I should have known the job was too good to be true.
Make two hundred dollars a night to sit in an undisclosed location from sun down to sun up. No previous experience required. Non Disclosure to be signed before hiring. Candidates who break NDA will be sued for breach of contract. Must have a strong constitution and high moral fiber. Interested parties call (number below)
For a college student who was struggling to pay tuition, car insurance, and keep food in the dorm fridge, this sounded too good to be true. I looked at the party offering the service and discovered that I knew them. Doctor Crandler was a BioMed teacher who had a bit of a reputation for being out there. He was said to conduct experiments after hours in the science lab and if he hadn’t had tenure, it was pretty likely that he would have been fired. These were all rumors, of course. I’d had Doctor Crandler last year for entry level human biomes and he was a delight. He turned out to be a huge Romero fan and loved to talk about zombies and old horror movies. We had really hit it off, and when I called the number, he sounded happy to hear from me.
“Oh thank god, I was hoping someone reliable would call. I’ve lost three this week, and I’m beginning to think I’ll have to stoop to drastic measures.”
Whatever drastic measures were, Doc C didn’t elaborate.
He just told me to come to the science lab at five fifteen sharp.
“And not a minute later!” he added before hanging up and leaving me with more questions than answers.
I wasn’t sure what to expect, but two hundy was two hundy, and that would be able to put something in my body other than ramen noodles this week if the job was legit. So, about four thirty, I hopped on my bike and made my way across campus to the Verner May Science Building. It’s a huge old brick building that's been on campus since the nineteen forties. They say its been home to a lot of famous research and more than one questionable clinical trial. I had started to wonder if Doctor C was gonna try to experiment on me, and that's why he was being so secretive. I decided that if that was the case, two hundred was not enough. I had enough trouble scoring ladies with my pizza face and I doubted having four arms or two heads would help matters much.
I stepped through the doors at five o'clock sharp and Doctor Crandler looked up excitedly. “Prompt as always! I remember that from my classes. You were always early, and I like a student who is punctual. Come this way and let me show you what I’m working on. Before we start out though,” he set a Non Disclosure Agreement in front of me and I looked over it before signing my name to it. It was pretty standard stuff. Don’t talk about what you see, don’t talk about what I’m working on, don’t tell the media, don’t post it on the internet (guess I messed that part up), yada yada yada. After that, he tossed a black hood onto the table and told me to put it on.
I hesitated, not having asked him anything about what we were doing yet.
“You’re, uh, not gonna experiment on me, right Doc?”
He laughed, but it didn't sound particularly merry.
“No no, my boy. I would never experiment on you. I have specific parameters and I'm afraid you just don't meet them.”
I wasn't sure whether to be glad or insulted, but I put the hood on either way. He led me through a door, down some stairs, outside, back inside, and then down more stairs. Finally, we came to our destination, and when he took the hood off, I was in a little room about the size of your average dorm room. Inside was a table, a chair, and a glass jar with something floating inside. It was roughly the size of a spud, though if it was a potato it was one of those big ole Idaho job. I'd say it was about two feet tall, maybe half a foot wide, and it just sort of floated there placidly.
“This is your job.” Doctor C said, pointing to the jar.
“What? Just watch this thing? Easy peasy!” I said, not yet understanding what I was agreeing to.
“Just watch it till I get here to relieve you. Be careful, it's very tricky. It may try to get you to let it go. Do Not let it go under ANY circumstances. For that, I'll pay you two hundred dollars a night.”
I put out a hand, being a man who signs deals with a shake, and Doctor C pumped my arm one good time before saying he was going to leave now.
“I'm going to lock you in. If you have to urinate, there's a bucket in the corner. There are snacks and water in the mini fridge over there, though I would prefer it if you don't take your eyes off that jar.
I started to protest about having to wizz in a bucket, but I just nodded and told him not to worry about it. A deal was a deal, as my old man liked to say, and when he left, I heard the door lock behind him. So, I settled in and took out my phone as I surfed Reddit. I kept an eye on the jar, looking up about every thirty seconds, but mostly I just sat there and tried not to fall asleep. That was the hardest part. It was so boring, just sitting there for ten to twelve hours, and I made a mental sticky to bring coffee tomorrow. Doc had some snacks in his fridge, but Kale chips and pita chips with hummus are not what a man desires when he's trying not to zonk out.
