“Don’t…don’t meet his eyes…”
Those were the last words Jeffery said to me before he died. I went to ask him what he was talking about, what and who he meant, but I could see that the last ember of life had already faded from his eyes as his face began to slacken. I looked around. No one else had seen or heard—we’d gone to his secluded house by design--his design. And whatever he’d planned for me, I felt sure it was going to happen here, tonight. It had all happened so fast, but I couldn’t be mistaken, right? I’d seen what he’d written and sent. And if he hadn’t planned on doing it before I got my phone back and was tipped off by the responses, then what was the point?
No. No, I’d done the only thing I could. Standing up from where Jeffery lay at the bottom of the stairs, head cracked open and spilling a trickle of red at the edge of his hair, I noticed its color was slowly changing from a soft brown to a slick black as the blood soaked in. I’d hit him with a small paperweight I’d grabbed from his desk, causing him to stumble back into the hall and fall down the stairs.
I’d just run back upstairs to send Sadie a message, but he’d have known I might have seen what he’d written, and I couldn’t risk him attacking me without having some kind of weapon on hand, even if it was just a small but heavy glass globe. I also couldn’t accuse him of anything. We were alone, after all, and if I let on I knew he was up to…well, nothing good, he could overpower and kill me. On the other hand, if I could just get to the front door, make up some excuse to go back out to the car, I could be away before he ever had a chance to hurt me.
I’d tried to just get out. But when I’d first looked up, I saw something pass over his face as his eyes went from me to the phone in my hand and back. And in the few seconds it took for me to palm the glass ball and walk toward him, I’d watched his face pale and then redden slightly as his features took on a harder edge. It was a face that said the decision had already been made, and now it was just a matter of doing what needed to be done. When he had reached for me…it wasn’t my fault. I’d just been defe…
I started to retch then, not from nausea, but from something small and hard suddenly digging into the back of my throat. I turned away from him and coughed before gagging again. What was it? How had something gotten in my mouth in the first place? Tears streamed from the corners of my eyes as blood pounded in my ears, and I coughed harder as I reached in two fingers to try and pry loose whatever was wedged into the back of my throat. I had a moment of panic when my fingertips only managed to brush the edge of something cool, hard and angular nestled above the writhing root of my tongue. Shoving my hand in further, I got deep enough to press down on whatever it was and rake it forward, spilling it from my mouth with a quick shake of my head. It twinkled as it bounced on the hardwood floor before coming to rest in a patch of pale moonlight.
It was a small silver key.
October 21, 2021. 3:21p.m.
Me: Sorry, I’m running late. Just parking now.
Jeffery: No problem! I just sat down. I’m the nervous looking guy in the striped shirt sitting on the patio.
Me: Lol! Brt
October 21, 2021. 8:17p.m.
Jeffery: Just wanted to say again how great it was to meet you. Looking forward to next weekend.
Me: Me too! I was nervous about being set up with somebody, but I think Sadie did pretty awesome;)
Jeffery: Yeah, I owe her! Lol. Talk to you soon.
October 31, 2021. 2:25p.m.
Me: Happy Halloween!
Jeffery: Happy Halloween to you! Sorry I had to call it quits so early last night. I promise once I’m back in town in two weeks I’m going to be bugging you non-stop.
Me: Looking forward to it. Have a good flight!
November 16, 2021. 10:49a.m.
Me: I just got the flowers. They’re really pretty!
Jeffery: Good! Not too much? I know it’s weird getting stuff at work sometimes, but I wanted it to be a surprise.
Me: No, I like surprises, and this was a good one. I was going to call you later anyway. You want to go to an outdoor concert thing this weekend?
Jeffery: We can, yeah. That sounds cool. And I’d like to show you my house too if you’re up for it. They finally finished the remodeling while I was out of town so it’s actually liveable. I even have the hot tub working if its not too cold.
Me: Sounds great!
November 20, 2021. 9:23p.m.
Me: I’m sorry. I’m sorry to do this in your house. I really liked you, but it won’t work out. Nothing ever works out for me. I’ll try not to make too much of a mess. I’m sorry.
Novmember 19, 2021. 8:58p.m.
