Almost every day I wake up at 3:30 am and can’t go back to sleep. If I lay there tossing and turning I only feel worse when it’s time to start the day. In case I can get sleepy again I don’t want to turn on any lights and artificially wake myself too much.
Instead of tossing and turning or watching TV or looking at my phone, I choose to stay in the dark, go outside, and look at the stars. There is a huge open field behind my house and the woods are off in the distance. The field is utterly flat and well mowed. Off in the distance, the glow of the nearby town is just enough to see anything moving in the field on moonless nights.
Sometimes I will go and lay in the field and just look up at the stars, imagining I am floating in space surrounded by their pinpricks of light. If I could choose a way to die, that would be it. Floating in space with stars in every direction I could see.
The woods nearby are part of a wilderness preserve. They have been left exactly the way they were before this area was settled. I mean, more or less. Kids play back there, but some of the trees are over 200 years old. Deer will come out from the edge of the woods from time to time to graze in the field at sunup or sundown. It really is a beautiful place to live and raise a family.
Last night, when I got up at 3:30 am and went outside to lay in the field I thought I saw something large and low to the ground move out of the woods and into the field as I was coming out of my back yard. The edge of the woods are a couple hundred yards away, and it seemed too big and too low to be a deer.
I twisted my head and strained my eyes to look after I had noticed the movement in my peripheral, but I couldn’t see anything. It was overcast last night and there were no stars. The glow from the town even seemed dimmer than usual. I froze, trying to listen for or see what was there.
I didn’t hear anything or see any more movement. I started to wonder if my sleep addled brain just imagined seeing something, but whatever I had seen, or not, unsettled me in its shape and the way that it moved. Straining to listen I had noticed my heart beating rapidly for the first time. I could hear it, it was so quiet.
I had thought to myself that my sudden anxiety was ridiculous and chastised myself in my head for being afraid. My brain was just so tired. Maybe if I went in and went back to bed I could go to sleep. There are no stars tonight anyway, I had thought to myself.
Turning to go in, I caught the shape in my peripheral again, seemingly motionless. But it was too late I had my back to it. I thought I felt my heart stop. I was afraid for it to beat, because I thought it would be too loud. The large, low, dark shape was still at the edge of the woods when I noticed it again. Maybe it hadn’t noticed me and if I was quiet I could make it inside.
I started to go in, stepping quietly, but as I moved and heard my own footsteps rustling the grass, I faintly seemed to hear grass rustling in the distance as well. Stopping to focus, I listened and heard nothing. I wanted to turn my head and look behind me, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I took another tentative step.
Rustling again in the distance behind me. I felt so ridiculous. Obviously this was some animal as afraid of me as I was of it. It was moving tentatively and cautiously in the exact same way I was. Afraid to attract too much attention.
I resolved myself to just confidently stride inside and go check for tracks in the morning. That would help me identify the creature and alleviate my fears going forward. This time, without being careful I just started walking back into my backyard. Behind me, the rustling.
I picked up my pace. The rustling became faster and I could tell it was getting closer. Fuck. Time to run. I sprinted to my back door and heard the sound of something large picking up pace behind me. God, what if it’s one of those black mountain lions I hear people say they’ve seen chasing me. The thought of sharp claws tearing the flesh off my back and hot teath biting into the back of my neck overwhelmed me and pure fear kicked in.
I made it to my door in full fear that death was behind me ready to catch me the minute I slowed down. Shaking in fear and certain of my imminent demise I struggled with the door. I got it open and turned around to slam it closed only to catch the closest glimpse of the creature in my peripheral I had seen so far.
It was black. Completely black. I didn’t see teeth or eyes or anything but a low and huge black mass. I was moving too fast to see it head on, but what I did see looked wrong. I locked the door and backed away.
Something bumped the door. I wasn’t crazy. I was seeing something and hearing something. The door moved. It was having a physical effect on objects. Again I was frozen. I wanted to go to my room and hide in bed, but I was afraid to turn my back on the creature again.
Fuck. What was it? I stayed there until the sun came up. In terror. Standing and staring at the door. I didn’t hear another sound. After seeing the light beginning to come through my windows I got brave enough to go peek out onto my back porch to see if the creature was still there. I didn’t want to see it, but if I could at least get a glimpse of black I could stop at that.
I saw nothing. I looked out over the field towards the woods. Nothing. The sun was coming up it was a beautiful day. Whatever it was has gone.
Later that day I went out to the field and the edge of the woods in the light. I checked everywhere along the edge of the woods and walked back to my house looking for tracks. The only tracks I saw were deer tracks and there was no sign of anything near my house.
I think I might get a dog. I don’t know what I will do when I wake up at 3:30 am in the morning, but I’ll keep y’all updated if anything happens again. I really don’t even want to go to sleep tonight and as much as I love the stars I don’t know if I’ll ever go lay in the field and look at them again.
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