“Happy Halloween…almost. Are you ready to party down?”
Chuck patted me on the shoulder as he asked the question, moving past me through the front door without getting a response. The question seemed well-meant, as was most everything that Chuck did or said around me. It said that he cared enough to come to this party he probably didn’t want to be at and to ask a jovial question as he came in, but I knew that was about the threshold of his caring. We weren’t friends, not really, and it was our mutual love of my sister Vanessa that had led to our lives intersecting at all.
She was next through the door, giving me a tight hug while trying not to drop the bowl of dip she was balancing in her right hand. She whispered in my ear, “You doing okay? This okay?” and I squeezed her back as I replied, “Yeah, Ness. I’m good. This is good.”
When Billy showed up twenty minutes later, it was less awkward. He had been my best friend for nearly twenty years, and I had talked more to him about everything than I had anyone else in the time since Amber had died. When I opened the door, he just gave me a quick man hug and started talking to Vanessa and Chuck as I went to finish arranging the chairs in the living room.
My wife Amber died six months ago. She had always been a fairly healthy person, but a year earlier she had started feeling bad. She was diagnosed with Type II diabetes, which at the time, seemed like bad but very manageable news. Then one weekend I was away for a work trip. Amber had talked about coming with me, but I’d been afraid she’d be bored and encouraged her to stay home and relax instead. She agreed and said she would see about having Vanessa and Chuck over for dinner that Saturday night.
Her and Vanessa had become best friends in the six years we had been married, and she typically talked to my sister more than I did. But between occasional visits and texts, I almost never talked to my sister on the phone. So when I woke up at one in the morning to my phone buzzing and saw it was Vanessa, I knew something was wrong.
The coroner ruled it a “sudden cardiac death” with diabetes listed as a contributing factor. It was a rare thing for someone in their mid-thirties, but apparently it did happen from time to time. Vanessa told me that they had all three fallen asleep watching a movie, and when she woke up, she and Chuck tried to get Amber up to tell them they were heading home. But she wouldn’t wake up. They called 911 and she was declared dead at the scene.
Since then, everything had been a red blur of anger and sadness. I didn’t want to be around anyone. I found it hard to work or interact with people, and every day I rushed home to solitude as soon as I was able, because it was suffocating being around others. I always felt like a fish struggling to get back to water, desperately striving to get back to our home and away from everything else.
In the back of my mind, I expected things to get better over time. For the order and monotony of day-to-day life to abrade away the rough edges of my grief and leave me with a heavy stone that would never leave me, but was at least easier to carry. But that didn’t happen. My memories of her didn’t fade. I kept forgetting she was gone. I would hear something in another part of the house and have a moment where I assumed it was her before I remembered. I would walk into a room and swear that I could still smell her there.
Don’t misunderstand me. I don’t think she was haunting me or anything. I just think that my mind couldn’t cope with the reality that she was dead—and in some corner of my heart, I was slowly deciding I didn’t want any part of this reality anymore.
That’s when I got the phone call from the real estate agent. Amber’s aunt had died two years earlier, and having no children of her own, she had left Amber everything. That consisted mainly of her house, a little money in the bank, and a pawn shop she had run for nearly forty years. Nearly all of the estate had been dealt with before Amber passed away—Aunt’s house was bought by a young married couple and the items in the pawn shop were all auctioned off or sold in lots to other shops. Only the pawn shop itself was left to be sold, and because it had been important to Amber to see it all done, it was one of the few things I had dedicated myself to since she died.
I managed to find a buyer, and the property closing had happened just a couple of days before the real estate agent called me. He said that the new owners had found an item hidden behind a false wall in a storage closet at the shop. The agent told me they could have claimed it themselves since the purchase was done, and the object in question was clearly old and potentially very valuable, but that the pair that bought the shop were honest, and didn’t feel right about keeping something I most likely hadn’t known existed when I sold them the shop.
