“Get away from him.”
Her smile widened. “What’s wrong, honey?”
Stepping forward, I grabbed Evan under the armpits and started to pick him up. He even felt heavier and bigger than he had before. What had she d-
“You’re acting strange. And you’re not taking my son anywhere when you’re like this.” Her hand was suddenly on my arm, painfully tight and twisting my right hand away as I tried to pick Evan up. Grimacing, I yanked my arm away and gave her a shove.
“Stay the fuck away from me. You’re not Cody.” Glaring at her, I shook my head. “I don’t know who or what you are, but I know you’re not her.”
“Stop it, Steve. Don’t hit me again. Leave us alone!” Her voice had gotten louder and higher as she spoke, breaking into a tremulous falsetto. Her expression had never changed from that mocking smile, her eyes doll bright and staring as she got to her feet.
I stared at her. “What the fuck? I didn’t…” The air was knocked out of me as she suddenly pushed me hard enough in the chest that I stumbled several steps back, and before I could recover, she had shoved me again, this time sending me sprawling into the hall before slamming the door shut behind me. I caught myself against the far wall from falling and immediately went back to the door, but it was locked. Banging on it loudly, I yelled for her to open up and give me Evan. She didn’t respond to me, but I could hear her talking to someone on the other side of the door.
“…my husband. He’s gone crazy or something. I think he…oh God, I think he might hurt me or our little boy. Please hurry.”
(Partial transcript of Miltry v. Miltry hearing on issues of temporary custody, temporary protective order, and modification of the family safety plan)
Brown (Plaintiff’s Attorney): Mr. Miltry, why do you think you should be allowed back into the home with my client and Evan?
S. Miltry: Because…um, well, because they’re my family. And I love them. We should be together.
Brown: No one is doubting that you love them, but I think we’re all concerned about what might happen if you’re back home before it’s safe. Before you’re safe to be around.
S. Miltry: But I heard her…I heard Cody say that she wanted me back home so long as I promised to keep taking the meds I’ve been prescribed and going to my court ordered counseling. She said that this morning.
Brown: Mmmhmm. She did. Because she loves you too. But we also heard her recording of when you attacked her. And the judge there has to look at everything, not just what she wants or you want, but what’s best for you both and for your little boy.
S. Miltry: I know that. But what’s best for my boy is for me to be there for him.
Brown: Let’s talk about some of that. Your attorney kind of glossed over the details, but let’s delve a bit deeper into why we’re here. Because let’s remember, two weeks ago when 911 was called, you thought you were being there for Edward then, didn’t you?
S. Miltry: His name is Evan.
Brown: (Laughter) Sorry, sorry. Lots of clients. I misspoke. But you thought you were being there for him, didn’t you? When you attacked your wife?
S. Miltry: I didn’t…look, I don’t consider what I did an attack. I was just trying to leave the room with Evan because I was worried about what was going on.
Brown: You were worried that your wife was some kind of imposter, right? Or maybe some kind of clone or monster?
S. Miltry: I…I’ve talked to the doctors about it. And I understand that I had what they’re calling a psychotic break. It made me confused and paranoid and scared. So yes, I had weird thoughts and worries about her at the time. But I’m better now.
Brown: Well, and we all hope you are better now. But this wasn’t something that just popped up that day, was it?
S. Miltry: Um, no, the doctors said that…
Brown: And in fact…
Willis: Objection, your Honor. If my client can be allowed to finish his response.
Brown: He was finished with his response and was about to launch into inadmissible hearsay regarding what doctors told him.
Court: Overruled, but do let him explain his response if he can do so from his personal knowledge. Do you need to explain your answer further, Mr. Miltry?
S. Miltry: Um, no, I don’t guess so. I don’t know.
Brown: Well, let me see if I can help you out. Isn’t it true that for several weeks you’ve harbored delusions that your wife wasn’t really the same person anymore? That she had been replaced during this car accident back in September?
S. Miltry: I…you have to understand, we’ve had a lot going on. It’s been stressful. And a lot of this has been taken out of context and blown out of proportion.
Brown: So when your own mother testified this morning that you’d told her about your concerns, that you’d actually asked her if my client seemed like the same person, that wasn’t because you had these delusions?
S. Miltry: No, I guess it was. But I’d been talking to Jesse, and he was telling me all this stuff and I could tell that he was concerned too and…
Brown: Sorry, but which Jesse are you referring to?
S. Miltry: The guy from the wrecker service. Um, Wright Wrecking Service.
Brown: Oh yes. I think you initially told the police and evaluating doctor that this Jesse, this random guy who befriended you after towing your wife’s car, had told you some ghost story about his own family, right?
