“So one day Jim Morrison of The Doors died in Paris, and as you’d imagine all of his family and friends were heart-broken, especially his wife.”
“Um, I don’t think Jim Morrison was married when he died.”
Uncle Teddy gave me a withering look of disapproval. “He’s telling a joke, Cora. Don’t be rude.” I glared back at him as I sunk further into my chair with folded arms. I didn’t like the direction this was heading at all. First this asshole shows up, comes in like he owns the place (past magic wards that I thought would have kept him out), and then when I tell Heckle and Jeckle to stop him, he somehow freezes them in place and tells me he’ll kill them if I don’t call them off.
The worst part was, I could tell he wasn’t bluffing. He could do magic in here, and given the fact that he was the person that recruited Teddy into the life of a Dollmaker all those years ago, I thought it was fair to say he wasn’t a good guy. I held out some dim hope that Teddy would come out and fix things with some sinister threat or clever plan, but instead, he had actually seemed happy to see Darrow. They had slapped backs and laughed, Teddy had told the golems to bring us in some drinks and snacks, and now we were apparently sitting down to chit-chat and tell jokes with one of the most dangerous occultists still alive in the world. I kept hoping Teddy was just buying us time until he figured things out, but that hope was fading fast, and I honestly couldn’t tell if my uncle was terrified of the man and just trying to placate him by being pleasant, or worse, he was actually friends with this guy.
With the way he was laughing it up and scolding me when I dared correct the evil fuck, my fear and anger were racing each other for my tongue. I was trying to slow them down, but it was hard, and I knew it was only a matter of time before I was doing more than interrupting his stupid joke.
Darrow cleared his throat as he gave me a dry smile. “As I was saying. So we come to Jim Morrison’s wake, and everyone is there of course. The band is in line to view his body, with the keyboardist at the back. Suddenly, someone pokes him from behind. When he turns around, he sees that it’s God.”
Teddy gave a small chuckle and nod as he listened. I was paying attention, as I couldn’t say for sure that none of this was important, but I felt my impatience growing. If I could just reach my room, I had a gun and…
“God smiles at the keyboardist and says, ‘Hey, man. Sorry for your loss. Jim was a good guy. But given how you just lost your lead singer and all…well, things aren’t looking too bright for the band. What do you say about signing up with me? I’ve got a lot of contacts, as you might imagine, and I guarantee you’ll be happier than you ever were with whoever is managing you now.”
“The keyboardist is kind of shocked by the offer, and he tells God that now isn’t the time or the place for such talk. God looks disappointed but seems to understand.”
“The next day, the keyboardist is sitting in the church during Jim’s funeral. Suddenly, he realizes that God is sitting next to him with a knowing smile. ‘Hey, just wanted to check in with you. I have the contract right here. Higher album percentages, two guaranteed solo albums with backend on any concerts or merch. What do you say?”
“Again, the keyboardist refuses to talk about closing any deal. ‘Later’, he whispers, trying to not be overheard by the rest of the band and poor Jim’s wife. Again, God seems disappointed and leaves.”
“Now we’re at the graveside. Well-wishers and fans are coming by to give their condolences, and the keyboardist sees with some dread that God is in the line and approaching him. Before God can even speak, the keyboardist finally relents—“Fine, fine, I’ll sign with you, okay?”
“God smiles broadly and gives him a hug. “That’s wonderful!” With that, the Almighty pulls out a large straight razor and slashes Jim Morrison’s wife open from top to bottom before leaving the graveyard with a small wave.”
Teddy burst out laughing as I shook my head. “Jesus.”
Darrow looked over at me with a mockingly dour look. “What? Didn’t get it, my dear?”
I rolled my eyes. “Oh, I got it. When God closes a Door, he opens a widow, right?”
The man smiled thinly and nodded. “Just don’t appreciate gallows humor I suppose. Ah well, more’s the…”
I stood up, my fists clenched at my sides. I was trying to give Teddy time to do whatever it was he was going to do, if anything, but I was tired of waiting. Time to tip this douche over a little and see what scuttled out. Some information, a reaction, a mistake, something.
“No, what I don’t appreciate is you walking in like you own the fucking place,” I turned and shot Teddy a look, “through magical wards or shields or whatever that are supposed to keep anyone from coming in or doing magic unless one of us okays it. I know I didn’t okay it. Did you, Teddy?”