I forced myself to listen to what the agent was telling me, but when he was done I told him to keep it himself then. I didn’t care. I had a rapidly dwindling to-do list, and once that was done, I wasn’t sure how long I would be around anyway.
But he told me it was already on its way. Sure enough, it was delivered the following day. And while I opened the large and heavy box out of habit more than interest, that changed when I saw what was inside.
I held up the large card that had come taped to the top of the object when I opened it. It was filled with small, cramped cursive that was nonetheless legible as I held it up to a nearby lamp in the living room. Chuck and Vanessa were already sitting down in the chairs I had arranged around the box itself, while Billy stood some distance off sipping a beer. All of them looked interested but slightly concerned by the set-up and the strange-looking box, but I gave a reassuring smile and told them this was going to be our “Halloween game” for the evening. Ignoring their concerned glances at me and the box, I began to read the card aloud.
“This item is the Izu Box of Shadows. My research has shown there are other boxes, although they appear to be very rare and all from different places and times. This box was made in the Izu Province of what is now the Shizuoka Prefecture in Japan. While I cannot be certain, this item appears to have been made between 1750 and 1800. I have been unable to ascertain the nature of all components of the box, but its basic composition is of heavily lacquered wood and metal. The inner mechanical workings of the box have never been maintained—or even viewed—since I came into possession of the box, but in my experience they always work smoothly and without fail.”
I stepped closer to the box. I had it sitting on a low table in the center of a ring of four chairs. The box was a two-foot tall hexagon of black wood with grayish-brown metal securing every edge. It was largely unadorned, with no writing or symbols on its surface—though occasionally I thought you could see the ghost of some marking deep within its dark skin. But while its surfaces appeared plain, the top of the box was not.
The highest portion of each of the six sides was occupied by a long, rounded glass rectangle trimmed in the same storm cloud metal. These were its viewing slots. The top of the box slanted on every side up to a peak at its center that held a perforated metal cap. The cap reminded me of the top of a giant salt shaker, though with fewer holes and with grooves at the edge of the cap to provide a better grip. This cap was screwed on top of a metal tube that ran down into the center of the box and out of sight. Touching this center metal axle, I continued to read.
“The box is used as follows: One to six people may participate, but everyone who is in the room must participate and it can be no more than six. To begin, the center metal tube is uncapped. If you look inside the tube you will see a red candle. Important: Only use this candle and do not worry about its depletion.”
I glanced up and saw all three of them were looking at me and the box with more interest now, though the worry was still there as well. Turning back to the card, I went on.
“Pull up on the edge of the tube and you will find that this portion lifts out easily. This is the candle portion. Remember to reseat that portion properly when you put the tube back in a moment, as the tube must be placed back within its grooves in order for the box to function properly. After you remove the candle portion of the tube, you will find a small compartment below. This is where the personal objects are housed during the box’s use.”
“The objects must be very small, of course, but almost any item the person possesses will work. Buttons and coins are common, though hair or teeth can be used as well. The only real criteria are possession by the user, only one item per person, and something small enough that all the objects can be fit inside at the same time. The amount of objects will, of course, vary by the number of participants.”
“After the items are placed in the bottom chamber of the tube, the candle portion is replaced and the candle is lit. The cap is then screwed on tightly. You are now ready to begin.”
I sat down in one of the empty chairs and gestured for Billy to do the same. He frowned and took a step forward, but hesitated. “What is this, man? Some kind of séance or something? I’ll help however you need, but I just don’t know how healthy…”
“It’s not a fucking séance, okay? Just…” I paused and took a breath. I needed to keep my cool. “I just need you all to keep an open mind. I’m not trying to contact Amber or something. But it’s a weird thing and I thought it’d be cool to share it with my friends. I was nervous to try it out alone.”
Vanessa reached over and squeezed my arm. For his part, Billy blushed a little before flopping down in the chair next to me. “Shit, man. I’m sorry. I’ll do whatever you need.” Nodding to him, I looked back to the card.