Sadie: So you going out with Mr. Awesome again tomorrow still, or do I get some hang time with you?
Me: Sorry, yeah! I’m excited about tomorrow. He’s invited me to visit his house after the concert.
Sadie: Oh I see. Well if you’re getting laid that’s a good excuse.:p
Me: Shut up! I didn’t say that!
Sadie: Didn’t deny it either, slut!:p
Me: Just for that, I’m not telling you any details.
Sadie: No fair. You know I live vicariously through your adventures.
Me: Mmmhmm. We’ll see.
November 20, 2021. 9:24p.m.
Me: I’m sorry, Sadie. You know how I’ve struggled with this for so long. You’ve tried to help and I love you for it. But I can’t keep living like this. When you hear about how I died, just know it was my choice and none of it was your fault.
I stared down at the phone.
I hadn’t wrote this. Not this message or the one to Jeffery. And I’d had my phone with me until he took it into his home office to charge it while we changed and went down to the hot tub. It…It had to be him. But why? Why would he send messages to himself and to Sadie like…what? I was going to kill myself? Was it some kind of joke? But what kind of joke was that? Sadie would be terrified. She knew I wasn’t suicidal, but she’d still think something was wrong, maybe even enough to call the cops if…if she knew where I was. Did she know his address? They’d been friends through the gym for the last couple of years, but did she know him that well? If something happened to me, would she even know where to look?
My jumbled train of terrified thoughts shuddered and leapt off into some internal dark as I heard a sound behind me. A small squeak from a floorboard near the door. I’d heard it when Jeffery came in to plug up my phone, and then again when I came in just now and…I looked back.
Jeffery was staring at me, his face pale as his eyes went from me to the phone in my hand and back to my face. Heart pounding, I tried to give him a smile, hand trailing across the desk for a weapon as I started turning toward him. I touched the small glass globe and gripped it tightly, willing his eyes to stay on my face as I told him I was excited to try out the hot tub. He didn’t look down, but my stomach was still twisting in on itself. His face…oh God, he knew. He knew or he at least worried that I knew and his face was growing hard and he was reaching for me and all I knew to do was…
…reach down and pick up the key. It was plain and unadorned, but surprisingly heavy, and despite having come from halfway down my throat, it felt totally dry as I hefted it in my palm. Had he somehow drugged me and stuffed that down my throat? But no, I wasn’t missing any time or memory. And it hadn’t been there before Jeffery fell down the stairs. There was no way I wouldn’t have felt it. So then…
“That’s mine!”
I let out a scream at the voice booming behind me. Spinning around, I saw a tall, thin naked man standing on the other side of the foyer, looking at me and—
Don’t meet his eyes.
I dropped my eyes at the last moment, more out of instinct than any fully-formed reason or thought. I didn’t understand anything that was going on, but something in me was whispering that I couldn’t look into this man’s eyes or I’d be lost.
“Give me my key, bitch. Give it to me or I’ll make you suffer.”
My first impulse was to throw the key at him, both to give him what he wanted and hopefully distract him long enough that I could get out the front door and get away. Jeffery had driven us up here, but I’d seen a house a couple of miles down the road, and anything was better than staying in here with this madman yelling at me and I should just give him the key shouldn’t I?
But I hesitated. Was that the right thing to do, the smart thing to do? What was the key for? And where had the key and the man come from? What if giving him the key was the wrong choice? My tongue felt thick in my throat as I kept my eyes on the pale, hairy belly that lay between a rib-stretched chest and a withered grey member.
“Um…I…no, I don’t think I can. I don’t know what’s going on. Who are you?” I felt the instinct to look up at him while I talked, to see what I could read from his face, but I stopped myself. “What are you doing here?”
His laughter poured out into the dim space between us like a poison cloud. “I’m here to get my key, you dim mewling cunt. It was with him, prat that he was, and now you’ve killed him and claimed it. Now give it to me and I’ll be on my way.” He hacked up something thick and wet sounding and spat the dark wad onto the floor between us. “If you make me stay, I promise you’ll regret it.”
