Flesh like Paper. Eyes like Pins.
Take from me my deepest Sins.
I hadn’t talked to Jessica since the month after we graduated college. I was moving back home to Alabama and she was staying behind in the apartment we’d shared since sophomore year. We occasionally kept in touch, first through regular phone calls, then periodic emails, and finally, sparse social media messages, but I told myself it was just the natural atrophy of getting older—people from your past tended to fall away over time.
And I’m sure that was part of it. But another part was that Jessica had grown stranger over time as well. Even before we finished senior year, she’d gotten in with some rough characters that I didn’t like being around or feel safe to have in our apartment. I never knew what their, or her, deal was exactly. Were they drug buddies? Criminals? Part of some weird cult? I avoided them when I could, and Jessica was never forthcoming when I asked more about them in private, but there was no denying a sense of palpable danger and strangeness that seemed to radiate from her odd new friends, and in time, from Jessica herself.
Maybe that’s why my stomach clenched a little when I heard her on the phone two months ago. Her voice was deeper, huskier, than I remembered, but it was still undeniably her. And after just a few minutes of talking, I felt a bittersweet nostalgia spreading through me. She sounded like the old her, or what I remembered of the old her. Sweet, funny and charming. Smart and engaging. And most of all, normal.
I live in Charlotte now, and she told me she was in Kansas City, but a business trip had taken her to Richmond for a couple of weeks and she was thinking about a southern road trip during the long weekend she had coming up. Would I be interested in meeting her somewhere and hanging out for a bit? Catching up on old times, that kind of thing?
I surprised myself when I said yes.
The restaurant was a couple of hours north for me, but it saved her some travel time, and looking at the website, I had to admit the place looked very cool. Set back in the cool, green woods near the state border, the Midnight Star was more than just a five-star restaurant with a chef that supposedly had trained in France and been the personal chef to several celebrities. It also sat on two hundred acres of unspoiled land that included campgrounds, a massive fully-stocked lake, and an underground spa that claimed to have natural hot springs and “healing salts”. It all sounded just fancy and weird enough to be exotic and fun, and I had the thought that maybe Jessica had turned from a creepy…whatever into a hippie yuppie that liked gourmet food and overpriced body scrubs.
After giving my name at the gatehouse, I followed a winding private road back for a mile before the main building appeared. It had the shape and style of a massive old log cabin, but one that had been clearly built in the last few years. I pulled into a parking spot as a woman stepped out of a silver Audi a few yards down. Even dressed in the shadows of the late afternoon, I recognized Jessica immediately. She looked older and a bit heavier, but not by much on either count. Not as much as me. She looked in my direction and smiled, that same smile that had always drawn me in, always drawn everyone in. Always made me feel special while letting me know that the reason wasn’t because of anything good in me, but because she had noticed me, at least for awhile. Swallowing, I gave her a wave and got out.
We hugged and laughed and exchanged pleasantries for a minute before she ushered me inside, telling me we had reservations for an early dinner followed by a private spa treatment if I was willing. I smiled nervously as I glanced around the interior of the place.
“I…maybe. This looks really nice though. I’m not sure if I can swing dinner and whatever they charge for…you know, the spa stuff.” I blushed. “I mean, I do okay, but I just have a lot of expenses and…”
She reached out and pinched my nose lightly. I’d forgotten her doing that to me when we were younger. “Silly. I didn’t invite you to some super-expensive place to have you pay a ton of money. I actually picked this place because I know the owner, or at least I know people that do. All of this is getting comped. Dinner and the spa. No worries.”
I raised an eyebrow. “Are you sure? I mean I don’t paying some towards…” I trailed off as she frowned and shook her head.
“Nope. Everything is taken care of.” She broke into a grin. “All we have to do is enjoy it.”
And that’s what we did. We drank delicious wine and ate course after course of delicious small plates, each one more varied and wonderful than the last. We also talked, really talked, in a way that I hadn’t with anyone in years. I started to realize how shallow some of my more recent friendships really were—all of them based out of convenience or utility more than any deep enjoyment of each other’s company. And seeing Jessica doing so well—so happy and obviously successful in life—well, it made me a bit jealous, but mostly it just made me glad. Glad and curious.
She had told me she worked for a medical research company in Missouri, not doing the science, but managing the business end of things. The company had become very profitable in the past few years, which explained her obvious wealth, but as we were led from the dining room to a lounge area, I couldn’t shake the feeling that there was more too it than that. The attendant told us he’d be by in twenty minutes to take us down to the spa, and after settling into comfortable chairs, we sat in companiable silence for a few moments before I burst out with the question that had been on my tongue for the last two hours.
“So what is your secret?”
Jessica’s eyes widened and then she let out a burst of laughter. “What do you mean?”