Teddy looked at me with wide eyes, his expression both fearful and sheepish. “Cora…I…um…”
Darrow was chuckling again now, but it had lost any pretense of friendliness or warmth. It was a cold, nasty sound that made me suppress a shudder as he stood up and turned to face me. “Don’t blame poor Teddy. His wards work just fine. It’s just…well, who do you think put the wards up for him in the first place, girl?” His eyes twinkled with dark merriment as he took a step toward me. “And who do you think you are to speak to me like this?”
Uncle Teddy stood up hesitantly, his voice trembling slightly. “Christopher, she’s just a girl. She doesn’t understand everything, and she’s been through quite a lot. We both have. Have mercy on her.”
I felt my stomach turn to ice. Teddy really was scared of this man. I had never seen Teddy afraid like this, and it was terrifying. Swallowing thickly, I nodded. “He’s right. I’m just upset. I’m sorry I was rude.” Sitting back down, I kept my eyes lowered. “I hope you accept my apology.”
Out of my peripheral vision I saw Darrow move back to his chair. When he spoke, his tone was slightly warmer. “Good, good. I want my reunion with my friend Teddy to be a happy one. We have much to talk about. You’ve been very busy.” I looked up and saw Darrow had turned his focus back to Teddy now that I had been put in my place. My mind racing, I tried to come up with some way out of this for us, but for now I didn’t know enough to know what might work. For all I knew, Darrow could kill us both with a thought. Or worse.
“Yes, I knew you’d hear about some of that.” Teddy smiled weakly. “But I assure you, it was all self-defense and necessary.”
Darrow let out another small laugh. “Self-defense, eh? The Blind Court, possibly. The caretakers of Die Hungrige Klinge? From what I’ve heard, you sought them out and slaughtered them. But I don’t really care, so we’ll call that a wash. But members of my own Circle? Friends and confidants that I’ve known for decades? For centuries? That’s a different matter entirely. They trusted you, Teddy. I trusted you.”
Teddy frowned slightly. “Didn’t you always tell me that this work you do requires strength of will and mind? Didn’t I do you a favor by getting rid of members that were stupid enough to fall for my tricks?”
Darrow broke into what seemed like a genuine grin. “Teddy, Teddy. You’re right, of course. There wasn’t one in that whole bunch worth as much as you. Most of them would have proven to be more of a liability than an asset in the times that are coming.” His grin began to falter as he went on. “That being said, times are coming. Plans are in motion. Delicate plans that you are disrupting with your chaos.”
When Teddy stayed silent, Darrow continued. “Or do you think I don’t know that you sent the Evening Star to Hell?” He frowned sourly. “That was always Frank’s pet project, not mine, and frankly I think he stands little chance against the Hunter, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t potentially useful as we prepare for the Breach. All you’ve done is sent him to be slaughtered.”
Uncle Teddy went to speak but Darrow waved him quiet again. “I’m not finished. I have given you everything all these many years…kept you safe and protected. My plan was to ensure that you survived the coming change and had a place with me and mine. That may still come to pass, but…well, there’s no easy way to say this.” He turned to stare at me, his stony gaze boring through me as he continued to talk to Teddy. “This girl, this niece of yours, she’s proven to be a bad influence. I don’t know if she’s some reminder of your former life, someone you’ve been trying to impress, or just a general troublemaker, but she has to go. Permanently.”
Teddy let out a long, sad sigh like a balloon losing the last of its air. His voice small and hollow, he whispered, “Go ahead then. Get it over with.”
I had time to feel a rush of pain and sadness that Teddy didn’t even try to defend me before Darrow was standing again. He made several complex gestures with his hands as he stepped forward, his voice sonorous with dark mumblings that seemed to burn the air as he spoke. I had a final thought that I hoped Teddy would be okay and then Darrow slammed his hands together with a finality that sounded like the cracking of the world.
But nothing happened.
Behind him, Teddy was smirking. “What’s the matter, Christopher? Can’t get it up?”
Darrow whirled on him. “What did you do?”
Teddy gestured to the empty chair. “Sit down and I’ll tell you.”
The other man took a threatening step toward my uncle. “You’ll tell me no…” Then he was yanked off his feet and flung into the chair. The chair itself almost tipped over, but was somehow robbed of its backwards momentum and righted at the last moment. Darrow was still sitting in the chair like a pinned bug, his eyes wide and filled with a combination of fear and hate as he glared at Teddy.
