Mathis met my eyes, an embarrassed smile flickering across his face. “I know how this sounds. I do. But as my hands brushed against them, I could feel the tips…the roots…of thousands or millions of teeth stacked on their sides like tiny bricks, all facing outward like a mouth turned inside out. I could see more now—it wasn’t bright in there, but there was a kind of glow in the air, or maybe my eyes just got used to the dark.”
“Then there was light…real light…crawling through the gaps in the teeth, coming in from something outside that was getting closer. I put my eyes up to different holes, but I couldn’t see anything more than moving shadows. So I put my ear against the wall instead, and I could hear someone talking. The air was so thick in that place, it was like it made the words slow to travel, and even those that reached me seemed distorted and strange. But there were two voices I think. And they were talking about killing an animal.”
I spasmed awake, the disorientation of the fading dream quickly being replaced by grateful relief. Looking around the room, I confirmed the reality of things—my bedroom in my house, just as I remembered it. And I could hear distant stirrings from the kitchen that must be Carrie.
Entering the kitchen, I saw her sitting at the bar groggily sipping coffee. She smiled at me and I nodded with a grunt as I headed for the coffee pot. Behind me I heard her snicker.
“You look like I feel. I woke up this morning with the distinct impression that I’m too fucking old to go out drinking any more.”
I nodded without thinking about it. “Yeah, we slept late, didn’t we?” Turning around, I blew on the coffee before taking a sip. “And I didn’t sleep too great.” I glanced at Carrie before looking away, but not quick enough to miss her deepening frown.
“Are you okay? Were you sick during the night or something? You really do look kinda bad.”
I nodded again, staring down at the black pool in my cup. “Yeah, I…I think so yeah. I just had a really weird dream. It was about Mathis.” I glanced up at her. “Mathis talking to me about some creepy bullshit.”
Carrie raised an eyebrow. “Your brother? Weird. Want to tell me about it?”
Shrugging, I sat the coffee down. “It was just…him coming to visit, you know? Like he hadn’t disappeared when I was a kid. Just came up and started talking to me. Telling me…” I heard my voice grow thin as my throat grew tight. “Oh…fuck.” I blinked as I felt the ground sway slightly beneath me. Meeting her eyes again, I expelled the next words like poison escaping a broken tomb.
“I don’t…I don’t think that was a dream. Or it was, but it wasn’t just a dream. It was a dream of a memory.”
Her eyes widened. “What? You mean like something you remember from when you were little? Before your brother was gone?”
I shook my head violently, as though the motion might my dispel my growing fear and certainty. “No…I was grown…I don’t think it was that long ago. Maybe six months or a year ago.” My gaze was pleading as I found her face again. “How is that possible? How can I have forgotten seeing my missing brother just a few months ago?”
Carrie got up and moved around the bar to me. Putting one arm around me, she rubbed the other comfortingly on my chest. “Sweetie, it’s not. I think I’d remember it too, right? Either I would have seen him or you would have told me about it. It’d be a really big deal. I think the dream just has you confused.”
I frowned down at her. “Maybe. I mean, that makes sense. But the memory is so strong now. It’s like it was always there and I just couldn’t see it.”
She nodded. “Dreams are like that sometimes. I’ve had dreams where I was flying or paddling a boat in the ocean, and for awhile after I woke up, I’d swear they were real. It’ll pass. Just try to not let it freak you out too much.” Glancing over at the oven clock, she muttered a curse. “I’ve got to go get ready or I’ll be late again. Call me if you need me, okay?” I returned her quick kiss as I looked at the clock. I needed to get moving too.
I’ve worked as a pharmaceutical rep for the past three years, and most weeks were divided between road days and office days. That day was a road day, so I had plenty of time to think about my dream and whether it was based on something real. What Carrie had said was the most reasonable explanation, but I couldn’t make it fit with what I felt. I sat in interstate traffic, crushed between road construction behind and an accident a mile up, combing through that memory—the memory, not the memory of the dream. They were two distinct things in my mind, even though they were almost identical.
