Last month I got an app recommendation on my phone. I wasn’t used to getting that kind of notification, but I’d recently done a software update, so I figured it was just a new (and probably annoying) app store feature. Still, the name of the app was stupid enough I thought it was also kind of funny. It was called “Realness Talk Pro”. Out of boredom and curiosity, I hit the link and went to the app page.
It was described as a “social networking/rating app”. What it actually appeared to be from the screenshots and reviews was some kind of social metagame comprised of three components: Wildlife, The Mirror, and Realness Talk. I skimmed the reviews enough to get the impression that people thought it was really fun and funny, though a few people did seem to complain that it was mean-spirited. I couldn’t help but be intrigued, so I downloaded it and fired it up.
After an initial splash screen showing the title, you’re taken to the Wildlife tab. There are several legal disclaimers you have to click through, and then you’re given instructions on how Wildlife works. I can’t find a way to see the instructions again in the app, but I’ll reproduce them below as best I can remember:
Welcome to Realness Talk Pro! You’re already well on your way to making new friends and special connections around the world. Will you become a superstar? Only time will tell!
Your Fame level tells you how well you’re doing. You start at Fame Level One. You can go up in levels by taking candid photos of others in the Wildlife Camera, captioning the photos, and then posting them to the network. If people find your work inspiring, funny, or plain weird, they may just give you a star! If you get enough stars, you’ll go up a Fame Level, and when you get to Fame Level Five, you get access to The Mirror.
This is where the real fun starts. With the Mirror’s camera, you can submit your own selfies. But these aren’t your plain ol’ duckfaces and cat ear filters. Instead, you’ll be given specific challenges from our database. Do what the challenge says, take your selfie, and submit your photo to the network. You’ll get ten stars for completing the challenge and up to twenty more stars if other people rate your selfie high enough!
When you get to Fame Level Ten, you get access to Realness Talk, our exclusive in-app chat. You’ll finally get to talk to the new friends and fans you’ve made through your submissions, as well as get access to several Premier features reserved for our high-ranking members. So what’re you waiting for? It’s time to get real!
I started playing on February 10, 2020. Less than a month ago. It was fun at first.
Now I just want it to stop.
The first few days, I didn’t even use the app much. I took a couple of lame pictures of people at the park one day, but no one gave either of them stars, so I barely made it to Level Two. You level up a little just from taking pictures and uploading them, but who cares about that? The whole point was to post stuff that people would like. And people liked funny, cute, and interesting. I was coming up empty on all three.
Unfortunately, people also like mean.
I was in the grocery store the day after I took the pics at the park. As I rounded the corner onto the candy aisle, I saw a man bent over and reaching for something on the bottom shelf. He was older and very overweight, and it was clear he was having trouble balancing while he stretched to grab something just out of reach. I thought about asking if he needed help, but then I thought about the app and pulled out my phone instead. His face was turned away from me, so I quickly snapped a pic of his giant butt stuck up in the air as his pale, flabby arm reached for a bag of Valentine candy. Stuffing my phone back in my pocket, I went over to the next aisle. I already had the caption ready.
Be my Fattentine!
I hit send, almost immediately feeling bad that I’d done it at all. No one would know who the guy was, and it’s not like he was ever going to know he was being made fun of, but I still felt a little shitty for using him that way. I was on the way to the car when my phone began to ding. I’d made it to Level Three.
I was Level Four by the time I got home, Level Five by the next morning. I now had fifteen friends and two hundred followers. I didn’t understand the distinction at the time, but apparently if you use the app and submit stuff, you can friend other “creators”, while if you’re just going to their website to see the posts, you can subscribe to a creator as a “fan”. There was a part of me that recoiled at the whole thing—most of all, what I’d been willing to do to gain some kind of digital popularity. The morning I hit Level Five, I almost deleted the app for good.
Then I clicked over to the next tab. The Mirror.
Congratulations on reaching The Mirror! Remember, if you want to keep advancing, you have to complete selfie challenges. And don’t try faking us out with pics that don’t do what is asked. We’re always watching…j/k! But seriously, don’t cheat!
I rolled my eyes and almost switched over to check my email, but then a new notification popped up. My first challenge.