Blushing, I lowered my eyes and shrugged. “I…I mean, I know your work is going good, and having money is great and all. But you just seem…it’s almost like you glow or something, you know? I know that sounds dumb, but you just seem so happy and at peace.”
She smiled and returned my shrug. “I don’t know about that. I have bad days just like anybody, and I have things that stress me out the same as you. But yeah, I am very fulfilled.” Jessica’s smile faded as I met her eyes again. “I struggled a lot when I was younger. You saw that. I was searching for something, but I wasn’t sure what it was, and I made more than my share of mistakes along the way. I don’t regret most of those mistakes, but I do regret how I treated you. You were my best friend and I took that for granted. And it’s my fault that we drifted apart in the years since.”
I shook my head slightly. “It’s mine too. I should have kept in touch better.”
“Maybe, but I get why you didn’t. I wasn’t an easy person to be around or trust. It’s only been in the last few years that I’ve found my place in things and really figured out who I am.” She glanced away. “My hope is that we can become real friends again. Sisters again.”
It was my turn to smile when she looked back. “Of course, Jess. I’d love that. I really, really would.” I gestured at the room we were in. “And I’m not just saying that because of the kickass place you’ve brought me.”
We both laughed, and I could feel my last misgivings, and all the empty years without my friend, melting away.
The air had grown colder when we stepped back outside, the attendant now leading us down a lit path of crushed stone that trailed from the main house to a much smaller building further back in the wood. I felt mildly confused—if this was the spa, it certainly wasn’t very big, and I didn’t know how they offered all the different amenities they claimed on the website. Glancing over at Jessica, I was about to make a joke about the tiny building when I saw something in the trees beyond the path.
It was a man, staring at us from the gathering shadows of twilight, his skin ghastly pale and his eyes obscured by a pair of black goggles that reminded me of something a welder might wear. I reached out and gripped Jessica’s arm tightly.
“There’s…some dude looking at us. From the trees.” She glanced in my direction before following my gaze. Snickering slightly, she patted my hand as she turned back to me with a smile.
“Sorry, that’s just Jeffery. He’s my helper. I know he’s strange-looking, especially lurking around like that. But he doesn’t mix well with most people, what with his condition and all.”
I glanced back at her, lowering my voice. “What kind of condition does he…”
“Madams, here you are. Please step inside.”
I looked up and through the open door before us. Inside there was just a small reception desk beside a large, winding staircase of dark polished wood that led down into the ground. Looking at the attendant and then Jessica, I felt a moment of confusion.
“Down there?”
She nodded with a small smile.
“Oh, um. I thought ‘underground spa’ was just their way of saying it was exclusive and cool.”
Jessica snorted laughter. “You goofy bitch. No. It’s in a natural cave they built in. Down where the springs are.” She grabbed my hand as she headed for the stairs. “Now come on.”
“Isn’t this just heaven?”
I lifted the corner of the cold mask I’d been given as soon as we’d settled into the hot pool. It did feel good once you got used to the heat, but my nose was still prickling from whatever they’d used in my massage. Some kind of spice, maybe? Whatever it was, I was grateful for the mask so Jessica didn’t see my eyes watering.
Still, it was a very nice place. All the staff had been very kind and professional, and while I’d been anxious about stripping down all the way at first, their detached demeanor and Jessica’s urging as she undressed herself made it all seem less odd. I just needed to relax, go with the flow, and trust my friend. She clearly had things more figured out than I did, and it might not hurt to pick up a thing or two.
Nodding at her, I settled the mask back into place. “It is. It’s awesome. I’ve never seen anything like it.” Raising the mask again, I shot her a questioning look. “Are we the only ones here? It’s a really big place, but I haven’t seen any other customers.”
Jessica nodded. “They close it at night on the weekend. That’s when they do special events for VIPs and stuff. That’s why we’re getting the extra fancy treatment.”
I tried to keep the unease out of my voice. “And you’re sure we don’t have to pay anything?”
She grinned. “I told you, it’s all been taken care of. I have some very good friends. This is one of the benefits.” Sliding her own mask back down, she settled against the side of the pool we were in. “Now put your mask back on and relax. That skin treatment they do will make your eyes puffy if you don’t wear the compress for a few minutes after.”
I flinched slightly and slid the mask back down. I hoped she didn’t think I was complaining or wasn’t grateful. I felt like I was so close to really getting her back in my life, and I didn’t want to ruin it. And the mask did help. It smelled weird too, but in a soothing way. My nose stopped its buzzing, and I felt myself sinking down into…
When I woke up, I was hanging in mid-air. Thick nylon straps held me at my wrists and chest, waist and ankles, suspending me facedown above a still, black pool surrounded by softly-lit subterranean stone. I sucked in a panicked breath, looking from side to side as best I could manage, first to the right and then to the left. There were people all around the edge of the pool, strangers, all naked and painted with yellow symbols across their thighs and bellies and face. I was sinking into terror now, surrounded by a sea of thin lips and alien stares, naked and hostile and strange in a way that shouted danger through the trembling halls of my brain. Just then, a small bit of hope on a distant shore, a familiar face in the crowd.