My uncle didn’t seem concerned. “I think we’re done with the portion of this encounter where I let you act like a patronizing ass who’s in control of things. As you are starting to figure out, you are in control of very little at this point.”
Darrow looked like he was trying to swallow a particularly unsavory piece of gristle as he cleared his throat and tried to regain his composure. It was disquieting to see how quickly he was able to do so. Within seconds he was smiling a cold smile, and when he spoke, his tone was measured and careful.
“Do you mind telling me how you accomplished all this?”
Teddy’s eyes glittered as he leaned forward in his chair. He looked at Darrow for several seconds before turning to me. “See, Cora, this is the point where he expects the villains, namely us, to explain the inner workings of their plan. Because rest assured, Christopher sees us as the villains in this simply because we are obstacles to what he wants. He wants to kill you because you’re a bad influence on me. And he wants to see if I can be brought in line. If I’ll stay loyal after watching you get sent to Hell for a final time.”
“I’m right here, Teddy. Talk to me.” Darrow’s tone was harsher now, and it looked as though his calm demeanor was beginning to crack.
Ignoring him, Teddy continued. “The problem, my dear niece, is that Christopher is very smart. Maybe not smarter than you, but certainly smarter than me. And he’s proud of that intelligence, particularly when it comes to matters such as this, where intellect and will are of such great importance. He’s so proud, in fact, that he thinks he can’t be beaten. He’s always three steps ahead of everyone else, you see.”
I eyed Darrow warily. “So he’s really powerless here? You’ve really got him for sure?”
Teddy smiled as he sat back in his chair. “Well, it would be a bit of ironic hubris for me to say he’s beaten with 100% certainty after just going into Christopher’s pride being his downfall, but just between you and me…,” He cupped his hand theatrically as he did a loud stage whisper in my direction. “Yeah, he’s super duper fucked.”
I felt relief flowing through me as though a new wellspring had been tapped in my chest. Quick behind it was mild irritation. “Asshole. You could have let me in on the joke. I’ve been freaking out over here.”
Teddy was still smiling as he nodded, but his eyes were harder and more distant now. “I understand, and I hated it. But I didn’t want to risk Christopher catching on until I was ready. Not because it would have made much of a difference in what happens to him, but because it makes a difference to me.” He swung his gaze back to Darrow, and for the first time, I saw open fear on the other man’s face. “You stole so much from me. You all did. Not to mention all the terrible shit you’ve done to other people and the things you still have planned. You’re owed a lot of suffering, and I find it always hurts worse when its unexpected.”
Darrow’s lower lip trembled with some foul mixture of rage, despair, and terror. “How are you doing this?”
Uncle Teddy cocked a thumb at Darrow as he looked at me with a raised eyebrow. “Do you believe this guy? He’s still more concerned about how I did it than what’s going to happen to him. He still thinks he can win this, particularly since he’s been feeding me bad information for so long.” I saw Darrow flinch at that. Teddy noticed it too and let out a little chuckle. “You want to know how smart my buddy Chris is? He’s so smart, so sly and careful, he had incorrect duplicates of various arcane texts created just so he could give them to me. Teach me the wrong way of doing spells and rituals that didn’t relate to my role as a pet Dollmaker.” He raised his hand.
“And it worked for years. A lot of that was my fault, but in my defense, they were masterfully done. The books looked authentic, and he made sure that enough of the information was right, enough of the things in the books would kinda sorta work, that I would think I was learning the real deal, with any problems due to my mistakes rather than flaws in the texts.”
He turned and regarded Darrow again, his expression stony. “But I knew how smart Chris was. He’d made sure I knew over the years. So I decided to get some of my own super-rare occult texts from other sources. I just…well, I just had a hunch.” He smiled thinly. “And what do you know? I knew enough to be able to spot the differences and tell which one was wrong. After that, I’d still thank Mr. Darrow for the light reading, but I knew not to trust anything in the books that I didn’t independently verify. Time-consuming work, but then again, they made sure I had plenty of time by myself for recreational reading.”
I wanted to ask more questions, but I decided to let Teddy talk it out. For one thing, this was a big moment for him—finally getting revenge on the person that brought him into this life. For another, my uncle was kind of terrifying at the moment. I had seen him angry and ruthless before, of course, but this was somehow different. There was a kind of cold rage threaded through his words and gestures that I had only seen glimpses of before now. It was an anger bred from loss and guilt and shame, and it needed to be fed with the suffering of those that wronged him. Judging from what I was seeing, it was very hungry, and I knew it was best to just stay quiet for now.