Take a selfie with a car in it.
Well, that was easy enough. I had to head into work soon anyway, so I could snap a picture in the driveway before I got in. I half-thought I’d forget about it by the time I got dressed and out the door, but instead I became preoccupied by it. I put on a nice shirt, fixed up more than usual, and took several shots in the driveway before submitting one. When I was finally ready to hit send, I found myself overwhelmed with nervousness. What if people made fun of the pic or the way I looked? Did I really want to open myself up for judgment by having strangers rate my pictures like that? My thumb started drifting toward the cancel button.
But then I thought of that guy in the grocery store. I hadn’t hesitated like that when I sent in his pic, had I? Didn’t feel bad until it was too late to take back and I’d already gotten what I wanted. Maybe it was only fair that I got a taste of what it was like to be on the other side of it. So I hit send.
By that night I was level seven.
Take a selfie with friend.
For this one, I used my friend Carlos from work. We usually ate lunch together, and the new challenge dinged my phone while we were sitting out on the office park patio. When it popped up, I was a little embarrassed to check it in front of him, but I didn’t want to wait either. Trying to be casual, I pulled up the notification and then glanced at him. There was a chance he’d make fun of me for it, but he was usually pretty cool about everything. And it was a lot more convenient that trying to find someone else, especially when I was pretty sure he’d go along with it, jokes or not.
“Carlos, you mind taking a selfie with me? It’s for this dumb game app I’ve been playing some. It says take a selfie with a friend.”
He paused mid-chew and raised an eyebrow. Swallowing his bite of sandwich, he gave a slight shrug. “Um, yeah sure. What kind of thing is it?”
I showed him the screen. “It’s called Realness Talk Pro. Terrible name, right? And it’s kind of dumb I guess, but it’s like a game really. You take pictures of people, then you level up and can do selfie challenges. This is my second one.”
He nodded slowly. “Weird. Okay, yeah.” Smiling, he leaned closer while I held out my phone and snapped a pic using The Mirror Camera. He glanced at me questioningly as he pulled back. “You sure that’s secure? I mean, I know you’re posting it and all, but are you being careful? Don’t post stuff that tells too much about you. People are crazy, you know?”
I rolled my eyes and nodded. “Yes, Dad. I know. I’m not dumb. I’m being careful.”
He gave me a mocking pat on the head. “Just making sure. I don’t want to be interviewed on one of those crime documentaries.” Grinning, he started telling me about a movie he saw over the weekend, but I was only half-paying attention. I’d already submitted the pic and it had been approved. Ten stars! Before lunch was over, I’d already gotten three more from friends or fans. Then another eight stars by that evening, which was enough to push me over into Fame Level Ten and unlock Realness Talk.
There was no further announcement this time, but the third tab lit up and I could now use the chat program to talk with people in a variety of lobbies, including one that had already been created for me. When I realized that I had my own chat lobby, I felt a swell of embarrassed panic. No one was going to come in there. No one wanted to talk to me. Sure, I had a few hundred “fans” now, but what were we going to talk about? That I took a picture of a fat guy and my work friend? I was…
Five friends have joined the chat.
Eight fans and two friends have joined the chat.
Twenty-nine fans and seven friends have joined the chat.
By the end of the first hour, there were nearly a hundred people in my personal chatroom. We were talking, they were asking me questions, telling me funny stories, complimenting my hair, my car, my creativity, my beauty. I’d expected it to be awkward and depressing, but it was just the opposite. It was dozens and dozens of people who had seen some of me and liked what they seen. Wanted to see more. They were all so nice and it seemed very genuine. When I finally logged off at two in the morning, they made me promise I’d come back the next night and tell them how my day had been. I said I would, and not only did I mean it, but I could barely sleep for wanting it to already be the next night. It had all felt so good, and not weird at all, which was surprising. In fact, the only odd comment I remembered from like six hours of chat was this one guy that just repeated the same thing twice in all caps.
THAT WISEST OMEN.
You: Huh? What’s that mean? Is that from a movie?
No response, but about five minutes later:
THAT WISEST OMEN.
And then they were gone.
