She hesitated a moment before breaking into a smile. “Is that what you call me? I like it. My name is actually Melanie though.”
I felt my face reddening. Of course her name wasn’t actually Rachel. That was just something I made up in my head. Still, my embarrassment couldn’t keep up with my confusion and joy. “Is it really you?”
She nodded. “Yeah, it’s me.”
Rachel…Melanie grunted as I stepped forward and started hugging her. Laughing, she hugged me back for a moment, but then she whispered in my ear. “Thomas, we need to talk, and not out here. Can we go inside?”
I broke away and nodded, wiping at my eyes as I tried to finish unlocking the door with a shaking hand. My heart was pounding and I still felt like I was in a strange and wonderful dream, but when we had gotten inside and sat down on my living room sofa, I forced myself to focus on the biggest question I had.
“How?”
Melanie had still been smiling as we sat down, but now she looked worried and sad. “Thomas, that’s what I’m here to tell you. Things aren’t like you think they are. They never have been.”
I frowned, a new line of fear cutting through my happy haze. “What do you mean?”
She held the bridge of her nose for a moment, looking down like she was trying to figure out how to say…whatever it was she had to say. “Thomas…you’re part of a psychological experiment. I’ve been a part of it for longer than you have as one of the actors, and I still don’t know all the details. I’m pretty sure it’s run by some government agency, and I know they’re investing a lot of money and time into it, but for what reasons…that I’m not so sure.”
I realized I was wringing my hands. No, that wasn’t right. It couldn’t be right. This was some kind of trick.
Melanie went on. “What I do know is that you’re being watched as a long-term subject. They have constructed this whole scenario where you do a secret job watching someone…me…who looks like they might be trapped. They give you instructions and a way of making choices. You’ve got buttons or something you can choose between, right?”
I nodded weakly, my tongue thick in my throat. “Yeah. A red one. And a green one.”
She sighed and nodded. “I think they’re testing how much you’ll obey. What choices you’ll make based off of your morals, your intelligence, and your fear. It’s interesting, or at least I thought so when I first joined up six years ago. They’ve never officially given me many details, just the overall gist. But people talk. The other actors and me, sometimes we hear things, and we gossip.” She smiled sadly. “That’s what caused me to start feeling bad.”
I interrupted. “Other actors?”
Melanie’s eyes widened. “Oh shit, yeah. Sorry. I think they still call him Mr. Solomon? And there are others too.” When I just stared at her, she went on. “Anyway, for a long time it was just the normal job, right? I spend six hours a day acting like I’m this trapped girl, mainly faking painting or watching t.v. You know, boring stuff…”
I couldn’t help but interrupt again, hating the hurt trembling in my voice. “You fake the painting? You aren’t really painting those wonderful pictures?”
Now Melanie looked embarassed. “No, sorry. I can’t paint a bit. I’m a pretty good singer though.” She tried to smile, but faltered. Reaching forward, she touched my arm. “That’s why they always have the paintings turned where you can’t see them. They’re already done beforehand. All you ever see is some blank canvases and…well, when they want me to show you something.” Her expression darkened as she went on.
“That’s why I had to break the rules and contact you. When they started doing this hidden message, mind game bullshit, I got worried. Worried you would take it too serious. That you could get hurt, or even hurt yourself. As soon as you left your shift tonight, I talked to one of the guys in the video department. He told me about how you had reacted. Showed me how you were still parked down the street from the building. I drove over—the bedroom set is in a building outside of town. I saw you sitting in your car, and I almost approached you then, but I was scared of getting caught and fired. So I parked and waited until I could follow you somewhere else and let you know I was okay.”
She blinked back tears. “I’m ashamed to say I almost left a couple of times. I don’t want to lose this job, and I tried to tell myself you would be okay after a day or two. I could get them to change the script enough that you felt like I was okay and wouldn’t worry too much.”
I felt an angry heat growing in my chest. “Well, that’s nice of you.”
She looked up, her eyes red. “I know. I’m a shit. I’m so sorry. I was being selfish and cowardly, but I didn’t actually leave. And then when I saw Charlie leaving the building, saw you running over to talk to him, I knew they were escalating it even further.”
“Charlie?”
Melanie rolled her eyes in frustration. “Shit, yeah. Sorry. Charlie Jefferies. He’s another actor. In an earlier version of the experiment he actually played Mr. Solomon, but they decided he wasn’t scary enough, so now he’s usually in one of the suits. He’s actually done that for your version a lot, you just can’t recognize him under all that get-up they wear.”
I kept curling and uncurling my hands on my lap. It was all too much. I felt like a pinball going between anger and relief and embarassment and confusion. “So all that stuff he told me? That was all just to scare me? See how I’d react?”
She nodded as she sniffled and wiped her nose with the back of her hand. “Yes. I’m sorry. That’s why I knew I couldn’t wait any longer to tell you. I could see how worried and scared you were going back to your car.”
I pulled my arm back from her touch. “Well, thanks I guess. At least you stopped me before I went to the police and looked like a joke in front of them too.” I just wanted her gone, her sympathetic, pitying eyes off of me. “Thanks for stopping by and letting me in on it.” I tried to make my voice sound hard and unfeeling, but it came out watery instead. Standing up, I turned away from her so she couldn’t see as I started to cry. “If you don’t mind, I…uh…I need time to think about everything. It’s…a lot.”
A moment passed and then her hand was on my shoulder. “Thomas, you don’t have anything to be embarrassed about. They are very good at what they do. All you did was what you thought was right. Because you’re a good man.” I shrugged.
“I thought that you were in trouble and I wanted to help.”