Darrow wasn’t as smart.
“Congratulations, Teddy. You finally realized you were a fool. It took you long enough. Why don’t you get this all over with? You’re beginning to bore me.” Darrow’s tone was condescending, but I could still see the fear in his eyes. He was trying to goad Teddy into killing him, but he was also terrified of the prospect. Still, if he was so scared of going to Hell, why…
“…do you want to go to Hell all of a sudden? You’ve always been terrified of going before, even with my dolls to guarantee a way back, and it’s reasonable for you to assume I’d do a tainted doll ritual as soon as you were dead to insure memoriam dolls were no longer an option for you. So what’s different now…” Teddy’s mind was on the same track mine was, but I saw he already had the answer. “Unless you either have another way back or you’ve decided to finally sack up and stay in Hell for a bit.”
Now I did speak up. “Why would he want to stay in Hell? Isn’t he afraid of the Hunter getting him?”
Teddy nodded. “Oh yeah, I’m sure he is. But Christopher is a master occultist. I bet he knows that there are ways you can influence where you land in Hell. And not all of Hell is forest, is it, Chris?”
The man’s eyes bulged. “You went to the City?”
Teddy gave him a wide smile, his eyes dangerous. “Oh yes. Nice place. Been several times now. I even got a local library card.”
Darrow’s eyes closed tightly as he began trembling with what I hoped was impotent rage. “You went to the Libraries. Of course. I still don’t see how…but that’s the only thing that makes sense.” He opened his eyes again, his gaze clear and unwavering. “Teddy, you’re right. You’ve beaten me. And yes, I was going to finally go to the Libraries and try to learn all I could before the Breach. But I wanted you to be on my side for all of that. You were useful before as a Dollmaker, but I see now how much I’ve underestimated you. Wronged you.” He nodded toward me. “I also see that young Cora is an asset. It was foolish to threaten her.” Licking his lips, he gave Teddy a nervous smile. “But none of that changes what’s coming. The Breach will occur soon, and if the Hunter still exists when that happens, we are all doomed. Let’s work together. I feel sure we can win if we do.”
Teddy seemed deep in thought as he stood up. “It’s an interesting proposition. I’ll be right back.” He was headed out of the parlor when I called to him.
“What the fuck? You leaving me alone with the evil wizard guy?”
Teddy rolled his eyes. “Just for a minute. I have to get something before I forget.”
I half-expected him to come back in with a weapon of some kind, but instead he was carrying what looked like a large doll’s head. Even from a distance I could tell it resembled Darrow, even if it was twice the size of his actual head. When Teddy was back in the man’s field of vision, Darrow let out a wail.
“Oh, good. So you have some idea of what this is. That cuts down on unnecessary exposition then.” He opened the head along a hidden vertical seam and fitted it down on Darrow’s shoulders. I had time to see four long needles at different points along the interior before he closed the doll head around Darrow’s own with a slightly meaty-sounding snap. The man’s wail turned into a screech that reminded me of a teakettle, boiling on for several seconds before fading away with a wetly terrible final gasp.
Teddy looked up at me, his expression more relaxed. “Well good. That’s done then.”
Standing up, I started pacing. So much had happened in the last half hour that I felt like I was on the verge of having a stroke. “What the fuck? What the fuck with all of this? What is that thing? Didn’t you just kill him and give him what he wants?”
Laughing a little, Teddy raised his hands. “Whoa, whoa. Slow your roll. I guess some explanation is in order.” Glaring at him, I tried to make myself stop walking the room, momentarily contenting myself with fidgeting as I leaned against the wall. “Um yeah. As I said, ‘what the fuck’.”
Teddy nodded. “Fair enough. Okay, so like I said, I’ve known for some time that Darrow was trying to feed my desire to learn more magic with doctored texts. He really did do a good job on them, but I still learned enough that I started picking up on the flaws and cross-checking anything he gave me whenever possible. Yet, for all my years of study, I knew a fraction of what someone like Milly knew, much less one of the really old, powerful Circle leaders like Darrow. One reason for this is because they don’t like to share.”
“But there’s one area that it’s easier to learn about because, ironically enough, most black magicians don’t want to dwell on it more than necessary. That was knowledge of Hell itself.”
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Credits
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