“Jess…what is this? What are they doing to me?”
She smiled, her eyes almost luminous in the cave’s perpetual dusk. “It’s not what’s being done to you. It’s what you’re being given.” Her grin widened as she pointed below me. “See for yourself.” I looked down to see the inky liquid beneath me beginning to ripple.
When the thing’s head broke the surface…that’s when I started to scream.
It was a woman, or something that looked like a woman. The black fluid ran off her naked body, leaving behind the same pale, cracked skin that I’d seen on the man in the woods. She found my eyes as her hands raised, gently grasping my head as she drew closer, her breath spicy and cold. Her eyes were so dark, dilated so far that only a thin ring of blue could be seen, like the promise of some old, forgotten moon on some strange, distant shore. And now she was closer still, her dry, hungry lips finding mine, kissing me deeply, drawing pleasure and pain in the pressure, fear and then excitement and then blood.
Only then, when there was a wet bond of life between us, did she pull back, gasping, shuddering. Her eyes were pinpricks now, and she seemed to wince at the ambient light even as she stepped toward the edge. Two of the naked strangers helped her from the pool, one wrapping her in a thick towel even as the other eased a pair of goggles of shadowed glass down over her eyes.
All of this was insane. They were going to murder me as part of some cult ritual, and all of this was insane and I was a fool and I…
“Hush, my girl. Hush.”
I looked back toward Jessica.
“I can see what you’re going through. The scared voice running in your head. There’s no need to be scared. No one is going to hurt you. Nothing could be further from the truth. These people are my friends, and they know my love for you. And they’ve given you a very special gift because I asked them to. A way to repay you for all the times I neglected you. For all the years we’ve lost.”
As she spoke, I was drifting through the air, being hauled on a system of pulleys to the edge where I was righted and freed from the straps. Recoiling from the strangers, I held my ground as Jessica approached with a soft, white robe and draped it around my shoulders. “It’s all right. It’s okay. I know it doesn’t make sense right now. In time it will. In time, you’ll remember this night very fondly.”
I was trembling as she took my arm and led me out from the lower chambers of the cave. This place was somewhere below the main spa, and it took another ten minutes of corridors and stairs before we reached the changing room where our lockers were. Jessica ran a towel under the sink and began wiping the yellow markings off her skin as she gestured toward the shower.
“You don’t have this gunk on you, but you may want a shower regardless. Or at least wash your face because of…well, you know. But don’t worry. It’s over, and I won’t let anyone mess with you.” Her eyes widened as she gave a laugh. “Not that they would! God, that sounded bad. No, you’re one of us now.”
I yanked open my locker and began pulling on my underwear. “One of you? What…what was all that? Are you…” I lowered my voice to a whisper. “Are you in a cult?”
Jessica giggled. “I get you thinking that. But no, it’s nothing like that. It’s just a group of…like-minded people. People with certain knowledge of how things work and how to use it to our advantage.”
I was already half dressed, and slipping on my shoes, I headed for the door. “Well whatever it is, I’m getting out of here.” Not waiting for a response, I left the changing room and moved to the stairs, waiting for someone to tackle me or block the way forward. But no one ever did. I made it to the surface and back to my car without seeing anyone, and I was looking for my keys when I saw movement at the edge of the parking lot.
It was that woman. The pale woman from the pool, clothed now and standing at the edge of the light, watching me. Or at least I assumed she was watching behind those dark goggles she still wore.
“It’s freaky at first, isn’t it?”
I let out a small scream at Jessica’s voice so close. Turning, I took a step back from her. “What…what is?”
“The goggles. The skin. The whole get up.”
Shuddering, I dug into my purse again for my keys while keeping my eyes on her. “Uh-huh. Yeah, sure.”
“It’s not just theatrics though. Their skin turns that color as part of the process, and after bonding…well, they get really sensitive to light too.”
I felt my hand close around my keys. I knew I should just leave, just escape these crazies while I had the chance. But something told me it wasn’t that easy, that there was more to it than some nutjobs in the woods. “What is this? Who are these people?” I glanced toward the staring pale woman meaningfully.
Jessica touched my chin gently. “It’s what I said. I’ve never lied to you about any of it. The one I have…I call him Jeffery…he helps me with things. Does things for me that I don’t want to or can’t do myself. Helps me get what I want.”
I pulled back slightly. “But why? Who are they? Where do they come from? Are they part of this cu…group?”
She smirked slightly and shook her head. “No. They…well, I don’t know who they are really. I mean, I could find out, but it doesn’t matter who they once were. It’s what they are now that matters.”