She gently turned me toward her, and when I looked up, she smiled and sniffed again. “I know, but you need to realize, most people wouldn’t have tried to help. Not when it meant giving up their job or risking themselves like that. Not for a stranger.”
I wiped at my face as I looked away. “Well, I still feel dumb, but I’m glad it’s not real. I’m glad you’re okay. That we both are.” I paused and caught her eye again. “We are, aren’t we? Safe, I mean.”
She hesitated before nodding. “Yeah, I think so. Like I said, they have a lot invested in whatever this is, and the fact that they’re willing to go as far as they have with you makes me wonder, but I’ve never seen any signs of anyone getting hurt. I think the worst that could happen is one or both of us gets fired.”
I felt my face getting red again. “Oh, don’t worry about that. I’m going to quit tomorrow. I’ll finally get to hit their damn buttons. Maybe both of them.” I started to smile, but then I saw the look on Melanie’s face.
“Thomas, please don’t do that. I don’t think they would hurt us, but if you up and quit, they’ll figure out I’ve talked to you. I don’t think they watch us all the time, but I don’t know what they can find out. You know, tracking cellphones, spy satellites, whatever. I’m taking a big risk just being here, and I don’t want them catching on.”
I took a step back from her. “So you want to keep getting paid to trick people like me.”
She reached out and grabbed my right hand. I had been clenching it unconsciously, and it relaxed at her touch. “No, I don’t want to. But I wasn’t expecting this. How the experiment has changed, getting to actually meet you…I can’t do it long-term, but another month or two to save up money? Now that you’re in on it and won’t be scared or hurt by it any more?” She smiled. “That I can do. That we can both do. We can keep going like normal, take some more of their money, and then one of us can quit. The next month, the other one can. How does that sound?”
I shrugged uncertainly. It made some sense, and once I had calmed down, it would probably make more. She gave my hand a squeeze.
“And when this is all over, I want to get to know you better. I know I’ve been playing a role, but for the most part, that’s been me you’ve been watching all this time. I think it’s only fair I get to see more of you too.” She blushed. “Assuming you’re interested in that.”
I felt my hand growing clammy in hers as my stomach fluttered. “Well, I mean…yeah. Yeah, I would really like that.” Swallowing, I added, “How long do we have to wait to see each other again?”
Melanie grinned at me. “Work another month or so. Save what you can. And then quit. I’ll wait another two or three weeks, and then I’ll do the same. And then…” She looked up at the ceiling as she pondered it for a moment, and I was struck again by how beautiful she was, even if she was a little different in person than I had imagined. ”…three months from tonight we’ll meet right here. I’ll come over and we can start getting to know each other better. How’s that sound?”
Returning her smile, I nodded. “That sounds great.”
When she left a couple of minutes later, part of me hated to see her go, but another part was relieved. I was so exhausted, and while I was so happy she was okay and we had finally met, I felt like the burned up wire in an old lightbulb. I needed time alone. Time to think and calm down, and most of all, time to rest.
I didn’t really even remember falling asleep, and when I woke up, I realized my alarm had been buzzing for over thirty minutes. I jumped up and raced to get to my shift at work. As she had been leaving, Melanie had stressed again how we needed to act completely the same. That meant not freaking out, but it also meant not acting like everything was okay either. If I suddenly showed no signs of being worried about her, that would tip them off too. I promised and she left after a brief hug and kiss. Remembering that now, through the haze of my tiredness the night before, it felt like a dream.
Still, I went into the surveillance room with a much lighter heart. I didn’t have to worry or feel guilty any more about not helping her, and there was some satisfaction in finally pulling one over on the people that had tricked me for so long. Besides, in three months I would be done with this place and get to see Ra…Melanie again. In person, at least.
Because I got to watch her on the video feed as soon as I came into work. She was asleep when I first got there, and I found myself wondering if she was as tired as I still felt. When she woke up later and started reading a book, I found myself beginning to smile and had to stop myself. I should still be worried acting, not smiling like I had a crush. I had to do better so Melanie didn’t get in trouble.
An hour or so later she started working on another of “her” paintings. Watching her work, I was amazed at how real it all looked. It was hard to see everything from my angle, but I would have sworn she had paint on those brushes and was really painting whatever was on the canvas. I found myself feeling proud of her. She really was a great actress. Not only didn’t I see her giving any clues that we had met or talked, but she really did seem different in the room than she had in my apartment. I supposed that was what she had meant by “playing a role”.
I was almost at the end of my shift, and while I hated to leave her, I had to admit that I was ready for some more sleep. Trying to guard my reactions all day had been exhausting, and I was dreading the next few weeks. But then I realized she was done painting. I expected her to just go and do something else, but instead she picked up the canvas at its edges and carefully walked it over to the sofa. Her body was blocking it at first, but then she stepped aside.
It was a painting of a massive tree. The bark was a dark red, with a huge twisting trunk that broke off into a dozen branches. Those branches were covered in leaves that were so deep green they almost reminded me of storm clouds more than the top of a tree. Like all the paintings, I felt touched by it, even now that Melanie had told me she didn’t paint them. The images themselves, combined with the colors and the small details…they really were amazing.
Just like this one. If you looked close enough, you could see that there were several small blackbirds in the branches of the tree. It was funny, but they almost looked like they were…
It almost looked like they were made out of words.
I felt my heart start to hammer and I forced myself to stay calm. No point in being silly. I knew it was all a game now, and I just had to play my part a little while longer. Still, the worried me would want to know what the words said, so I might as well try to read them. I squinted, following the birds right to left and top to bottom.
That
girl
isn’t
me
I looked away from the painting to see Rachel staring up at me. She looked terrified.
---
Credits
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