heard.
She had this expression like she wanted to cry. But it wasn't because of Kate. She was sad for me! She said she was scared I was using drugs! She said I looked awful, and lost too much weight. That I stopped going out, and quit the team She started to cry...I wanted to cry too. To tell her I didn't want to quit the team. I didn't want to be tired all the time. I didn't want to have no appetite! But what else could I do? I couldn't just let Kate hurt our family. I
tried to tell her everything, but Kate came home early
**
Friday-
I told Mom about Kate again. I'm so mad!!! She wouldn't even listen! She never listens! She said I need help! They're sending me to a hospital in a few days. How can I protect them from there??!
Kate came home during my argument with mom. She stood there listening as always. I ran to my room and cried. I had dinner in my room tonight but I didn't eat much. I was waiting until my parents fell asleep, and right before I was about to go down to guard their room I heard the floor creaking outside my door. When I opened it, Kate was there… how long had she been listening out there? I was more angry than scared. I asked her what she was doing, and she didn't answer but looked kind of nervous. She knows I know. I think I saw her smile when she said my name but I can't be sure. When I looked at her then, I knew what I had to do. I would have to end it myself. I would have to stop her. She wanted everyone to believe I was crazy. And now no one will believe me.
But I know what she is. And I'm going to stop her.
I can't wait too long though or it'll be too late. I'll be gone at some hospital leaving Kate to go through with her plan. It's now or never. I don't know what to do ……...yet…..
They're dead!!! Mom and dad!
Kate killed them. I fell asleep by mistake! I've just been so tired! I woke to the sound of my mother screaming. I ran down to help her, but it was too late. Kate had a knife and was standing at the bottom of the stairs. Her hands were bleeding but she didn't look like she cared about the cuts.
I grabbed the marble tray from the table in the hall, and when she ran at me, smiling and full of rage, I brought it down on her head. The sound of her skull cracking should have made me sick but I was glad. I wanted her to die for what she did to them. I hit her a few times, then ran back up to my room. I can hear her now. She is hurt but still coming for me, dragging herself to the steps. I could of sworn I heard her laughing.... I won't let her win. I hate her. She had to die. No one would understand. So I'm doing it myself.
**
The last page had blood on it. I don't know how it was missed during the investigation. I found it in Aria's room, on the floor under the carpet by her desk. Maybe I hid it? No one could really know for sure.
I know what you are all probably thinking… that I am a killer who killed her family and deserves at the very least life in prison, likely death. I have no memory of that night. But I do remember some of the days Aria wrote about in her diary. I remember the argument with Dad about the phone. I was mad, I'll admit. I remember the constant fights about college. I just wanted to take off one damn year after pushing myself all through high school to please them! I remember being angry about Aria getting the room on the third floor. It was unfair to say the least. I'm older. I had asked many times before her, and was always turned down… it was for dad's photography equipment, even though he rarely used it. But she asks and gets her way like always….. sure I was pissed. What daughter wouldn't be?
I remember my sister looking at me with a strange look in her eyes, was it fear?
But I don't remember the in-between. I don't have any recollection of the late night phone calls or of that night.
The nightmares though…. They are very vivid and in the worst, most recurring nightmare, I am standing at my parents bedside, watching them sleep, my hand gripping something, something I don't want to see. The nightmare ends with my father opening his eyes, locking onto mine. Then to the object in my hands and they grow wide with fear, understanding and betrayal. I wake up then, always soaked in sweat and tears.
My life has changed since that horrible night. And now I don't know what to believe. Could my sister have been just a scared, innocent kid trying to protect her parents the only way she knew how? Or is she the deranged, paranoid killer the world believes her to be?
And if she isn't…. What does that make me?
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