I felt a chill go down my spine. “What are they?”
Her eyes twinkled in the dark. “They are vessels. You could call them possessed, though that is a very crude term for what they really are. And rather than try to exorcise them or destroy them, there are an enlightened few that have learned to use them. To channel their abilities and appetites toward our own ends.”
My mouth hung open as I stared at her. “Jess, that…that’s insane. You don’t really believe that, do you?”
She grinned at me. “Of course I do. I’ve seen how it works. You can tell them what you want, what you need, and they’ll make it happen. Even when you don’t…they have this intuition. They’ll always look out for you.” Jessica nodded past me to the woman at the edge the parking lot. “She’ll always look out for you.”
My voice shook as I pulled my keys out and went to unlock my door. “I’m going…I have to go. I’m sorry, but…” My door was already unlocked. I always locked my door. Looking up at Jess, I saw her wince slightly.
“Yeah, they may have gone through your stuff a bit while we were busy.” She raised her hands. “All well-intentioned, I assure you. Just makes it easier to keep tabs on you and make sure you don’t need anything or, you know, make any rash decisions.” She leaned in closer. “Because this gift, this group, it’s still a very private and personal thing. We don’t want outsiders in our business, right?”
Yanking open my door the rest of the way, I got in quickly. “Right, yeah. Sure.” I slammed the door shut without waiting for a response and backed out of my spot. As I pulled away and shot down the road, I heard Jessica yelling after me.
“It was so great seeing you! I’ll call you tomorrow!”
And she did. And the next day, and the day after that. At first I was resistant to answering, and when I did answer, I was resistant to talking. I knew she had to be crazy, or at least brainwashed, but I thought maybe if I talked to her, then over time I could get her to understand how insane it all was.
Then I saw the pale woman outside my office one morning. Standing in the bushes, barely visible, she watched me as I entered the building. The next day, I noticed her at the grocery store as I was driving away. It’s so strange. She never approaches me, and I haven’t dared to approach her, but no one else seems to even notice her, despite the pale skin beneath her hooded sweatshirt or the odd goggles she always wears. It’s almost like being haunted by a ghost only I can see.
Then four days ago, Bonnie Sutler died.
She worked at my job, and while we had once been workplace friends, that had all changed when she got promoted instead of me. No more joking or going to lunch. Just hard looks, condescending meetings, and constant undermining, as though it wasn’t enough that she had won. She had to make sure I lost, too.
They found her in a park two miles from her house. Her head had been twisted around like a bottle cap, and there were no suspects or known motives for what had happened to her. Just a random act of violence, some monster that had found easy prey.
I went to her wake, just like everyone else. I pretended to mourn her, just like everyone else. But how could anyone really miss her that much? She wasn’t a good person. She was a phony. A bitch. A user. Not like me. Not like Jessica for that matter. Weird as she may be, she really was my friend again. And when I got word I was getting the vacated position at work, Jessica was the first one I called.
“That’s so great! See? I told you. Good stuff is going to start happening for you.”
I was smiling into the phone, but I still felt an uneasy rumble in my belly. “But…if she did it…If my woman did it, doesn’t it mean that I did it really? I mean she killed her because it would help me, right?”
Jessica’s voice was more serious when she answered. “Yeah, it helped you, sure. But you’re a good person. Don’t you deserve some help? And would you rather these helpers…well, if they were left to their own devices, they’d hurt a lot of people that didn’t deserve it. At least this way, you can point them toward good causes. Only hurt the ones that have earned it, the ones that get in your way.”
I swallowed. “Um, I guess. But what if I tell them what to do? What then? Aren’t I to blame?”
“No, not at all. They’re still choosing to do it, right? And again, it’s for your own good. For the world’s own good, if you care about that. After all, how can helping a good person be bad for the world?”
“O-okay. Well, how do I do it?”
“Do what?”
“Um, ask them for something.”
She laughed. “Oh, that’s easy. I’ll text you a number. You just call it and say the special phrase. That’s it. In a little while, your girl will show up and hear whatever you have to tell her. They aren’t much for talking, but they listen very well.”
I felt my heart quickening. “Okay. What’s the special thing I have to say?”
”Skin like paper. Eyes like pins. Take from me my deepest sins.”
“That’s it?”
“That’s it. Easy as falling.”
I gave a small laugh. “Off a log?”
She didn’t return the laugh. “If you like.”
I just made the call a few moments ago. I’m excited and scared at the same time, but that’s all right, isn’t it? I’ve been scared so much in my life. Worried about what I had to lose, what might be taken from me. But now? Now I’m just afraid of being happy. Terrified that I’m finally going to make the world give me what I deserve.
Jess is right. I can control where this goes, control where I go. I bet this is how little baby birds feel. Scared and happy at the same time, right before they fall, right before they fly. Oh, I have to go.
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