S. Miltry: I mean, not exactly, but yeah. And he got the detective to check the fingerprint, but…listen, none of that matters now.
Brown: Ah, okay. What about your other bizarre claims? That your child was growing abnormally large? That he had vomited up some strange key? Do they matter?
S. Miltry: I understand that I was going through a hard time and got confused. I know they checked Evan and he seemed normal and healthy. That it was all in my head, for whatever reason. And I’m very sorry to my…wife and family for all I’ve put them through. I just want to be with them again.
Brown: I see. So you’ve put all this nonsense behind you?
S. Miltry: Yes, sir. I have.
Brown: And the woman at this table, who is she?
S. Miltry: She…She’s the mother of my child and my wife. And I love her very much.
The next day, I was allowed to move back home. I’d talked to my parents the night before, and while they were apologetic for testifying for Cody, they explained that they were doing it for all of our sakes. That everyone was there for me and would help me get through whatever problems I had. I told them the same stuff I’d said in court. That I knew I was messed up and that none of my fears were true.
For his part, Jesse had offered to come testify at the hearing if it would help, but I didn’t see how it would. If I kept calling her a monster or an imposter, they’d never let me near Evan again, and I might wind up getting sent back to the hospital where I’d spent several days already. So I told them what they wanted to hear, and it worked.
Cody was pleasant enough when I got back home. Normal acting, even, though she was a bit standoffish and I was sleeping in the guest bedroom. Evan, while still more quiet and solitary than he’d been before Cody’s accident, didn’t seem abnormal or overly strange. By the end of the week, surrounded by relative normalcy, I started to doubt myself. What if the things I was just paying lip service to were actually true? I thought what I’d seen and heard was the truth, but wouldn’t I think that if I was crazy? And even if it was just a temporary “episode”, wouldn’t I still have memories of what I believed and why? How could I be sure that I really hadn’t gone through some kind of breakdown?
That self-doubt eroded my sense of purpose. Initially, I’d planned on taking Evan and running, even if it meant going into hiding until I could get this all sorted out. But every day I’d find excuses to wait. To give it more time, to make sure before I did something that I couldn’t take back. Evan did seem okay. And I saw no signs of her being cruel to him or to me, did I? So maybe I was wrong.
Then on my fifth day back, I heard Evan singing a nursery rhyme.
He was alone in his room—that’s where he stayed most of the time now—drawing something intently with the colored pencils I’d bought him during the summer. When I walked up to his door, he didn’t seem to notice, never pausing in his drawing as he softly repeated the same verses under his breath.
Come to me. Come to me. You are invited by word and deed.
Come to me. Come to me. By this offering, will you be freed.
Come to me. Come to me. Wards are mist and chains are rust.
For there is only one of us.
My breath stopped as I listened carefully to him repeating the words
a second time and then a third. The droning cadence never changed, and
I realized it was less a song or rhyme than it was a chant.
Chest
tightening, I crept further into the room and looked over his shoulder
at what he was making. Taking it in, my confused astonishment began to
curdle into horror. The drawing was impossibly detailed—far beyond what
he, or any other small child, should have been able to draw:
An open door, and on the other side, a black house surrounded by an endless field of sunflowers.
Tongue thick in my mouth, I forced myself to speak. “Evan? Buddy? What’re you drawing there?”
When he looked up, his hand never stopped filling in the shadows on the porch of that dark house. Giving me a little laugh, he shrugged. “It’s me, Daddy.” He wiped at his nose with his free hand. “I’m drawing the real me.”
“How…I don’t understand, son. How is that you?”
Evan wiped at his nose again, and as I watched, a small red beetle pushed its way out of his nostril. I let out a terrified scream and reached to brush it away, but it fell and scuttled off before I could catch it. Grabbing the boy’s head, I turned it this way and that, looking up his nose and into his ears.
“Evan? What was that? Do you feel anything else in you, sweetie?”
He just stared at me smiling, his hand still absently but accurately drawing until I pushed the paper away. This turned his smile into a mild frown, but he said nothing at first. I held him, crying softly for a moment, trying to decide what to do. It was then that he pulled closer to me and whispered in my ear.
“I feel it coming back again.”
Suddenly the lights went out, plunging the house into darkness. In my arms, it felt as though Evan’s body changed, growing heavier and larger than just a second before. His skin felt cold now, and though it was impossible, I thought I could feel it stretching tighter under my hand.
“Wha…what the fuck…”
From the direction of the doorway, I heard Cody’s voice from across the dark.
“I think it’s time.”
---
Credits
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