Still, people said and did weird stuff on the internet. He probably wouldn’t come back, and if he did, I could always figure out how to kick or block him from my chat. I really wanted it to be a good experience for people. Give them a chance to talk to me without it being interrupted by weirdos. I owed it to my fans.
I was already thinking about what I should talk about that night as I walked out into my driveway. Maybe I should make a list of topics, though I didn’t want it to come across as overly-scripted either. I could just write down…I stopped and stared at my car, not understanding at first what I was seeing.
Someone had smeared shit all over the windshield and hood of my car. Not bird or cat poop either—there were huge clumps that could have been from a horse or a cow, but looked more…well, they looked like they came from a person. And written in the drying filth that filmed over the glass, was a short message.
I C U
ICU? I see you? What the fuck?
I called the police, and they came and did a report, but I could tell they didn’t take it very seriously. Said it was probably kids. There’d been vandalism reports in parts of the city lately. When I asked if there’d been anything out in the suburbs like that, and in my area in particular, they glanced at each other and admitted no, not as much. But, one of them offered, they were starting to get more complaints about homeless people that were behaving strangely, not just in the inner city but even out this far. He then lamely asked if I’d seen any odd-acting homeless people loitering about lately.
I just stared at them in frustration and disbelief. “Um no. I haven’t seen any hobos climbing on top of cars to take a shit.”
The officer flushed red as his lips thinned. “Well, Miss, keep an eye out. You can pick up a copy of your report by Friday.” He glanced at his partner. “I think we’re done here.”
I didn’t get to work until about eleven-thirty, and when Carlos poked his head in to ask about lunch, I told him I was going to skip today. He nodded with a frown, hesitating in my doorway as he studied me.
“What’s wrong? You feeling okay?”
I glanced up at him and nodded. “Yeah…I…No. Somebody fucked with my car last night. Or this morning.” I felt myself tearing up and glanced away. “They…someone shit on my car. Shit on it and wrote I see you on the windshield. Or the letters anyway.”
His eyes went wide as he came in and shut the door. “Fuck. Did you call the cops?”
“Yeah, they weren’t helpful at all. But then I don’t know what they can do. I have no idea who would do something like that, and I doubt anyone saw anything.”
“I mean, I guess, but can’t they do DNA on it or something?”
I sniffed and gave a small laugh. “I asked that too. They basically said in so many words that they don’t have the resources to test poop on a car.” I waved my hand. “Which I guess is fair. But that doesn’t help me any.” I looked back at him. “I’m kind of freaked out right now.”
He gave me a sympathetic frown. “No doubt.” Pausing, he seemed hesitant to say more. Finally, he pushed ahead. “Have you pissed anyone off lately? Gone out with some weird dude or yelled at someone at the grocery store or whatever?”
I frowned and shook my head. “No, I don’t think so. I’m pretty boring, and I don’t really have any enemies that I know of. And I haven’t had anything strange happen except for that.”
He raised an eyebrow. “Not even online? No social media trolls, no arguments, no nothing?” His eyes lit up. “What about that weird app game thing? Do people know who you are on that?”
I shrugged. “I mean they know my username. And I’ve taken pictures, of course. And I’ve told some people…people in my chat, some things about me, but that was just last night. And I don’t know of any of them that would do something like this. They’ve all been so nice. None of them were even weird, except for this one guy that just yelled a couple of times and then signed off.”
Carlo looked concerned. “What did the guy say?”
I shrugged. “Something about an omen. Here, I think I saved the chat log.” I pulled up the chat on my phone and handed it to Carlos. “See, it’s there at the top, and then he says the exact same thing again a few minutes later. That’s all he ever said. But it’s just weird nonsense.”
He looked at my phone for a few seconds before pulling out his own. “Maybe. But let me check something.” When he saw me staring at him, he added. “I think it could be an anagram.”
I sat back in my chair. “That where you can swap the letters around to make different words?”
