Skip to main content

The Worst Wish


Immortality...what the hell was I thinking?! What an idiotic wish!

I'd read enough stories to know that genies weren't like the blue guy Robin William's played in Aladdin. They were tricksters, ready to make your wish backfire on you at any moment, eager to delight themselves at the expense of your hubris. So when the dark Arab man with fire in his eyes, smiling darkly through the tangle of his beard, offered me the desires of my heart, I was understandably hesitant.

"How do I know you'll actually do what I ask? How do I know you even can, and aren't just some prankster?" He chuckled deeply at this, then began to draw things out of thin air: a bottle of my favorite cola, a burger with all my favorite fixings, and, most impressively, the exact jacket I had been thinking of adding to my Christmas list earlier that day. I accepted them all in stunned silence.

"Believest thou now?" His grin widened. His teeth were sharp. "The scope of thy desire matters not. I am mightily endowed to fulfill even thy darkest dream."

I believed, all right. But I was cautious. Immortality immediately sprang to mind, but I could easily think of quite a few ways he could screw me over. I didn't want to end up as a bunch of undying body parts spread across the planet, or some ancient decrepit thing unable to walk or talk or die.

I thought and thought, until I felt like I had covered all bases. Then I spoke my wish, choosing each word carefully, trying to avoid loopholes and double meanings.

"I wish to be all of the following: immortal, invulnerable, eternally fit and healthy, and able to, at any time, summon you to wish myself back to normal."

Looking back, I can't believe how stupid I was. Lawyers write up contracts that look like novels, and people still manage to find loopholes. The sheer arrogance, to think I could, in one sentence, outsmart an ancient, otherworldly being. I knew I'd made a mistake the moment the words left my mouth, and the peals of demonic laughter that poured from the creature as he snapped his fingers cemented it for me.

It didn't take me long to figure out exactly how he'd screwed me. You see, invulnerable meant I was incapable of being dismembered. And that mean that the natural bodily process of eliminating old cells for new no longer applied to me. Still, the new cells kept coming. I kept growing. And I felt every bit of it.

Back when my vocal chords still made coherent noise, I tried summoning the genie to unwish it all. He didn't bother to hide his glee when he told me I could wish to be normal all I wanted, but he didn't have to grant it.

I'm already bigger than Jupiter. I can feel the full heat of the Sun pressing into my back. And it'll never stop.

Pain forevermore.

---
Credits

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

A Wish Come True (A Short Story)

I woke up with a start when I found myself in a very unfamiliar place. The bed I was lying on was grand—an English-quilting blanket and 2 soft pillows with flowery laces. The whole place was fit for a king! Suddenly the door opened and there stood my dream prince: Katsuya Kimura! I gasped in astonishment for he was actually a cartoon character. I did not know that he really exist. “Wake up, dear,” he said and pulled off the blanket and handed it to a woman who looked like the maid. “You will be late for work.” “Work?” I asked. “Yes! Work! Have you forgotten your own comic workhouse, baby dear?” Comic workhouse?! I…I have became a cartoonist? That was my wildest dreams! Being a cartoonist! I undressed and changed into my beige T-shirt and black trousers at once and hurriedly finished my breakfast. Katsuya drove me to the workhouse. My, my, was it big! I’ve never seen a bigger place than this! Katsuya kissed me and said, “See you at four, OK, baby?” I blushed scarlet. I always wan...
Post a Comment
Read more

Hans and Hilda

Once upon a time there was an old miller who had two children who were twins. The boy-twin was named Hans, and he was very greedy. The girl-twin was named Hilda, and she was very lazy. Hans and Hilda had no mother, because she died whilst giving birth to their third sibling, named Engel, who had been sent away to live wtih the gypsies. Hans and Hilda were never allowed out of the mill, even when the miller went away to the market. One day, Hans was especially greedy and Hilda was especially lazy, and the old miller wept with anger as he locked them in the cellar, to teach them to be good. "Let us try to escape and live with the gypsies," said Hans, and Hilda agreed. While they were looking for a way out, a Big Brown Rat came out from behind the log pile. "I will help you escape and show you the way to the gypsies' campl," said the Big Brown Rat, "if you bring me all your father's grain." So Hans and Hilda waited until their father let them out, ...
2 comments
Read more

I've Learned...

Written by Andy Rooney, a man who had the gift of saying so much with so few words. Rooney used to be on 60 Minutes TV show. I've learned.... That the best classroom in the world is at the feet of an elderly person. I've learned.... That when you're in love, it shows. I've learned .... That just one person saying to me, 'You've made my day!' makes my day. I've learned.... That having a child fall asleep in your arms is one of the most peaceful feelings in the world. I've learned.... That being kind is more important than being right. I've learned.... That you should never say no to a gift from a child. I've learned.... That I can always pray for someone when I don't have the strength to help him in any other way. I've learned.... That no matter how serious your life requires you to be, everyone needs a friend to act goofy with. I've learned.... That sometimes all a person needs is a hand to hold and a heart to understand. I...
Post a Comment
Read more