The weird little thing in the jar didn't help much either. It was boring. All it did was float there, but I guess thats not quite true. Sometimes I would look up and find it looking at me, its weird brown body seeming to watch me. It couldn't really be doing that, since it didn't have eyes, but I still felt very seen as I sat there on my phone. I made a note to bring a charger too, but luckily it lasted till the doc came back, and he smiled as he handed me my two hundred dollars in cash at the end of the shift.
“Do you feel anything? Any headaches or nausea?” he asked.
I told him I didn't and he invited me to come back tomorrow night.
I told him for sure, and left two hundred bones the richer.
I kept watching the little science project for the next week and ended with an extra fourteen hundred bucks in my pocket. I agreed to do it seven nights a week, and as spring began, the nights got a little shorter too. Soon the sun was going down closer to eight, and I didn't have to show up till seven thirty or eight o'clock. Getting a couple of hundred bucks for ten hours of work was boss, and I got a lot of Raid Shadow Legends played and Reddit scoped while I sat there and collected mulla for sitting on ass.
When I arrived Tuesday of the next week, however, something had changed in my little potato cash cow.
The thing had an ear.
Doc sat me down and as the hood came off, he asked if I noticed anything different about the little blob. I looked at it critically, but couldn't really see anything different. Doc didn't really like this answer, and told me to look harder. After a few minutes of coming up with nothing, he sighed in exasperation and pointed.
“It has acquired an auditory openings for vocal registration.”
The look I gave him must have told him all he needed, because he just shook his head and tapped the tank.
“It has an ear hole.” he said, and I finally got it.
After some looking, I realized what he was talking about and he seemed pretty proud of himself.
“We've been working with chemical stimuli and had a breakthrough when it finally developed some form of communication peripheral.”
“How do you know it can hear you?”
It was his turn to look puzzled, until I pointed out that it didn't have any way to let them know if it could hear them.
“Well, it kind of wiggles around when we talk to it or play music. It hadn't done that much before, so we think it must be able to hear us.”
He left after that, and I made sure to turn the volume up on my videos so the little dude, or dudette, could listen too. It definitely bounced around a little, dancing in the water a bit as it moved around in its glass tank. I thought it was a little funny, and turned the volume way up as it wiggled and wobbled.
By the end of the week, it had two ear holes and some little baby ears to go with them. The Doc told me to take a week off after that, saying they had some experiments to run on the little thing, and I told him to call me back when he needed me. I took some time and spent a little of my money paying bills and settling debts. By the end of the week, I was praying for a call from Doc C, and Sunday night, he obliged.
“I could use a set of eyes next week, if you're free.”
I told him I'd be there, and pumped my fist in excitement. When he took the hood off monday, he was rewarded by a “whoa” of interest from yours truly. The little sucker had a toothless mouth that it seemed to be opening and closing like a fish out of water.
“I came in Sunday to find that it had grown it. It's pretty interesting stuff,” Doctor C told me, “Has it spoken to you before tonight? Some of my assistants claim it has spoken to them by way of telekinesis, but you don't seem to have suffered from any of the symptoms they've talked about.”
“Thankfully not, Doc. All the little guy does is float and make me money.”
Doc C nodded, looking thoughtful before leaving and locking me in for the night.
I had just brought my phone out to start scrolling Reddit for the night, when I heard a muffled voice from somewhere. I looked up, thinking someone was outside the door, but the door was solid wood. I looked at my phone to make sure I wasn't accidentally butt dialing someone, but thats when I heard the slight tap from in front of me. I looked up to see the little potato thing as it bumped the glass with its body, its toothless mouth forming words from behind its prison.
“Hello? Are you there?” it asked, its words muffled by the water and the glass.
I looked at it, not sure if it could even hear me when I responded, but when it floated back a little, I guessed it probably could.
“Hello, you sound different than the good doctor or his friends. Are you someone new?”
“Not really,” I said, half laughing, “I've actually been here watching you for a couple weeks.”
“Oh,” it said, very interested, “You must be the one I couldn't reach. I'm glad we can finally speak properly.”