Carlos nodded. “Yeah.” He started tapping something into his phone. “About five years ago, my Mom was in chemotherapy, and sometimes I’d be the one to take her. It was always boring, and we’d carry stuff to read or play cards or whatever. But one thing she really got into was word jumbles. I’d get these books full of pages of jumbled up letters or weird combinations of words that you were supposed to rearrange to make other words or phrases. Sometimes it was just about seeing how many words you could make using all the letters. Other times it would be filling in blanks in a sentence, so you’d have to find a word or phrase that would make sense.” He smiled a little at the memory, but I could see sadness on his face too. We’d never talked about it much, but I knew his mother had passed away before I met him. He blinked and shook his head. “Anyway, not all the books had answers in the back. And for those I’d use this website that will show you anagrams for whatever you put in.”
He tapped the screen on his phone a last time and then looked at me again. “If we got stuck on one for too long, I’d look it up so we could see what we’d overlooked. If you don’t know what you’re doing, you can get super-long lists that are still kind of nonsense, though they are technically words—just not stuff that goes together or in that order.” He looked down and read his phone for a few seconds. “But I got good at using the filters, and this website is better than most at letting you focus on things that would make sense. From there, you can see if any of them fit the context you’re looking for. A lot of times, one jumps out that feels right.” He puffed out a breath. “Like this. Look at the third one down.”
He handed me his phone, and I could see that he had done a search on the website for “that wisest omen”, narrowing it down so it only had fifteen results. Reading the list, my heart started pounding when I made it to the third.
not what it seems
I looked back to him, my eyes wide. “Not what it seems? You think someone was trying to warn me or something?”
He shrugged. “I don’t know. But it’s creepy, right? And you don’t know anyone else that might mess with you. It know it sounds far-fetched, but maybe it is someone connected to the app.” He went back to poking at my phone. “I mean, this thing doesn’t even say what company makes it. The only credit I can find says ‘Database Author: Zephyr Toils’. What does that even mean?”
Frowning, I shook my head. “No. I think we’re just seeing this because we’re looking for a conspiracy. What about the first result? ‘Eat whets inmost’? Why couldn’t it be an anagram of that? Or why does it have to be an anagram at all? It could just be some weird bullshit some kid said on a chat and…” I realized I was yelling and made myself stop. Rubbing my face, I looked back at Carlos. “Shit, I’m sorry. I’m freaked out and I shouldn’t be taking it out on you. You’re trying to help.”
He smiled at me. “No worries. I get it. And I’m probably wrong. It’s no great mystery. People vandalize stuff and do weird shit all the time. Just be careful, okay? Not saying to get paranoid, but…just be careful. And any time you want to talk about it, just know I’m here to listen and give you weird theories. But it’s probably nothing to worry about.”
I gave him a small laugh and nodded. “I hope you’re right.”
I was heading back to my car that afternoon when my phone dinged. When I saw it was a new Mirror challenge, I felt my stomach twist slightly. Enough of that for now. I stuffed the phone back in my purse and started driving home, determined I was going to leave my phone on silent for the rest of the night.
Then I remembered the chat. I was supposed to be back on tonight. I could skip it, but if I didn’t come back on when I promised I would, maybe people wouldn’t show up the next time I got on. And if I was going to use the app tonight anyway, I might as well see what the challenge was. If it was easy enough, I might even be able to do it before I got home. It’d give me something fun to talk about tonight if nothing else.
Stopping at the next red light, I got my phone and read the challenge:
Take a five-minute video with The Mirror Camera outside a hospital. Talk about dinosaurs!
I laughed a little. This was so dumb. But it was also harmless. I appreciated Carlos trying to help, but this silly app wasn’t behind someone messing with my car. It was just goofy fun. And as luck would have it, I had to go by a hospital on my route home from work anyway.
So fifteen minutes later I was standing outside the main entrance of the county hospital, ignoring the odd looks I was getting as I rambled about how stegosauruses had two brains and how it was weird that people imagined dinosaurs with feathers now. I wanted to talk quietly, but to make sure I got the hospital and its name in the shot, I had to stand close to the circular driveway that people used for dropping off and picking up non-emergency patients, which meant that I was having to talk over cars’ mufflers and people’s idle chit chat as they came to and fro. I was only three minutes in and running out of material, so I started talking about the old Jurassic Park movies versus the new ones.
That’s when the world exploded.
