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“Thank you for choosing Vicecorp, this is Jeff. May I have your account number, please?”

“Hey Jeff, Matthew here. Account number 80140. Password is Lombardo.”

“How can I help today, Matthew?”

“Well, I’m very frustrated. I purchased the Lenore 3 yesterday and I’m having some major issues. I’m not getting the proper responses at all.”

“Can you be more specific?”

“Well, for example, when I make any kind of threat, she doesn’t show fear. She says she’s scared, but appears perfectly calm. There’s no point if she’s not scared. I don’t need to tell you I paid good money for her.”

“Let me guess: she’s not responding to physical stimuli either..?”

“How do you mean?”

“Does she scream when you hit her?”

“No. Nothing.”

“That’s what I thought. I apologize for this, Matthew. It’s a known issue. The last batch were sent out a little prematurely. Is she on now?

"Yeah, she’s on. She’s right here.”

“Perfect. So this is an easy fix, Matthew. I’m gonna force an update on my end, which will take just a few seconds. And I’m gonna add twelve months to your warranty for the inconvenience.”

“Oh, thanks! I appreciate that.”

“My pleasure. Just keep in mind that beheading voids the warranty.”

“That’s fine. At the most I’ll cut a few fingers off. Nothing crazy.”

“Alright Matthew, that should do it. Wanna give her a little punch for me?”

“Sure, one second.”
…
“She’s bawling like a cow. Thanks for your help Jeff, I really appreciate it.”

“No problem. Nothing else you need today?”

“No, that’s great. Thanks again.”

“You’re welcome, Matthew. And thanks for choosing Vicecorp. Have a wonderful day.”

–
Credits to: Buzzo2020

source: fifteenhours-creepystories.tumblr.com

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