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Pasta Player: Cooking Mama


I was looking for games for my DS. One game that was in my mind was Cooking Mama. I played the original version a few years back, but however my little sister (a baby at the time) flushed my copy down the toilet. So, I decided to buy it again.

I went to the local game shop and found the shelf with Cooking Mama copies on it. They were £19.99 each. However, at the bottom left corner was a strange copy without the original cover on it, just "COOKING MAMA" in large blue pen. It was only £2.00 and was marked simply as "Used". I wanted to get the new £19.99 one, but curiosity got the best of me. So I picked up the £2 copy and went to the cashier.
"You really don't want that," he said to me.

I thought he was just playing a prank on me or he just didn't like Cooking Mama or something, so I ignored him and bought it anyway.

I got home, got my DS and put the cartridge in it. One thing I noticed about the cartridge is that it didn't have any label on it at all and it had heavy scratches on it. But anyway, I fired up the DS. It didn't recognise the cartridge. I expected that anyway. So just when I was going to turn the DS off, the screens faded to white. I didn't think this could happen. It showed the splash screens from Cooking Mama 1. Then came the actual game. Instead of the clean, cartoon kitchen and the happy music, it was an abandoned kitchen with rusty cutlery, set at night. It was windy.

The windows were smashed. It looked like it was from real life. The music was some out of tune, deep music. I could almost swear I heard some screaming in the distance. Then, on the top screen, was the ceiling. It was torn and showed just sky above. The name came up on the screen. "COOKING MAMA". It looked like it was carved on the wall with long nails. I tried everything I could to turn the game off. Flicking the switch loads, whacking the console on the floor, taking the cartridge out, but no avail, so I just had to continue to play.

When I touched the touch screen, it went straight to the recipe menu. The background was pitch black. There was just one recipe; it was called "You". The small thumbnail was a crying human head that looked just like me. I was so scared at this point. The top screen was Mama, only covered with blood, skin ripped off and the expression she does when you get a bronze medal. I clicked the recipe. It went straight to what I had to do. I had to use a chainsaw to chop what looked like my head off, while "I" was still living. It all looked so realistic. I got the saw out and just did what I had to do. I chopped my own head off. (The head that looks like my one). I could see me screaming in horror as I sliced my neck. Genuine tears were coming out of my eyes, both in real life and ingame. I was vomiting both in real life and ingame too, so the real me and virtual me had a lot in common. Once my head had come off, I heard the bronze medal sound, and I saw Mama on the top screen looking very angry. She said "YOU WILL DIE. ENJOY YOUR HORRIBLE DEATH, " in a demonic voice. She knew my name. A game knew my name. I was petrified.

Next, I had to pluck the eyes out of my head. I shoved my hand into my eye and pulled it out. The eye socket appeared and lots of blood came out of the eye hole. The same happened for the other eye. And it looked so realistic. The out of tune music from the title was playing again. Then Mama said, in a whispering voice:

"Evil is within."

That must have been one of the scariest things of my life. Next, I had to "dispose of the head". I had to pick up my no eyed head and put it in a sack. It was horrible. Then I realised something. Why did I take the eyes out if I had to dispose of the head afterwards? That was strange. But there were all the other things in my mind.

There were some small steps, involving horrible, gruesome things, such as taking my bones out. Then came another step. "PULL THE ORGANS OUT". I had to pull my organs out? No.. no... it couldn't be. A dirty hand went inside my bloody, pale, cut open, decapitated corpse. I found my heart, my stomach, my lungs, my kidneys and all the other organs. It was probably the most disgusting thing of all the disgusting things I had done. In real life, I was just frozen, with vomit all over my lap and my DS. I was as white as milk, and crying so much.

The next step was the pentiultimate step. "COOK THE BODY". It showed my multilated corpse shoved into an oven, and I had to turn it on and cook myself. I turned it on, and waited what was about 20 minutes, but seemed like years. Suddenly, there was a "ting" sound, and I was sent to the final step.

The next step was "DECORATE THE BODY". I had lots of stuff like cream and ketchup and fruits. That was the only colourful thing on that game. I had to cover my charred corpse in many decorations. There was even a flag. Remember the flags on Cooking Mama when you decorate a cake? I put one of them on my body, but instead of it just appearing, it got shoved into my body, making a hole in it. I smothered my body in cream, so you couldn't see it anymore. I put some ketchup on it (horrible mixture) and then some fruits, then pressed "Done". Then Mama walked from the top screen to the bottom screen and looked at my body. Then she looked at the real life me. Then she began to speak.

"Now, that wasn't enjoyable, was it? I hope you suffered. I can tell you did by what you currently look like. I must go now. This cartridge will become corrupt and will cease to function."

Mama was right. The DS came off and the cartridge stopped working. I ran and shoved the DS into the bin. I thought the DS might have become cursed or something.
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