Midnight Rendezvous-Slendy 39

I think I get it.

I think I get you now.

I think I know why I'm here, why I exist.

I exist because you exist, but at the same time, you need me to continue existing.
I was your proxy, your Tulpa Paradox.

Ain't that a cool word I just made up? Tulpa Paradox.

I exist because you used a medium, a direct proxy, to create me, and yet by creating me, you ensured your continued existence.

I'm born to make sure that you would never be forgotten, that your power will continue to reign through me and flourish wherever I go, and wherever I take you to.

In other words, you're indirectly my Pops by surrogate, kinda.

I remember now…

I remember things I shouldn't, wouldn't want to, remember…

I remember seeing you peeking through the windows with that slight tilt of your head.

I remember seeing you watching me from afar, from beyond the trees.

I remember you coming to me, going down on bended knee to pat me in the head before disappearing right before me in the blink of an eye.

I remember…I remember that incident where Jan didn't accompany me to school for the first time and that fight I had…

Oh god, why are you making me remember it…?

I don't even want to talk about it, let alone think about it!

So much anger, so much fury, so much darkness inside me…

I remember…

That guy I beat up…

He said something about Pops.

He said I was a bastard child and Momma was a whore or something.

He said I may not even be Pops' real kid and that's why he left Momma.

And I just snapped.

Jan wasn't there, and there was no one to hold me back when I snapped.

So much rage…

So much blood…

Last thing I remember was everyone looking at me in horror.

They were looking at my face, and I turned to the reflective surface of the locker to see…

Nothing…

No face…

I couldn't remember seeing my face…

I saw blood splatters and blotches all over my cheeks…

But I didn't have a face…!

No…No…NO!!

No, stop!! Don't make me remember this!!

I don't want to remember this!! No one was supposed to know! I don't want my readers to know! I told them they're better off not knowing about the incident! Why are you making me remember this?! Why are you even making me write this?!

NO!! STOP!!

……

……

……

Momma was right.

She was right all along.

I shouldn't even exist. I'm an abomination that shouldn't even be on this earth. I shouldn't.

She was right, I am a monster.

Your monster.

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