I sat my phone down, leaning in a little closer as I watched the little brown thing float in the off color water that held it.
“What do you mean? You only just got a mouth.”
“Yes, well, there are more ways than one to communicate, aren't there? I've been trying to touch your mind for weeks, but you don't seem overly receptive to my advances. Thus, I had to find alternative means of communication if we were to speak.”
Its voice, despite being muffled by the glass, was very smart sounding. Little dude was the smartest floating potato I had ever met, though the list was just him for the moment. He sounded like the doc a little. He used a lot of big words, and sounded like he knew a lot of stuff. I put my face a little closer to the glass as I looked at him, watching him float there, and wondering what he might know?
We talked a lot that night. Well, I talked a lot. The little just kind of floated and listed, throwing something out every now and again. He wanted to know where he was, how he had come to be in a fishbowl, and what the Doc intended to do with him? I didn't know most of these things, and I told him that. He didn't seem too thrilled with that answer, but he still kept talking to me. He asked about me and what I was studying and what sort of things I liked to do. I didn't pick up my phone much that night. Instead, I told the little guy about myself and we talked for hours about nothing in particular.
The clock said it was about four am when the subject finally turned to what he really wanted.
I wish now that we had just kept talking about me.
“So, despite the fact that you cant leave this place, you could still take me out of this tank, right?”
I snorted, “Why would you want to? It's really not much better out here than in there.”
“True, but I would very much like to experience life outside my bowl. I lack hands or I would do it myself, but you could help me out.”
“Sorry, little dude,” I said, and I found that I was kinda sorry, “you're a good hang, but I promised the Doc that I wouldn't take you out. I think it was one of those papers I had to sign to get this job.”
“No one has to know,” it said, its voice kind of sneaky as it pressed its brown side against the glass, “you could take me out for just a second and then put me right back in.”
“No,” I said, looking at the door like I'd been doing something wrong, “I...I really shouldn't.”
“Please,” it begged, “You have no idea what its like to live in your own filth. Now that I have a mouth, I can constantly taste the stagnant water I live in. It's pure hell.”
“Dude, stop it. That's not cool. You know I can't take you out, I told Doc I,” but then it did the last thing I would have expected.
It started to cry.
I don't mean it was pretending to cry, the thing started loosing these tortured sounds that made me think of someone going through a bad break up. It sounded super hopeless, and it began to bump it's body against the side of the tank. I picked up my phone and tried to ignore it, but its hard listening to something just cry and cry like that. I had a room mate once who just kinda gave up after his girlfriend dumped him and he just lay on his bed and cried until his parents finally came to get him. I never saw ole dude again, but I can still hear his sobs sometimes when I close my eyes.
It was heartbreaking, and infuriating, and I wanted to console him as much as I wanted him to shut the hell up.
“Please! Please just let me out! I can't stand this anymore! I need to get out! I need to get out! I NEED TO GET OUT!”
It yelled and screamed and begged and cried for another hour and a half, and when the key turned in the lock, I was never happier to see the Doc.
Doc C looked at the little creature in the jar and asked me what had happened?
“Nothin,” I said, “It started talking after you left and then when I wouldn't let it out, it started screaming and crying.”
Far from being angry or disturbed, Doc C seemed amazed. He started studying the thing through the glass, before I reminded him that I was done for the night and needed to leave. He pulled himself away begrudgingly before handing me my money and putting the sack back over my head. I found an extra hundred in the pile that night, for my suffering I supposed, and thought about not coming back that night. The blubbering and crying had been a lot to handle, but I couldn't deny that the money was good and it was helping me pay down a lot of my outstanding debts. Another month of this, and my rent would be paid for the next year. Another two months and my credit card would be paid and I could afford that new flat screen for the living room. The things wailing had been a lot to handle, but what was a little more next to financial freedom?
I made sure to pick up some earplugs before I came back the following night and that's how I spent my next week.
In that week, the little creature grew an eye and four small fingers, two on each side of its body.