I remembered the dream last night, but I also had the memory of Mathis coming to our house a few months ago when Carrie was away visiting her brother. He’d told me he didn’t have much time. That he never did. That he needed to tell me what he could before he was gone again.
What he told me—of being trapped in a strange hell with various rooms and terrors—it made no sense. I remember thinking, in the real version, that he must be on drugs. That would explain why he’d disappeared without a word so many years before. But something kept nagging me, both in the memory and as I sat sweating in the sweltering heat of my car’s laboring air conditioning.
He’d come to visit me before.
Once I had the thought, it was as though a door had opened in my mind…or maybe more like a closed wound had come undone. It was painful and hard to handle, the sudden sense that out in the dark other memories lay waiting. Waiting like sharp bits of precious stone that were priceless and demanded collection, but that would cut and bleed me every time I reached out and grasped them.
I fumbled in that dark as I went through the rest of my day like a sleepwalker, and when Carrie asked me how my day went, I lied and told her it was fine. That I was just tired and was going to head to bed early. That much was true—I felt drained. But I also hoped that I would find more asleep than I had in the waking world.
“Hey Pete.”
I jerked up at the voice suddenly by my elbow. The lab…the entire science building…had been empty when I got there an hour before. I’d planned on finishing this chem assignment in the next thirty minutes, and be gone, but now I’d have to waste time chit-chatting with…The thought died as my eyes found the man standing next to me.
“M-Mathis?”
He nodded and smiled. “Yeah, man.” Pulling me into an awkward hug, he patted my back briefly before pulling away. “I know this is weird. Do you remember me coming before?”
I frowned at him. “Before? When?”
His smile fell away as he shook his head slightly. “It doesn’t matter. Not much time. Just try to remember this time, okay?” He glanced around the large classroom. “You’re in college now, huh?”
I nodded. “Um, yeah…man, where have you been? Mom and Dad are going to flip out! We need to…”
Mathis’ expression grew hard and he gripped my arm painfully. “No. You don’t tell them anything. Jesus, you really don’t remember anything, do you?” Seeming to catch himself, he let me go and took a step back. “Sorry. I…keep getting sent back to you. I’m trying to help you, but I don’t know if I can. It all spins round and round, you know?”
I shook my head. “Are you on something?”
He smirked at me. “No. You always ask that. But we don’t have time for this. You need to listen. I’ll give you as much detail as I can before I’m gone again. Just listen, okay?”
I nodded and he began.
I didn’t just go missing. I was taken. Our parents…they aren’t good people, Pete. They’re into…well, they’re into bad stuff. Evil stuff. I don’t mean like they’re drug dealers. They’re into black magic or…well…I don’t know how it really works.
What I do know is that they’ve made a deal with some…thing. Mom told me that much when they took me. Just gagged me one night when I was asleep in bed and carried me off to the woods. At first I thought it was some weird prank or they’d gone crazy—they were talking in some language I didn’t understand and the place they’d brought me had been prepared with circles of rocks and candles and…other things…it’s hard to remember all of it, but it was horrible what they’d done. I…
The eye…it was like an eye opened in the night of the world. A bright cut in the dark near me—inside that inner circle of white stones. At first it was small, but it got bigger and bigger, and then something came through. Just a little—just enough to grab me and pull me in.
Pete, I’ve been trapped with that thing for so long. I don’t know time any more…everything seems endless now, but worse than that is the looping. I feel like I can see reflections of myself living through this over and over with slight variations…sometimes it feels like that’s all I can see. I remember so much. Hell, I remember times like this, when I’m sent to you, the strongest. I remember having versions of this conversation…some in this very room…so many fucking times. Memories of memories of memories, all full of terror and pain and the reminder that the prison never ends. That there are no doors, only walls.
And those walls form a never-ending circle.