I was shaking now with anger and disgust, but most of all, fear. Gritting my teeth, I clenched the key tightly and headed for the door. “You stay or go. I’m leaving.” As I began stepping outside to run, I dreaded the moment when he reached for me and drug me back inside. Those long, spindly fingers wrapping around my shoulders and neck as he pulled me down and breathed his noxious laugh into my ear.
But he never touched me. Instead he just screamed, screamed that I would pay, oh how I would pay. I began to run, but his voice was already fading, and not just from the growing distance. Within a matter of moments, the sound of him had faded to nothing. I was down on the road and jogging back toward the direction of town when I first realized that the key was changing too. Becoming lighter, more insubstantial. As I held it up in the moonlight, I began to see light through it, and then it faded further as it slowly sank down into my skin.
I stared at all this transfixed, my amazement stealing away my terror for just a moment. Was I dreaming all this? Or maybe he had slipped me something after all. Oh God, had he poisoned me? I started thinking about calling 911 when I remembered the strange man I’d just left behind. I had to get away and get somewhere safe. Then I could worry about who I was going to call and what I would tell them.
I glanced back in the direction I’d come and sucked in a breath as I saw the figure of the man twenty feet behind me on the road, his form partially obscured by shadows from the nearby woods. Keeping my eyes low, I began backing up.
“Keep the fuck away from me!”
With each step I took backward, he took one forward, and when I stumbled and paused a second, so did he. What was this? Some kind of sick game? Whatever it was, I had to get away before he got tired of playing.
Taking off running again, I made it down the hill before a hot stitch began tracing its burning tendrils up my side. I needed to pace myself. I had probably another mile to go before I got to the first house, but at least I hadn’t heard any sign of...I’d glanced back.
The man was still back there, spindly limbs flailing silently as he kept my pace. There was no sound to him anymore—not his breath or footfalls, or even the bitter rumble of his laughter as I stopped and began to scream at him to stop. The only relief was that he had stopped when I did. Just as soon as I did, in fact.
A thought occurred to me and I took a step forward. Toward him.
He took a step back.
I didn’t quite dare to look at his face, but I saw his chest was still now aside from a steady rhythm of heavy breaths. No more laughter, silent or otherwise, from him now.
Clenching my fists, I took three more running steps forward and he backpedaled just as quickly. When I backed up again, he came forward the first couple of steps and then stopped. When I put more distance between us this time, the man let the greater space remain. Holding my hand up to block the top part of his face, I risked a look at his mouth. He seemed to seethe with anger for a moment, but then his mouth went slack before mouthing out a word as he gave me a wave.
Later.
He didn’t follow me to the house I found, and as I frantically beat on the door, I kept waiting for him to pop back up, but there was no sign of him. Still, I wasn’t taking any chances, and when a confused and irritated-looking old woman opened the door, I pushed passed her, telling her to close the door, that I needed to call 911. I didn’t wait to ask for her phone or try to explain what a girl in a one-piece was doing banging on the door in the middle of the night. I just needed her to lock the door and keep it closed while I…
I had a missed text message.
November 20, 2021. 10:51p.m.
Sadie: Please tell me I’m not too late! I just got this message. I know you’ve been talking about ending things, but like I always say, you have so much to live for! Please be okay and CALL ME when you get this!
I didn’t see her for the next month.
Not that Sadie hadn’t tried to call and text, even come by my house and job. She had. She tried to play it off like she was confused. Like she didn’t know. Like I was stupid.
But I wasn’t stupid. And to be fair, I’d been busy. The police had questioned me three times, but they could see the messages, and while bizarre, my story of him planning on killing me and making it look like a suicide was the only real version they had. I could have told them that Sadie had been in on it from the start, that I’d never talked to her or anyone else about killing myself, but that would have just made them look into it more, and that didn’t help me. I needed Sadie out and free, and when the time came, ready to meet. That was the day before Christmas Eve, at a park we used to eat lunch at back when we worked together after college.
I felt a pain in my chest when I saw her. She’d seen me now, her face lit with a fake smile as she tried to look friendly and innocent. She’d been my best friend for so long, and she’d thrown it all away for…what? Jeffery?
She went to hug me and I held up my hand to stop her. “Wait. Stop. Let’s not pretend like everything is okay.”
