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Midnight Rendezvous-Day 14


Sorry for not logging in on updates or anything. Been researching things like crazy, and something happened that made me gone into withdrawal for a while.

Janphen's funeral was on the way last week. I was expected to attend, but I didn't. I couldn't face the fact that it could've been my fault that he was dead. That I didn't see the signs and allowed it to happen. I just stayed outside the church where the funeral services was done, hearing the preacher droning on and on about blessings and life after death and whatnot (I'm not a sucker for religion, really), and people delivering eulogies for him.

Some of them were bullshit though, just a farce, because I've known Jan long enough to know that some of the things they said are totally not what I know about Jan.

Or maybe it really is something I didn't know about Jan, the other side of him. He did, after all, became my friend not entirely by choice.

Choice...

I remember his words that day I visited him.

Maybe...Maybe I am...I dunno...Maybe I'm just sick of all this...

What was he sick of? Life in general? Me?

Do you KNOW where your dad is? Do you know WHO your dad is? Do you even KNOW WHAT he is? Do you??? DO YOU???!!!

Those were his last words.

His last final words of desperation.

Desperate for me to hear, to understand.

And what did I do? I ditched him, and left him for dead.

I didn't even have the courage to go up to the funeral procession where they carried his and his rents' body to the cemetery to be buried. I just stood somewhere far away and hid behind a couple of trees, watching from my spot as they lowered him six feet under.

When the funeral ended and Jan's relatives who handled the funeral caught sight of me, I got the hell outta dodge.

I'm not gonna stand there and wait for them to scream at my face and rubbing it in that it was all my fault.

I've had enough wallowing in self-pity and beating myself up the past few weeks to know it.

Anywho, I've decided to make print-outs of everything that I have studied about this Slender-freak (including the pictures) and keep them in folders for references later. Heh, the last time I did this was for an assignment at school. Didn't think I'd actually be that hardworking for this shit.

I dunno, maybe making print-outs and studying them helps me cope with the loss, that by studying them, I will know what hit Jan so hard to drive him to this madness, and subsequently be close to him.

I actually showed Momma some of the freaky drawings of the Slender-shit and she totally freaked out, telling me to burn that garbage and ran to her room crying hysterically.

Wonder what was that about?
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