“The first participant puts his eyes to his viewing slot and then grasps the metal tube cap. He then spins the central tube counterclockwise and lets go. If done properly, the participant will see something remarkable, though what that is varies greatly from person to person. Only one spin is required, and when their view darkens again, their turn is complete. This continues until everyone has completed a turn. A second turn can be done, but is very ill-advised. Under no circumstances are you to tell another participant what you saw while viewings are still being conducted.”
I looked up and smiled. “That’s it. Now. Are you ready to party down?”
All the personal items were put in the box and then Billy went. He seemed to be debating what object to use at first, but then he pulled a small pumpkin eraser out of his pocket. Smiling with embarrassment, he shrugged. “A patient gave it to me. Being a pediatrician has its perks.”
When he spun the central tube, I saw both Vanessa and Chuck jerk back slightly at the sound it made. It was an odd, lonely rasping sound not unlike what you hear on a night filled with cicadas. My sister glanced at me with a frown and mouthed “what is this thing?” as Billy continued to lean forward against the viewing slot, the hollow whirr of the tube beginning to slow down. I just smiled and gave a shrug before turning back to watch Billy.
After more than a minute, Billy sat back and blinked as though he were coming out of a cave. His eyes were unfocused as he looked at me. “What the fuck was that, man? How is that even possible?”
Chuck around the box at Billy. “What did you see?” Vanessa poked him in the side.
“No telling what you saw, remember?” She looked over at Billy. “You okay, though?”
Billy rubbed his eyes and nodded. “Yeah…Yeah I just…Don’t mind me. Go ahead and go.”
Chuck went next, having put in a dime from his pocket. He had just spun the tube when Billy stood up and stumbled back. “I…I think I got motion sick or something. I don’t feel well. I should go.”
I looked away from Chuck and shook my head. “It’ll pass probably. Plus, if you’re woozy, the last thing you need to be doing is driving a car. Why don’t you just go lay down for a few minutes while we do the rest of the turns? You’re already done.”
Billy looked at me for several seconds as though he was weighing something, and I was on the verge of saying more when he nodded. “Yeah, okay. I’ll try that for a minute. But no promises.”
I looked back to see that Chuck’s spinning of the tube was coming to an end, but when it was done he didn’t lean back or say anything. Vanessa looked at me questioningly. “Something is wrong.”
I frowned. “Yeah, I don’t know. Hey, Chuck?” When he still didn’t respond, Vanessa shook his shoulder and then gave him a light shove. This seemed to rouse him enough that he sat back and looked at us sheepishly.
“Um, sorry guys. I think I fell asleep against that thing. It’s been a long week at work.”
Vanessa stared at him. “You’re telling me you fell full asleep in the three minutes you were messing with it? With your face leaned up against this weird box?”
He shrugged. “I guess. I just…Look, I hate to be the party pooper, but can we go ahead and go, honey?” Chuck glanced at me. “I’m sorry, man. I want to hang out tonight, but I’m kind of with Billy. I don’t feel so great now.”
I stood up. “I’m sorry, man. Want me to see if I have anything for your head or motion sickness or something?”
He shook his head as he started to rise to his feet. “No, I think I just need to go home actually. We can do this some other night.”
I looked down at my sister. “Ness, please don’t go. I’m sorry this isn’t going well, but I’m really trying here. It took a lot for me to even invite you guys over at all.”
She bit her lip and glanced at Chuck, then back to me. “I know. I know.” She looked at the box and then turned to her husband. “Look, let’s stay a bit longer. Go lay down and I’ll finish playing the game. If you don’t start feeling better in a bit, we’ll go, I promise.” Chuck went to argue, but Vanessa was already leaning forward and spinning.
