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Wooo, am I glad to be on this plane! Those poor bastards down there…oh, you want to sleep? Okay, sorry.

But, hey, you wanna hear a crazy story first?

Okay, so this guy works for a company that does weird jobs, right? Like they’ll put flowers on someone’s grave, everyday, forever.

Yeah, kinda like DiMaggio and Monroe.

Or they’ll deliver a time traveler’s letter from his future self. Stuff like that. Anyway, this guy’s job is to throw bread into these scary-ass woods every solstice. Nothing ever happens, but he never forgets, because he’s a professional.

Except once, he passes out at a birthday party and almost misses the solstice. But he’s smart, see? He hurries to the woods and chucks the birthday cake in.

Brilliant, right? Because that’s a kind of bread.

Yes it is. Same ingredients.

Listen, you wanna hear this or not?

Anyway, the next morning he’s ordered to report to headquarters. His bosses claim that bread is symbolic of imprisonment. Cake, apparently, is the opposite. They accuse him of unleashing a terrible curse, a monster that will destroy everything within its reach. To keep it imprisoned, the guy has to walk into the woods, of his own volition, with bread in his pockets.

And he won’t be walking back out.

He’s like, “Why would I sacrifice myself?”

And they’re like, “It’s your life or the lives of thousands.”

Impossible choice, right?

Why? What would you do?

Really? Well, aren’t you fucking christlike?

I don’t know! It’s just a story! God!

Sorry, I’m calm now. Anyhooooo…

Hey, you want some bread? It’s warm from being in my pocket all day.

Credits to: whoeverfightsmonster


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