Sadie went to argue and then stopped herself with a frown. “Fuck. Fine. So what do you want?” Her eyes narrowed. “If you’re wearing a recorder or something, just know I’m not saying anything because I don’t know anything. I’m not stupid.”
like you
I stared at her a moment before shaking my head. “No, that’s not what this is about. No recorder, and you don’t have to say anything.” Letting out a small laugh, I shrugged. “I mean, at first I really wanted to know why, you know? Like why him? Why me? What do either of you get out of faking my suicide?” I paused to look at Sadie, who just stared back at me silently.
Sitting down on the far side of the bench, I kept my eye on her as I continued. “But that thing Jeffery gave me? It’s still with me.” I pointed to where it stood glowering at me from the green lawn between us and the far side of the park. “I see it every day, no matter where I go. Not all the time, but enough.” My jaw clenched. “Enough that I have to be on guard every moment, making sure I never lock eyes when it decides to pop up.” I saw her pale a little bit as she stared out at the grass, her eyes roving back and forth.
“You don’t see him. I know. No one does but me. I guess Jeffery used to, right? It won’t tell me what their deal was or how Jeffery wound up with him, but it’s surprisingly good at getting messages across even though I can’t hear him.”
Sadie swallowed and licked her lips. “W-what does it tell you?”
“It tells me that I missed my chance to free it. To be free of it. That it’s bound to me now for as long as I live. That when I die, it’ll move on to the one that kills me or touches my body first, and so on and so on until someone gives it back its key.”
She nodded, her eyes glistening with tears as she looked at me. “I’m so sorry. If I’d known how bad it was, I wouldn’t…”
I glared at her. “Shut up your lying, you pathetic cunt. You knew. You knew very well. It’s told me the way I can get peace for awhile. If I give it a life, it will leave me alone for ten whole years. Same deal he was giving to Jeffery.”
Sadie’s eyes widened. “That’s right! That same bad that you...that you’re going through? That’s what Jeffery went through too! He’d already lived with it for years when I met him, and I saw him suffer with it. Fuck, you’re right. I knew how bad it was, but he was the love of my life, okay? And I couldn’t watch him suffer anymore.” She shook her head. “I’m the one that convinced him to do it.”
Everything seemed to crystalize around me, every sight and sound and thought painful and sharp. “Why? I was your best friend. You were like my sister.”
She sniffled. “It wasn’t because I wanted you dead. I just wanted to make sure he wouldn’t get hurt doing it or be at risk of getting arrested for it. I knew…” Sadie let out a sigh. “I thought you wouldn’t catch on in time, and couldn’t fight him if you did. And they’d believe it was suicide if your best friend backed it up.”
I nodded. “Thank you. You’ve made this all easier. I’ve been so hurt and so angry, spent so much time trying to explain away or excuse what you did while promising myself that you’d regret it.” My voice started to grow thick but I pushed on. “I still love you, you know? That’s the sad part. You’ve infected my life with this…fuck, do you even know what it is?”
Sadie shook her head, crying freely now. “Jeffery never told me a lot. He was ashamed of it. Terrified of it. He just showed me enough to make me understand it was real.”
Leaning over, I lashed out my hand and gripped her arm as she let out a small cry. “Like this? Did he make you understand like this?”
She closed her eyes tight and turned away. “No! I don’t want to see it again!”
I let out a nasty snicker. “Oh really? Is it too much for you? But you’ve barely seen it.” I could feel the connection running through me, tying Sadie to me and me to the thing watching us from the grass. Could feel its influence, its power, flow through me, seizing Sadie’s muscles before she could move. Turning her face back toward the lawn.
“P…please…I’m sorry…Please don’t make me…look at his eyes…”
I gripped her arm harder. “You know, it told me it can be painless if I want. Like a bite that just numbs you while you get eaten by a snake or spider.” Her head and face were still now other than the trembling of her cheeks as tears streamed down them. “So I was going to ask it to just put you to sleep first, but…I’ve changed my mind. You see, I’m really really not suicidal. I love my life.” I heard my voice grow rougher and colder. “And you tried to take what was mine. So now I’m taking it back. At least for the next ten years.”
“Pmsf…Pmsf dn!”
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