The night I arrived to find it had an eye, it told me all night how I looked like a kind person, and how it didn't understand how I could just sit here and watch it suffer. The earplugs helped a little, but it seemed like I could still hear it through the plugs. It would start out trying to talk to me, trying to flatter me, trying to reason with me, but we would always end up with it crying and me trying to ignore it. It became harder and harder as time went on, and every night seemed to be a battle to not open the tank and let it out or to just flip the table and smash its tank into a thousand pieces. In the end, it always came down to the money and I always managed to stop myself from doing something stupid.
It was a Tuesday when something I hadn't considered happened.
Tuesday night started out just like any other. Doc C brought me into the room, took off the hood, and there sat the little creature in its glass prison. It smiled at me, and I could see a couple of teeth breaking the gums. It had six fingers now and they made it look a little like a bug as they wiggled energetically. It still had only the one eye, but the beginnings of a nose had started to form under it. It was a repugnant little thing, and as the Doc left and I settled in, I kept my mind on the money, reminding myself that I just had to power through tonight.
It would be over in ten hours and I could go back to my room and sleep.
It spent the next ten hours talking, pleading, crying, and trying everything it could to gain its freedom. Well, that's not quite true. It never tried to threaten me. It probably realized that such a thing would have been pointless. It could no more have hurt me than my two year old nephew could and had decided on a different gambit. When it started its piercing wailing again, I popped the ear plugs in and shut most of it out. The plugs tuned the thing down to about a two, and made it easier to ignore. I was just thinking that I might treat myself to some really nice noise canceling headphones and forgo the tv for another week, when I saw someone familiar in a piece of Reddit News.
I almost dropped the phone as I read over the article, not sure what to make of it.
“Doctor Joseph Crandler arrested after trying to buy biological materials from an undercover agent.”
The picture showed Doc C looking very unhappy as he was led away in cuffs. He was wearing the same clothes I had seen him leave in the night before, and the article that followed didn't cheer me up. He had been buying materials from his experiments from some disreputable people, and finally he had put his trust in the wrong one, or maybe the right one, I guess. The agent had arrested him and they were holding him for questioning. I felt a cold chill as I looked over at the little freak in the tank. Was this the sort of experiment he'd been buying materials for? I had never thought to question if this thing was something the college had sanctioned or not, and now I realized that I might be part of an illegal experiment. They'd be coming for me next, me and this thing, and they'd assume I was the Egor to his Doctor Frankfurter or whatever.
As the creature wailed and thrashed, my brain started putting blocks together that it should have a few minutes ago.
My biggest problem wasn't that they would think I was involved, it was that if they didn't come and the Doc didn't come, then I would have no way out of here.
I was trapped with this little crying dude for god knew how long.
I thought about calling for help, but that could be bad too. What if they thought I was part of this? I'd have a hard time convincing them that I had nothing to do with this when they found me with the evidence. What's more, all the Doc had to say was that I was his assistant, that he had paid me, and I'd be in the same prison chow line as him. I started looking around the room for escape routes, but there was nothing but the very locked door. The little creature kept asking what was happening, but I just kept ignoring him. There were no windows, no other doors, not even a vent to squeeze into, like in the movies. All the while, the creature wailed and pleaded to be released. It knew something was wrong, and it wanted to be set free. It could help me, it could get me out of here, it could do anything as long as I would take it out of the tank.
After searching the little room again and again, I finally just sat and tried not to go crazy.
My phone will make calls, but I have no idea how to tell anyone to find me or even if they could. I tried to explain to the police what was happening, I even mentioned Doctor C, but I think the dispatcher thought I was high. They started hanging up on me when I called back, and if they trace my number, all their going to find is my dorm room, which is empty. Luckily, I have a charger on me, so I can keep calling out and trying to get someone to help me.
I checked the fridge, and there's enough bottled water and snacks in there to last for three or four days. Less if I feed this little bastard, but I'm not even sure what he eats. I've never been given any feeding instructions for him, and I'm not going to waste my food on this squalling thing. I threw a tarp over him, but it isn't doing anything to dull the screaming. It sounds like he might have grown more mouths because I can hear his shrill little voice from every angle as it bounces off the wall.
One things for sure, if it doesn't stop screaming soon, I'm going to give him some kind of release.
If it goes on much longer, I'm going to wrench the lid off that tank and stomp the life out of him.
If someone doesn’t come soon, I’m going to release him from his suffering forever.
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