After swearing he would never drink again, Evan decided he needed one last “hoorah.” If he was going to truly quit drinking, then he wanted to get drunker than he ever had before as a way of saying goodbye.
Where the fuck am I?
The entire night was a blur, and the morning was as well. Evan found himself walking around the block trying to sweat out the booze. He felt absolutely terrible.
I never want to drink again.
The splitting headache was excruciating, but what really bugged Evan was the incessant buzzing circling his head. Evan walked quickly up the block hoping the bug would leave, but the buzzing continued.
“Piss off, fly! Can’t you see I’m hungover!”
Evan started flailing around wildly to try and smack the bug out of orbit.
Across the street an elderly couple stared in Evan’s direction.
Fuck. They’re gonna think I’m crazy.
“Sorry! Just a fly!”
The elderly couple turned around and walked back inside.
Assholes. Completely ignored me.
The buzzing started again.
Where are you? You little flying fucker.
It must have been a fly on account of how loud the buzzing was, but he couldn’t see it. Maybe it was a gnat?
Whatever was making the sound, it was practically inside Evan’s ears now.
“Fuck!” Evan swatted at his ears. “Fuck this shit!” He started running back to his apartment. He’d recover in the comfort of his room. Maybe have a beer to take the edge off.
Just one beer. Then I’ll quit, I swear.
Evan jogged home making sure to cross the street multiple times, but the fly kept following him.
Persistent bastard, I’ll give him that!
No matter what he did he couldn’t shake the noisy insect.
He got to the apartment as someone was opening the front door.
“Out of the way! Coming through!” Evan jumped right past them through the door, and they seemed not to notice at all.
He ran to his unit and saw the door wide open. His roommate must have been trying to let a breeze in, since he refused to turn on the AC even in the scorching summer heat.
“I’m back,” Evan said, to no response. His roommate was playing Xbox with his headset on. “You’ll never believe this, a fly followed me my entire walk and all the way home. That’s weird, right?”
His roommate didn’t break eye contact with the screen.
The buzzing started again.
Mother fucker. He followed me inside?
Evan had an A-Salt-Gun buried somewhere in his closet. This fly was toast when he found his “fly killing, salt shooter.”
Just wait, asshole. I’m a crack-shot.
The door to Evan’s room was ajar, and after taking a step inside Evan knew something was wrong.
If I’m standing here, then who’s that?
Lying on the floor in a pool of vomit was Evan, with a bottle of whiskey still in his hand. A small swarm of flies had gathered around his head, buzzing right into his corpse’s ear.
---
Comments