Chuck gave me a hard look before moving to the sofa I had pushed back against a far wall of the living room. I could feel his eyes burning a hole through my back, but I tried to ignore it. I didn’t want to miss Vanessa’s reaction. I didn’t have long to wait, as after just a few seconds she began to speak in a high, loud voice on the edge of a scream.
“Hell is a forest deep and dark. Its earth is cold, its trees are stark. Among the shades dwells the Hunter’s face, please send another in my place.”
She said the words in a rush and then trailed off like a burned out engine winding down as she slid out of her chair and onto the floor. Chuck was already on his feet, and when he saw her begin to thrash silently on the ground, he moved past me to help her. It was easy to stick the stun gun into his side and send him crashing down to flop next to his wife like a dying fish.
I couldn’t be sure what was happening to Vanessa or how long it would last, but I knew I only had a few seconds before Chuck would be back up. Before the guests arrived, I had taped a long-bladed butcher knife under the table holding the box—one of several weapons I had squirrelled away for different possible scenarios that evening. Now I yanked it free from its hiding spot as I moved on top of my brother-in-law. He was already regaining control and tried to grab my arm, but he was too slow. I slammed the knife into his Adam’s apple and gave it a strong twist.
“That’s for Amber, you motherfucker.”
He flailed around for a handful of heartbeats, but when I pulled the knife free and sent it back across his throat with all my weight, his hands fell to the ground like dead birds. One look at his eyes and I knew he was gone. Good.
Looking over at Vanessa, I saw she had stopped convulsing, but she wasn’t moving other than breathing heavily. At least she wasn’t dead yet. I remember having the thought at that moment that everything was going so well because what I was doing was right. Righteous even. Amber wasn’t perfect, but she didn’t deserve what they did to her, and they were all going to pay.
Standing up from Chuck, I wiped the knife off on my pants leg and moved to the bedroom where Billy should be. I had to assume he might be aware of what had happened in the living room, so I was tensed and ready for an attack as I pushed open the bedroom door. Flipping on the light with the hand holding the stun gun, I looked for some sign of him, but there was none.
Cursing under my breath, I almost went back out into the hall before noticing the bathroom door was closed and the light was on. I listened at the door for a minute but everything was quiet. Looking behind me for any potential ambush, I called out to Billy as though I was checking on him, seeing if he was sick in the bathroom. Nothing.
I twisted the knob and it didn’t budge. Locked. That was okay. The door was flimsy and nothing was going to keep me from finishing what I had started. Two kicks and the door flew open. I stepped forward and peered into the room, initially confused at what I was seeing. Billy was laying in the empty bathtub, dead. He had used the pocket knife he always carried to slit his wrists both horizontally and vertically, and judging from how much blood was pooled under him, he had either done it almost immediately after leaving us or had just bled out very quickly. Either way, I said a silent word of thanks to the box. Billy was larger and stronger than me, so I had expected the most trouble from him. Apparently whatever he had seen in the box of shadows had been enough to convince him he need to do the right thing after all.
Going back into the living room, I saw that Vanessa was starting to come around. She was up on all fours, trying to pull herself up into a chair but failing miserably. It didn’t help when I took my foot and shoved her in the side, sending her rolling back down onto her back. When she looked up at me, I saw that she had small dots of blood at the corners of her eyes.
“So what did you see?”
She just looked at me confusedly as though she either didn’t recognize me or didn’t understand the words I was saying. I crouched down and gave her face a hard slap.
“Snap out of it. I want you to understand what’s gone on before you die.”
She sucked in a breath at the slap, and when she looked back at me I saw recognition. She looked past me to where Chuck lay dead and the first real emotion came back to her face. Her eyes went back to mine as pink tears began to run down her cheeks.
“Why? What have you done?”
I slapped her again. “What have I done? What have you done. What have all of you done.” I felt an almost overpowering urge to go ahead and stab her, so I stood up and walked a few feet away. “I saw what you did. The box showed me what you did.”