I gasped like a fish as I shuddered awake in the pre-dawn blue of the world. Carrie was still asleep beside me, and I felt sure my ragged breaths and shaking would wake her, but she didn’t stir. After a few calming moments, I eased from the bed and walked unsteadily to the bathroom. Sitting on the closed toilet seat, I held my face and softly cried as I tried to ease my mind.
That hadn’t just been a dream. I remembered Mathis finding me when I was a junior in college. That had been, what? Ten years ago? And yet I didn’t remember it until now.
And what he was saying…about everything looping, about our parents…that couldn’t be true. That wasn’t the real world. There weren’t really demons, and sure, some crazy people might be in cults or whatever, but our parents were normal, nice, boring people. I hadn’t kept in touch with them as much lately as I should, but growing up we were close. And I think I’d know if they’d done something to Mathis. It was crazy bullshit.
And yet…I didn’t want to call or text them now any more than I had six months ago when he’d visited or ten years ago when he’d found me in that lab. I’d never talked to them, or anyone, about the times he visited me.
Because it’s all in your head, dumbass. You’re getting twisted over fucking dreams.
The voice in my head was my own—harsh and condescending. It was also lying. These weren’t just dreams. This happened. And there was more.
I woke up to a hand over my mouth. There was a moment of panicked fear and then I heard Mathis’ voice in my ear. He was back? What was going on? I blinked in the dark as I tried to sit up. He placed his other hand gently on my shoulder to keep me in place as he whispered again.
“No, Pete. Stay still for now. Still and quiet. Just listen.”
“They’re coming for you soon. Pete, it’s our parents. They’re bad people. They’re bad and they took me…shit, how old are you?” His hand lifted slightly from my mouth. “Whisper it.”
My breath shook as I puffed out the words. “I’m fif-fifteen. What is…” The words were muffled as his hand clamped back down tighter. When he spoke again, it was more as though he was talking to himself.
“Fuck. Five years. It…it doesn’t matter. Time is a lie. Time is a lie.” His voice broke as he choked back a sob, and when he spoke again, it sounded like he was crying. “Pete, they took me. Gave me to this terrible thing that lives in a terrible, terrible place. And now they’re coming for you. I know none of this makes sense. But you have to believe me. When I let you up, you need to get dressed and you need to run. Get away from them. I know that sounds scary, but you were always a smart kid. Get somewhere safe and find people you can trust. Tell them Mom and Dad abuse you, whatever lie you need to make up to keep them from getting you again. If they do…you’ll…you’ll wind up stuck like I am.”
Mathis tensed as the floor outside my door let out a soft creak.
“Honey, are you listening?”
I looked up at Carrie, who sat across from me, her eyes red-rimmed and wet with tears. “Um, yeah, sorry baby. What were you asking?”
She sniffled. “I…I was asking what you thought we should do. Mom said Ruffles is suffering, right? And I know it’s selfish to keep him alive. He’s lived a really long time for a dog, even a little one. But…he was my dog growing up. She want me to decide, and I don’t know what to…” Her face crumpled as she began to cry harder, and I pulled her against my chest, holding her tight as another sob came.
“I know, baby. It’s hard. But like you said, he’s had a long, good life. And it’s not the end, is it? Things don’t just stop. Even if Ruffles isn’t here anymore, that doesn’t mean he doesn’t go on. I don’t have all the answers, but I believe that things go
“on and on. It seems like it’s filled with so much. For a long time I felt like I was moving forward, making progress. Seeing new rooms and places and people and lives. Filled with so many things. But it’s not really. It’s just a circle filled with smoke and light and shadows. It took me a long time to understand that. A long time to reach the edge of that place and find the walls…or really just one wall that loops forever.” Mathis reached out to grab my hand, his touch and words terrible in their momentary comfort and confirmation. “I’ve touched the edge of the prison so many times now, Pete. For a while I thought that wall was made out of time itself, but that’s wrong.” He swallowed, his lowered eyes bulging with concentration. “Time is a lie.”