An older sedan had been pulling around to the entrance when something heavy slammed onto its roof and caved it in. Glass sprayed out in every direction as the car’s windows burst with a bang that mingled with the squeal of metal and plastic as the top of the car crumpled. This was followed by a second, quieter bang as the car swerved into one of the cement columns outside the entrance.
I looked down to see I was bleeding from several spots on my stomach and arms, and I had the cloudy thought that all that glass made me look like an ice porcupine. I was giddy with shock for the moment, and so instead of worrying about my injuries, I looked back up to see what had caused the car to crumple like an invisible giant had brought down its foot.
That’s when I saw another foot, this one dangling at an odd angle off the ragged ruin of the car’s roof. I had time to recognize what I was seeing, and then I was falling, lost somewhere in the dark.
“How’re you feeling?”
I glanced around the room, fighting my way out of the dim stupor I’d been in for the last ten minutes or so. I was in a hospital room. A hospital bed. This woman, some nurse or doctor, had been checking my eyes and blood pressure. And now she was talking to me? Asking how I was doing. How was I doing?
“I’m okay. Grog…I’m still woozy I think. What happened.”
The pleasant but detached smile fell from her face. “You were in an accident. Or you were next to one, at least. You got caught in the…well, the shrapnel, I guess.” Her eyes widened some. “But don’t worry, you’ll be okay. It was mainly glass and plastic shards. You’ve got a few stitches, but you should be right as rain soon enough.”
It was hard to focus on her words at first, but as the memory of what had happened returned to me, I felt my mind begin to resharpen. “A man. A man fell onto a car, didn’t he?”
The woman froze for a moment and then nodded. “Yes. But don’t worry about that. You just get rest.”
I pushed myself up a little, noticing for the first time that I had bandages on my arms. I could feel more wrapped around my torso too. “But…how? Did he jump from the roof?”
The woman glanced toward the door and then back to me. When she spoke, it was in a lower voice. “No. He went out a window on the fifteenth floor. Police are still up there now. They won’t say it wasn’t a suicide, but I can tell you it wasn’t.”
I frowned. “Huh? Why?”
The woman studied me for a moment before sighing. “Well, it’s not like you won’t hear it on your own. The guy that got killed? He was catatonic. Has been here for months. And he hadn’t improved. In fact, they’d just moved him back into intensive care last week because his vitals were dropping off. So he sure…”
Everything was buzzing around me and nothing made sense. “Sorry. What did you say? Where did he fall from?”
She blinked. “Oh. The ICU. That’s what I’m saying…”
It was another five minutes before she finished her poking and prodding. According to her, I should be released the next morning, but I wasn’t sure I wanted to be. Sure, someone had probably been murdered there a few hours earlier, but at least there were police here now. They even had an officer out at the nurses’ station on my floor. But once I got out, I’d be alone again.
I felt my phone buzz against my leg. The woman, she said her name was Lori, had given me back the phone before leaving me alone. She said the channel selection on the hospital t.v.s were crap and she knew how everyone wanted to be on their phone nowadays. Just to not stay up too late poking at it, because I needed some rest.
Good luck with that. I was wide-awake now, and while the police were supposedly sending a detective to talk to me at some point, it hadn’t happened yet. I didn’t want to be asleep if they came. I needed to tell them about my windshield, the app, even the odd chat message Carlos thought could be an anagram.
I still didn’t know for sure that the app was connected to any of it. But I was done taking anything for granted. It couldn’t be a coincidence that I had “ICU” written on my windshield the same day an ICU patient is killed in front of me. And I was only at the hospital because of that fucking app.
I stared at it on my phone’s home screen. Realness Talk Pro. Such a stupid fucking name. I should have known it was something shady just from that. But there are so many dumb sounding apps now. It’s almost like people just pick random words and mix them to…
My mouth was suddenly bone dry as I opened my browser. I couldn’t remember Carlo’s anagram site at first, but after poking around a few search links I found one that looked the same. And I entered in the app name.
Realness Talk Pro
A little wheel spun for a few moments as some distant server pondered the question. When it was done, it spat out a list of forty-five different word combinations. I didn’t make it past the first one. Because much like the puzzles Carlos used to do with his mother, you knew when you found the right one.
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