Vanessa still looked dazed, and her words slurred slightly as she spoke, but she furrowed her brow and managed to get out: “What? We didn’t do anything.”
I let out a bitter laugh. “Well, I guess that’s kind of true, isn’t it.” I gripped the knife so hard I could feel the bones in my hand groan in protest. “The box showed me the night Amber died. How you, and Chuck, and Billy came over. How you drugged Amber. Got her drunk. Did obscene, perverted things with her, all of you. And then when she collapsed from everything you had given her…when she started dying, you all just stood around and laughed. Didn’t get her help. Didn’t try to save her. You just watched her die while you all fucking laughed.”
I was closer again, standing over Vanessa and screaming the last of it, my own tears streaming now. She was talking again, trying to say it wasn’t true. That it was insane and made no sense. But I knew she was lying. I knew what the box had shown me. I knew the truth.
So I killed my baby sister. I wish I could say I didn’t remember it, but it would be a lie. I know every blow that fell, every scream she made, every moment of joy and fulfillment I felt at causing her pain and avenging what had happened to my sweet Amber. It was all so clear and perfect.
But when it was over, that clarity began to fade. I sat in the floor of my living room, covered in blood and feeling doubt and fear sliding into my belly like the blade I had left in the ruined remains of Vanessa. Why was I so sure I could trust what the box had shown me? Wouldn’t the autopsy of Amber shown drugs and alcohol in her system if it had happened like I saw? And why would any of them want to do any of that in the first place?
Within a few minutes I went from exultation to despair. I still felt confused, and even now I can’t say for sure what makes sense and what doesn’t, but I think I've been tricked. As I’ve been writing all this out, my head has cleared further. I think maybe I’ve murdered the only people I had left, the only ones that cared about me at all.
Even the beginnings of that realization filled me with a burning desire to kill myself. I likely would have done it then, but something unexpected stopped me. My phone rang, and when I answered, it was you.
“Hello? Is this Mr. Saltzmann?”
I nodded dumbly and then realized I needed to speak. “Yes. I guess.”
“Hi there. My name is Cora Westgate. I’ve been trying to track you down. Or at least something I think you have.” You paused for me to reply, but I sat silent, so you went on. “It’s a box. It’s called an…Izu Box of Shadows, I think?”
I almost hung up then. This was delaying me pulling the knife from my sister’s corpse and using it on myself. But something made me ask the question anyway.
“Why do you want it?”
I heard excitement in your voice. “So you do have it. Awesome. Look, my uncle…he’s been abducted. By very bad people. And I think the box can help me find him. I know that sounds crazy, but if…”
“Fine.” I was surprised to hear the word come out of my mouth and I could tell you were surprised too.
“Oh, wow. Great! Look, I have your address and I can be there in two hours if that’s okay. I’ll be glad to pay you well for it but…”
“No, I won’t be here when you get here. Just take it.” Again, I didn’t know why I was still talking to you, much less why I was encouraging you to take something that I was feeling more and more sure was the cause of all the horror around me.
You were trying to thank me, but I was already hanging up. I almost went for the knife then, but some part of me, the real me, hesitated. I knew I wanted to die, but I wanted to warn you as best I could. If I couldn’t say it to you, maybe writing out what happened would work. I expected to not be able to even start telling it, much less finish it. I thought the box wouldn’t let me tell you. Warn you.
But now that I’m done, I think I understand. The box wants to go with you, and while it knows you will read this, it also knows you won't heed my warning. I can only hope that it’s wrong.
Please do not take the box. Or if you do, don’t use it. Destroy it if you can. You’ll find me dead, find us all dead, and maybe you’ll believe that I didn’t mean to do any of it. If you know about things like the box, you may be the only one that might understand. Either way, it’s done now. Tricked or not, I think I might be damned.
Cora, please don’t use the box. Please believe that I’m sorry for what I did.
I love you, Amber. I hope to make it back to you some day.
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